On My Way Down
by legscheas
Summary: James has never been in love & quite frankly doesn't ever want to be. But sometimes you can't help it, it's inevitable. So will James be able to over come his fears and doubts about love before he loses the only girl who's ever made him feel it? JamesXOC.
1. Missing

**On My Way Down**

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter One - Missing<strong>

_Maybe someday you'll look up, and, barely conscious, you'll say to no one: "Isn't something missing?"_

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><p>James is trying to convince himself that he isn't heartless. But this girl in front of him is crying, no, bawling, the whole nine yards, sniffling, yelling at him, and begging him not to leave her. They've only been dating two months.<p>

Which is pretty much why James is breaking up with her.

He doesn't do attachment.

Fun? Yes. Casual fuck? Yes. No strings attached? Yes. One night stand? Yes. Friends with benefits? Yes.

Clingy? No. Needy? No. Emotional? No. Complicated? No. Commitment? No.

Love?

Hell to the fuck no.

Which is why as she's crying in front of him and she's practically on her knees and she's repeating those three words that he despises over and over again, he just wants to leave her even more.

"James, please, don't leave me, we can take things slower, you don't have to say it back!"

James can't help but think he will never say those three words to anyone besides his mother and maybe his reflection.

"I love you." She says again.

And James just turns around. He hates those words. He hates them more than the fact that Kendall wears plaid every damn day. He walks out of her house without saying anything. He can't stand to hear it again. He leaves her there, crying.

Which is why it's hard for James to convince himself he isn't heartless. It's not like he gets some kind of sick satisfaction from hearing them yell and scream, beg and plead for him not to leave. In fact he hates that he breaks their hearts, but he can't stay with them. He never can. He's not meant to be monogamous, or at least that's what he tells himself. On the outside, that's how he explains it to all of his friends, and they just laugh and agree with him. But deep down, he knows it's something else.

He's jaded.

But at least he knows it.

When he leaves her house, he gets in a cab. He's got to hurry to the show. They're playing in Anaheim tonight and the traffic on Saturdays is unbearable. Traffic in L.A. is always a drag, but on the weekends, James almost considers moving to a less populated area.

He would never leave Los Angeles though.

James feels like he was born to do certain things.

Sing? Born to do.

Act? Born to do.

Model? Born to do.

Be famous? Born to do.

Live in Los Angeles? Born to do.

Break hearts? Apparently.

But it doesn't bother James. Not all that much. He likes to pretend he believes that one day, there will be a girl, somewhere out there in the world that will be so beautiful inside and out that he won't be able to take it and he will fall in love. But he pretends to believe that.

In all honesty, James doesn't believe he will ever fall in love. But aside from that, he doesn't want to.

And that's okay, because he enjoys the life he leads. He's rich and famous, he's got money, car, girls and it's everything he always wanted. It's everything he expected.

While he's sitting in the back of the cab, he hears one of his own songs come on. Big Time Rush is number one on the charts and he listens with a smirk while he, Carlos Logan and Kendall's voices coming through the speakers.

His phone rings then. The cab driver turns the radio down. How courteous, he thinks.

It's Kendall and James stops for a second thinking about not answering it. Kendall likes to pry. Best friends or not, sometimes you want to keep things to yourself. Kendall doesn't always get that.

"What's up Knight?" he asks.

"Diamond, where the fuck are you?" he says laughingly. He knows that the other three boys are in their dressing room, having fun, getting ready for the show, warming up their vocals.

"Stuck in traffic." James explains looking out the window towards all the city lights.

"What? Why? We thought you were back at the house."

"I was," James knows Kendall will ask every question he can until he gets the answer he's looking for from James. "I had to run an errand."

James suddenly wonders why he doesn't just straight up tell his best friend that he went to break up with his latest ex-girlfriend, because he knows he will anyways.

"Did you go to Veronica's?" Kendall asks.

"Yeah." James replies nonchalantly.

"Did you break up with her?"

James shrugs and then he realizes that Kendall can't see him, "Yeah." His voice hasn't changed, the same carelessness.

"Why?"

"Things were moving too fast."

"She said it didn't she?" Kendall asks. He knows his best friend too well.

"Listen dude, my relationship, not your, just chill okay." James is getting a little defensive now. Kendall and Jo have been together for almost seven years now. They've been together since they were eighteen. Kendall likes to try and help him with relationships. But James never takes anything he says to heart because quite frankly, James could care less how his relationships end.

He _doesn't give a fuck_.

"Yeah, yeah, I know I'm just saying, you're twenty-five, you've never had one serious relationship. You won't be young and pretty forever, James."

James mentally rolls his eyes. Kendall has started doing this a lot lately. Trying to convince him to at least give love a shot.

Yeah fucking right.

"Then I'll be like George Clooney, a sexy old bachelor. You see the women he gets."

"Yeah," Kendall says and he can picture the look on his best friends face, "you slept with the girl he brought to the Oscars a week after they broke up."

James finds himself smiling at his accomplishment. Because hey, James is straighter than ruler, but George Clooney is one good looking old dude. James doesn't normally do sloppy seconds, but come on, it's George Clooney.

"Anyways," Kendall continues, "just get here quick, we've got less than an hour."

They hang up after that. James leans forward towards the driver and says, "one hundred bucks plus the fare if you can get me to the Honda Center in less than an hour."

"You got it boss."

From then on the guy is driving like mad and James who has never been one to get car sick feels himself get a bit queasy.

The man driving changes the radio station and James once again hears himself on the radio. Then, the driver begins to sing and James looks at him astonished. This guy had to be forty five, with a big black beard and close to three hundred pounds and he was singing James's solo.

"Want to know a secret?" The driver calls from the seat in front. "I love these guys. My daughter listens to them every day. She got me hooked."

James finds himself stifling laughter and tells the driver that they aren't bad.

He pulls out his wallet finds an old receipt and asks the man up front if he has a pen. He hands one back to him. James scribbles his signature on the back of the receipt and is smiling. It's times like this that he knows he has a heart.

They arrive in front of the Honda Center just as the song ends and Ryan Seacrest's voice comes on and says, "that was 'Nothing Even Matters' by Big Time Rush, they're some good friends of mine, playing at the Honda Center in Anaheim tonight." They're twenty minutes early and so James hands the cash to the driver along with the receipt and says, "Nice to meet you, I'm James Diamond. Thanks for the ride."

The man's fat beardy face looks at him with amazement and James is smiling as he gets out of the cab. He sees the long line of people waiting to get in and he walks past almost half the line before someone says, "oh my God! It's James!"

He's making a run for it then and security is there to save him. Katie is there to meet him and make sure he gets to where he needs to be. Katie has become beautiful over the years, but James won't touch her. She's off limits to pretty much everyone that Big Time Rush is good friends with. She's their manager and she's older now, but she's too much like a baby sister to all of them. Any boy she dates has to meet the approval of all four band members otherwise, it's like the boys are seventeen again and they're out to sabotage.

"You're late James." She scolds but James just gives her a one armed hug and heads back to the dressing room. Tonight is the last show on their national tour. They have a month off, and then it's on a worldwide tour. Which is what the tour is called, "World Wide" after their number one hit. James thinks it's stupid, but Katie knows what she's doing and has never led them into anything but success. She said that people love irony and since tickets in the bigger cities are almost already selling out, he trusts her.

Katie doesn't have to baby sit him, so he finds his own way to the dressing room while she goes to talk to some of the tech people.

When he gets there, Camille is in the room, but she jumps out of Logan's lap to hug her best friend that she hasn't seen in a long time. Every time they tried to coordinate a day to hang out, her schedule conflicted with his and vice versa. Actresses have busy schedules just like musicians do.

He's surprised to see her, but he's also glad too. Back when they still lived at the palm woods, they'd been tight.

She takes her spot by Logan again and James can't help but smile, he's happy to see his friends happy. Camille and Logan had been on and off for so long it was tiring. But now it's been six months and they're still on which is a definite improvement.

He and Carlos are still going stag. But Carlos doesn't object to love the way that James does. Carlos is probably the opposite, exactly the opposite of James. He gives his heart away too easily. He falls in love over and over again and he gets his heart broken all the time, but he never gives up hope that someone out there will love him forever.

James didn't lose that hope, he never had it. It was something he was missing, he was born without it. Or maybe it was taken from him, but either way, it wasn't here in his heart now. It was missing. Maybe he should post flyers?

Missing:

Have you seen James Diamond's heart? Reward.

Kendall comes out of the restroom and James asks him where Jo is.

"She's back at her place. We're going to have a romantic dinner, she's cooking my favorite."

Jo cooks like shit so James doesn't know what Kendall is talking about. He just nods.

All the boys still live together in the mansion they bought after leaving Palm Woods. They hardly live there though; it's mostly Mama K and her new husband. The boys haven't seen the point in getting their own places yet. Not when Mama K is there to make their breakfast every morning and keep their rooms clean while they're gone. They all kind of feel bad about having Mama K do all the things she does for them, especially since she got sick, but she always tells them not to worry, she enjoys the little things that she does for them. She makes them feel like they're still young. It's a feeling James doesn't want to let go. Because even though he isn't really afraid of anything, he's scared to let go of things that mean something to him. If they all moved out and got their own places then they would be growing up and that isn't something James isn't entirely sure that's something he's ready to do. Sure he's mature now but he kind of feel like he needs the boys to feel like he's at home.

Things would be weird without them. He's never been apart from them.

He's afraid to find out what might happen if they ever part.

They go on stage, and James still gets pre-show jitters because even though he's a cocky son of a bitch, he still wants to do well and impress his fans. He still gets scared that he'll mix up the words on his solo or that his voice will crack as it climbs an octave. But he's never messed up on the lyrics, and his voice has never failed him.

When James is up there, nothing else matters to him. He knows the crowd is there and he knows what he's doing, but it's like he's in this trance and he has tunnel vision, all he can do is focus on the words and the moves. He is perfection on stage.

Even though Kendall is the front man, James is dancing in the middle because he's the best at it. It's his voice in the background, adding emphasis and intertwining with the others, because it's so damn angelic.

That's what Katie told him. That his voice is angelic, she loves her brother, but she's always thought James was the best. There was this awkward phase when Katie had a crush on him, but it passed and the two are close again.

During 'Nothing Even Matters' James climbs off stage, because this is routine, he picks a random girl out of the crowd and brings her up on stage. They all do, and the four lucky girls get to stay backstage and meet them after the show for real.

James helps the girl onto the stage and he's twirling her around, and he's staring at her intensely, she's laughing and smiling, maybe even crying. James sings his solo to her, and when the song is over, he gives her a hug and she is escorted back stage.

The same routine is done by Kendall, Logan and Carlos. They finish the show and are hurried back to their dressing room so that they can wipe off the sweat and god do a little meet and greet with those of the fans that paid five hundred dollars to get backstage and meet them. Then of course, the four lucky girls as well.

There are maybe ten of them back there. And they are immediately attacked.

Girls are squealing as they hug him and ask for pictures.

"You smell so good!" one exclaims and James can only smile and thank her, he is the face of Cuda after all. What type of spokesman would he be if he represented a product line and didn't use it? James smells like a fucking dream. All the time, twenty four seven.

The girl that he pulled on stage has thanked him, taken her picture with him, and gotten his autograph and moved on to Kendall who is obviously her favorite. When James has a minute he scans the room, there is one girl who is not freaking out. Which James finds strange. When he approaches her, he has to compose himself.

James had never seen true beauty till this night.

She's petite, the word James likes to use instead of short or small, and she's got this wavy caramel hair that's falling over her shoulders. It's shiny and looks like it might even be softer than his. Which is saying something. Her skin is flawless and smooth, golden brown, baked by the sun, and light freckles are sprinkled across her cheeks and her nose. Her eyes are pale, pale blue, are her eyelashes are so thick that he wonders if they're fake. She's wearing dark denim skinny jeans, high top converse and a loose fitting Volcom t-shirt.

James has dated movie stars.

James has dated models.

James has dated world famous musicians.

But this girl, standing there, so plain but so beautiful makes him feel like he's been dating fat chicks with really bad skin and BO.

Her eyes are on him as he approaches and James, never the one to be at a loss for words can only say, "hey."

Luckily for him it still comes out charming and desirable, like he always is.

A faint smile blesses her lips and she only replies to him with the one word he said to her.

He wonders if this is what angels look like.

"Did you enjoy the show?" he asks. He wonders if she was pulled from the crowd or if she paid for the five hundred dollar ticket. Due to her lack of crazy fan girl enthusiasm he doubts she paid five hundred dollars for this.

She nods, "yeah, I was pretty surprised when Logan pulled me from the crowd, I was trying to get his attention, but so he would take Sophia, not me."

James gets his answer.

"Who's Sophia?" he asks.

"This little girl, she's only nine. But she loves you guys. She's my best friends little sister."

"Oh."

"Yeah, she's dying to meet you guys, but I promised I'd get her an autograph."

James feels impulsive and he wants to impress the beautiful creature so he says, "I can do better than that. Wait here."

James makes his rounds, he says goodbye to all the fans, saying that he's tired but he loves them and is so grateful to them all for coming. He tells Katie his plan and she agrees to tell the other guys.

The meet and greet will be over in ten minutes anyway.

James is bold taking the beautiful girl by the hand and leading her out. He makes sure no one catches it though. As they're leaving he makes a point to ask, "What's your name?"

"Hailey." She says.

He's still holding her hand but he's acting like he's forgotten it, his skin is burning though.

This is strange for James.

"Call your friend." James tells her. She lets go of his hand to do this, and James instantly misses her touch.

He listens to Hailey as she speaks. Her voice is beautiful. It's strong and confident, but delicate and sweet all in one.

James tells her to tell them to meet her behind the arena.

James and Hailey stand outside in the dark together for a few minutes in silence before they see them. Or Hailey does.

Hailey calls out to them and when they're only a few feet away the little girl screams. Hailey goes to meet them and says, "Want to meet a friend of mine?"

He watches with a smile, admiring how sweet Hailey is with the little girl.

"Sophia, this is my friend James Diamond."

James squats down so he's closer to eye level. He holds out his hand to her and when she takes it, James shakes it lightly. "It's nice to meet you Sophia."

He can see Sophia is blushing like mad. The little girl is so sweet and cute. She's got fiery red hair up in a high ponytail with long bangs, swooped to the side and pinned back, a lot like the way Katie used to wear her hair. It's not all too bright tout seeing as its past midnight and the street lights are dim and the arena lights don't reach all that far, but James can see that she's got bright green eyes and he can tell the little girl going to grow up and be very pretty. He tells her this.

James has Sophia introduce him to her sister. Her name is Melissa, and she's almost as excited to meet him as Sophia is. This is Hailey's best friend he thinks to himself. He's slightly amused.

James kneels down by Sophia and says, "You want to come with me and meet my three best friends?"

Sophia nods fiercely.

James takes the three girls to the tour bus where the other boys are now waiting to give the last of the night's attention to a nine year old.

While the other two meet Kendall, Logan and Carlos, James hangs back. He wants to talk with Hailey.

"So," he asks, "are you a fan?"

She smiles and says more or less.

James asks why she came to the show if she isn't crazy about them. She blushes for a second and James likes the way it colors her cheeks.

"Melissa bought Sophia a ticket, but there was type of deal going on, so she got me one too."

"What a good friend."

"She is. Good sister too." Hailey adds. "Their parents died two years ago, Melissa is all that Sophia has left."

James finds that he is touched by their story and he is glad that he made the decision to bring them back here because as he watches the other two, he can tell that they are ecstatic.

Hailey turns to James, "Can I take a picture with you?"

James smiles, he is more than willing to put an arm around her. She's beautiful.

"It'd be stupid to meet you guys and not get proof." She says smiling.

James puts and arm around and pulls her close to his chest like he's done with so many other girls for pictures, but something feels different having this girl in his arms. She is perfection.

Hailey holds the camera up and James smiles at it as it flashes. He watches Hailey look at the picture and smile. He is satisfied with himself.

When the night is done and Melissa is telling Sophia that she has to go home and get to bed so she can go to school tomorrow, Hailey turns to James one final time and she smiles up at him. She reaches up and pulls his head down, she kisses his cheek.

It's a sweet gesture, one that James hasn't been on the receiving or giving end of for a while.

"You're a good man." She tells him.

And then she's gone. But the place where her perfectly full pink lips toucedh his cheek is burning. And the words that she's left with him are ringing in his head.

No one has ever told him that before.

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><p><strong>AN:** Chapter one, done. Hope you liked it. It is rated M mostly for language and later chapters.

I'm writing this because sometimes I just want to read a good story about James falling in love with a girl and being straight. No offense to all the slash writers out there.


	2. You Suck At Love

**A/N: **So how did you guys like the first one? I'm trying to find a picture that I think might suit Hailey's character, I'll put up a link once I do.

I changed the rating from M to T just because not every chapter is going to be M material, but this chapter is.

Chapter rating :M

Any who, enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Two – You Suck At Love<strong>

_You're bad news, a history repeater, you can't trust a serial cheater. You're good at hooking up but you suck at love._

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><p>James Diamond has to change his number quite often. It's really irritating. He enjoys having a serious cell phone number. Relationships, not so much. But, with his phone he would like for things to be consistent, sadly, he can't have it that way.<p>

It mostly irritating because sometimes he'll get his numbers mixed up and he'll give someone important the wrong number. And that always sucks.

He has to change his number because girls are crazy bitches. James finds that the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" is very true.

Sometimes, girls that he'll actually force himself into a relationship with, mostly for publicity, actually end up falling for him. So when he breaks up with them after a couple weeks, all they want to do is get back at him. It's Hollywood, a dog-eat-dog world, which means that these women are vicious.

He's had had his number posted on myspace, facebook, twitter, tumblr, and every other social networking site in existence.

One girl put his number on billboard.

Another one, the craziest one of all in his opinion, put it in a commercial.

He's at the AT&T store changing his number right now, because as great as twitter is, he hates it sometimes. The last model he dated tweeted it. She herself was not very famous, but she happens to be friends with a very famous model James also dumped. Needless to say the "Re-tweet" button is sometimes James' biggest foe.

The girl helping him out is young, maybe early twenties, and she has thick curly brown hair, tan skin, and dark eyes. She's pretty enough. And she knows who he is.

She's flirting to say the least.

James doesn't have to go to the store to get a new cell phone number, but he also conveniently dropped is iPhone in the toilet. It's not James' best day.

James isn't in a good mood, but he's trying to be nice because one slip up in the façade could ruin his reputation. Of course he has a reputation as a serial heartbreaker and cheater; he also has the reputation of being a genuinely nice guy. Because he is, really he is.

Once his new iPhone is all set up, his contacts have been transferred and his new number is in service, he follows the young girl to the register. She rings him up, asking if he's _sure_ that there's nothing else she can help him with.

He knows what she means. But he acts clueless, the last thing he needs is some random girl blowing up his phone after a one-time thing, he'd have to change his number. _Again._

He assures her that he's fine and proceeds to pay for his new phone. When she hands him the receipt, their fingers touch and she smiles at him slyly. He's not turned on. Not today.

He leaves the store and tries to give her a smile. He imagines that he pretty much just made her day.

He looks down at the receipt to put it in his wallet and finds her number written on it. He won't call her.

As he walks down the street he sends a text to all of his contacts with his new number telling them that it's him. He only gets a few replies; he knows that this must irritate some people. Hell, it irritates him. But what can he do? If he didn't change it things would get ugly.

He wonders why girls continue to date him when they know who he is. They know his reputation. Why do they get so upset when he makes it clear he's a one-night-stand type of guy?

Fuck girls.

But that's what gets him into trouble.

Once he gets back to the mansion, he feels like he's home again. There's music playing throughout the house. The mansion has speakers in every room. It used to be used as an intercom for Mama K to wake up the boys, but since they're hardly ever home now she can play music throughout the house, and turn the speakers on and off in which ever rooms she wants. James recognizes Journey as he walks through the front door.

He climbs the winding stair case up to his room, its master suite, but then again, all the rooms are, it's a mansion. He has his own bathroom, and it large and luxurious, better than the five star hotels that they stay in ever so often. The bathtub is like a small Jacuzzi and the shower can fit six people comfortable, he knows.

James locks the door to his room, gets to the bathroom and strips. A nice, warm, bath is exactly what he needs. It's almost ninety degrees outside, but the mansion AC is always on. It's considerably cooler in there.

Naked, James takes a look in the mirror. He has the body of a god, he is perfection. He gets into the bathtub. It's warm, and relaxing, exactly what he needs. Journey is still playing. But he doesn't mind.

James loses track of time like he often does when he takes time for himself. Aside from show business, grooming himself is what he does best. Well, maybe it's after breaking people's hearts because he gets a call from Katie while he's still in the bath. She tells him to turn on the TV, he explains he can't.

So she tells him, "Your break up with Victoria is front page news, it's on yahoo, People, Us and Star are already calling for a statement. Also, GQ wants you on the cover again this month."

James groans and says, "So much for a month off."

He hears Katie chuckle and she replies, "Tomorrow, we'll talk to Us because they're the only ones who really use the facts. Be prepared with your usual excuse and I'll talk to GQ and set up a photo-shoot."

"Sounds good Katie, you got this covered."

"When don't I?"

They hang up and James looks at the time. He's been sitting in the bathtub for over an hour. Aside from drying off his body and putting on a pair of boxers James doesn't bother to do much else.

He heads down to the kitchen for some food where he can hear that some action is happening. He can also hear female laughter. When he enters, there's a food fight a foot. Carlos and Logan are throwing things at each other. They're flying in the air too fast for James to make out what it is. He's amused and he feels like he's seventeen again, because this was their typical behavior. Now, on tour, getting totally fucked up is their typical behavior. James can hold his liquor better than the others, Carlos is always the first to pass out, and surprisingly Logan's got more tolerance than Kendall. But Kendall never really gets drunk to do anything he'll regret because he's got Jo waiting for him at home.

Camille is sitting at the island counter, watching her boyfriend and his best friend, looking amused as she pops multicolored M&M's into her mouth. James's hair is still dripping wet and he's more than half naked but he sits next to her anyways. Camille and James have never thought about each other that way.

Camille is beautiful.

But she's off limits.

It's the bro code.

James might be a totally cocky, smug, arrogant bastard and complete asshole towards women, but he respects the bro code.

Besides, James is sitting next to her with his wash board abs all tan and out in the open, hair dripping wet, smelling like his Cuda products and Camille doesn't even spare him a glance.

She just says, "Hey James."

He digs his fingers into the bowl of colorful chocolate and pops some into his mouth as well, "Hey Camille."

Carlos turns to James with this evil grin and gets ready to fire. But James sees this and he gives the look. The "_I'm- James-Fucking-Diamond-and- I-will –not –hesitate-to- mother-fucking- massacre- you-bitch"_ look. It's a fucking scary look. None of the boys really challenge the look, not even Kendall. James is the biggest, tallest, strongest, fastest. He runs marathons like it's nothing. He will spend hours in the gym, come out glistening with sweat and still be up for some nookie with a random chick. He trains with kick boxers and martial artists. He's one scary son of a bitch to mess with.

He looks like a pretty boy, because his eyes sparkle, and his smile is blindingly white, but looks are deceiving and he is trained to kill. Especially when it comes to his appearance.

Carlos lowers his weapon and is distracted, Logan takes advantage of this. A thick, green chunky substance hits Carlos in the face, it splatters everywhere and begins to drip. James doesn't even pretend not to laugh, it's out there a loud bellow and it continues on mixed with the laughter of everyone else but Carlos.

He tackles Logan then and they're on the floor out of view, but Camille lazily calls to Carlos and tells him not to hit Logan's face. It's his only redeeming feature. She's kidding of course. For as long as they've known each other, James has always known that's she's absolutely and irrevocably in love with Logan. They're meant for each other, and even though James doesn't really believe in the whole love thing for himself, it can work for other people. He hopes it does for Camille. One day she could be Camille Mitchell.

"Where's Kendall?" James asks his old friend.

She shrugs, "Probably with Jo."

James figures.

"Hey," Camille says, "I wanted to talk to you. Gibson wants me to ask if you'd be interested in guest staring again, the audience apparently loved you. Ratings went up and it's our most watched episode."

James laughs and Camille is just as amused.

"It'd be the same role of course, and you could be a reoccurring character. No major plot, just a guest appearance every now and then. If you say yes, then he'll send over some scripts, he's already gotten them written up."

Camille is on a hit TV show. She's the main character. She's a girl in college, it basically follows her life. It's never boring though because Camille is a great actress and she can take any challenge they throw her way. Heartbreak, she owns that. Especially from experience for the first she years with Logan. She's a naturally happy, zany person, so her characters natural personality isn't a problem. Love sick, it wouldn't even be acting. Anything else, she's got it all under wrap. She's one of the most sought after actresses in Hollywood right now. James is proud of her.

On the show, he made a cameo as her twin brother who came out to visit from Princeton, but he's pretty much this good looking kid that acts like he has no brain, but is really smart.

It's an easy role. It's what James did for his whole life. But now he's mature and it's a well-known fact that he's pretty smart. In interviews, he never reads off cues, and the words he uses rival Logan. He's very politically aware though he doesn't voice much of his opinions, he figures that's better behind the scenes. He has no interest in making any fans enemies.

The fights over and Carlos and Logan are laughing. Logan slips his arms around Camille's waist and James does them a courtesy in looking away. Carlos shows up in his line of sight though.

"You coming with us to that party with us tonight?" Carlos asks rudely reach over for M&M's. He aims one at Logan, it hits his face and he flips Carlos off, but he and Camille are still lip locked. James waggles his eyebrows at Carlos. He laughs.

"What party?" James asks. He's not eating the M&M's anymore. He doesn't have to watch what he eats because he's naturally lithe and fit. But there's no use in giving himself extra work.

"Camille's costar is having a party tonight, one of those roof-top garden/pool parties." Carlos replies with a mouth full of chocolate.

"Charming." James says shaking his head at his Latino friend. "If I'm invited I'm down."

"Do you know who the fuck you are?" Carlos asks. "Kendall's front man and we all have a ton of fans, but in the world of celebrities, you're the only one who even matters."

"It's because he's so sexy." Logan grins and Camille is laughing and pulling him in for another kiss.

James shrugs, he doesn't want to admit it, but he knows it's true. He feels bad for always stealing the spotlight, but it's not like he does it on purpose, women flock to him, men befriend him just so they have an in with the ladies.

Kendall is the leader, but James is the face of Big Time Rush.

"Anyways," Carlos continues, "be ready to get out of here by ten. The party starts at eight, BTR is always fashionably late." Carlos raps out the last part.

"Never again." Camille says laughing, "Please don't do that ever again."

James glances at the digital clock on the stove. It's almost seven.

Everyone thinks James takes forever to get ready, in reality once he's got Cuda in his hair he just throws his clothes on and is ready to go. There is no stylist on standby. No makeup artist powdering his face. James is naturally fucking hot.

Around nine he heads back into his bathroom. He brushes his beautiful hair, adds Cuda styling mousse and styles accordingly.

When he's done, he wanders to his walk-in closet; it's close to the same size of the bathroom. Almost like a small apartment. James runs his hands across his many pairs of jeans. Now one stereotype about James is that he does have a shit load of clothes. It's because the designers let him keep whatever he models. James won't wear the same thing in the same month, not if he doesn't have too. So Designers throw their clothes at him because there's a good chance he'll get photographed in their line. It always boosts buys.

He chooses a dark denim pair of skinny jeans and slides them comfortably over his legs. He buttons them up and has already decided that he needs to get laid tonight.

But James is also feeling casual tonight. So he throws on some Volcom. Skating is one of his favorite hobbies, just like surfing and hockey. While Volcom doesn't exactly make hockey gear, it does make surf gear. So he can't be expected not to wear it. It's a plain, loose fitting white V-neck. But it has the signature stone sewn on the bottom hem line.

He keeps the casual feel, finishing up with pristine original high top Chuck Taylors. If there are any paparazzi at this part, he knows he'll be getting a call from Volcom. They aren't much for selling out, but he's James Diamond. Guys who claim to hate him are always going out and buying exactly what he wears, because hey, if James Diamond wears it, they're probably going to get laid.

In the end, that's all dudes care about.

When they arrive at the party, all eyes are on him. Like usual. Carlos stays by his side until an already tipsy model approaches and takes Carlos somewhere to "talk". James knows that Carlos only stays so near for this reason, and James has no problem helping his friend out.

He finds Kendall and Jo at the party. He wasn't really expecting them there. But they are, and James greets Jo in French and then kisses her hands dramatically. He does it because she's off to film in France once they boys are on tour again. Kendall doesn't care. He knows that James is not Jo's biggest fan, and he also knows it's the same on the other end. They are cordial and friendly enough to each other. But Jo hates his womanizing ways. James thinks that Jo is making Kendall grow up too fast. He's afraid that Jo will make Kendall leave the band. Because he knows that if Jo asked, Kendall would do it. After they had their break up when she went to New Zealand, Kendall never dated anyone else. When she came back, Kendall vowed he would never let anything come between them and would do whatever he had to, to be with her forever.

If the band broke up, James knew he would be fine. He could go solo, he would act, he would model, James would be just fine. He knew the other boys would be too, but it was his biggest nightmare. And Jo was the only thing threatening to make it real.

James leaves them alone. He's wandering, making his rounds of small talk, taking pictures with aspiring actresses and models and singers. He's getting numbers and having fun. He's not chugging his drinks, he's in no hurry to lose himself. He can have fun tonight.

Eventually, he and this busty blond haired model are heading into Camille's costars apartment. He feels bad but he can't remember her name. The costar that is. But then again, James isn't sure he knows the models name either.

Michelle? Maybe.

He makes sure he doesn't say her name.

But she's screaming his. They're on the couch; her bare chest is pressed against his. She's completely naked, but James still has his pants on, they're just around his knees. Her hands are running down his back, and every time he thrusts her fake nails dig in, but James doesn't mind the pain. In fact it motivates him. He wants to fuck her until she can't even remember her own name.

So he does it.

He's pretty sure that everyone on the roof above can hear her screaming his name. It's normal though, this is what James does.

She's repeating his name like a mantra, almost like she's worshipping him. He's grunting and moaning whenever she clenches around him.

"James!" She calls out his name in this frantic voice. Her body stiffens and James follows her over the edge. He's panting above her, his eyes are closed and he can feel her squeeze her arms around him a little tighter.

He pulls out lazily and slides off the used rubber. With his pants still around his knees he looks around the dark apartment for a trash can. He finds on and begins to pull up his boxers.

He walks back over to the couch to find Michelle, or whatever her name is, putting on her dress already. She asks him to zip her up. He obliges this request.

She faces him, cheeks flushed, hair messy, "I'm going to use the restroom."

She comes out a few minutes later and her hair is fixed, her face isn't as red and James is smirking because that sure as hell wasn't how she was walking when they met.

"This was fun." She says slipping on her five inch heels.

"Yeah," James says, "it was only a-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know asshole. You're James fucking Diamond, I knew what I was getting into. I just wanted a taste, to see if you're worth the hype."

"What's the verdict?"

She gives him a complacent look and says, "I'd say you definitely live up to the expectation."

James grins.

"See you around." She says. James nods. "Call me if you're ever bored, I've got lots of free time that needs to be filled up."

James is grinning again and he watches her leave. He goes into the bathroom, fixes his hair looks around the apartment for his shirt, and heads back up to the party. By now it's been noticed he's gone, but no one will have any doubts to where he's been. He's James Diamond.

He can only imagine what Jo will say to Kendall when he reappears. Kendall listens to Jo whine about James, he agrees with her on a few things, but mostly he knows that James is just a whore.

It's a title James has welcomed sine he lost his virginity to a seventeen year old when he was fourteen.

All three band members give James a knowing look. But when he sees Carlos, Carlos gets the same look. The lazy "I-just-got-laid" look is clearly evident upon both of their faces.

All the fucking has given James an appetite, so he's off to find one of the caterers walking around the party with silver trays. He needs another drink too.

He finds a girl one, nothing wrong with getting lucky twice in one night. He taps the woman on her shoulder and when she turns around, James is frozen.

It's Hailey.

She gets this surprised look on her face before she smiles brightly at him and says, "Hey James."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **The beginning is kind of boring, sorry. I'm not the greatest at writing sex scenes because normally I don't. So let me know how I did, critique, review. Teach me how to write smut lol.

Thanks for reading! Don't Forget to Review!


	3. Aboout A Girl

**A/N: **Readers! Don't be afraid to leave reviews, it encourages me to keep writing, no reviews makes me think no one is reading. :[ So I'll stop reading.

Anyways, I hope you like it so far.

Chapter rating : T

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three – About a Girl<strong>

_I'm not in love, this is not my heart. I'm not gonna waste these words about a girl. I'm not in love; this is not your song._

* * *

><p>"Hey James."<p>

He's frozen, what does he do? What does he say? James is smooth, that's who he is, he sails through life. But all of the sudden, seeing her face, he feels like the water just gotten a little choppy.

He's only met Hailey once, but he isn't going to lie. For the past two weeks, she's the face he's been picturing alone in the dark when no one else is around.

"Hey, Hailey, right?" he tries to play it off.

She looks surprised that he remembers her name, she tells him.

Forget her name? The thought of meeting her again is all that's been running through James head, well aside from getting drunk. And laid.

"How could I forget your name? You made an impression." He says smiling.

She's looking at him with skeptical eyes and her face is holding back at smile, but he can see it tugging on her lips.

"I'd love to chat, but I've got to work." She says with a slight shrug. But James isn't going to let her slip through his fingers. Now that he's met her again, he isn't going to walk away without at least a phone number.

"Are there rules against doing both?" He asks.

That look is back on her face, she's suppressing her smile and looking deep into his eyes. She bites on her lower lip and sucks it in a little but she finally gives in, "No, I don't think so."

So he follows her as she's walking through the party, a tray in her hand, a smile on her face. James is trying not to stare at her ass, because the skirt she's wearing is tight and hugs her curves. Her white, short-sleeved button up shirt has three buttons undone. She isn't showing any real cleavage, but it's enough to makes James wonder about what's underneath. She's also taller than she was when they met, and James looks down to see black heels. They're high, but she's walking just fine.

"So you're a caterer?" he asks as they stand, no one has come up for food in a few moments and James takes this as his opportunity to actually talk to her.

A close lipped smile spreads across her face, but she answers him and says, "No. My brother is, he was short a hand tonight, he's still getting his name out there and this party is high profile, being short a worker would make things even more stressful, so I volunteered."

"How nice of you." James compliments. She's still smiling.

"So if you aren't a caterer," James turns to face her. He's been standing by her side, but he's craving the attention of those icy blue eyes. "What are you?"

"I'm a bank teller." She replies without hesitation.

The response surprises him. He hadn't expected that. Maybe something aspiring to be famous, because she sure as hell is beautiful enough. Her cheek bones are defined, her jaw is delicate, her lips are full, and eyes are wide. He is mesmerized.

"Really?" he responds.

She nods and smiles as someone grabs some food from her tray.

A few group walks by and James can only make out a few things that they say. "Apartment", "Michelle", "fucking" and "James Diamond."

He's panicked then. Did Hailey hear that? Has she heard about what he did with the model? He doesn't want her to know. He doesn't want her to think badly of him. He doesn't even know her, she's only met him once before this but James is worried about what her opinion of him might be. Then he realizes who he is. He has a reputation, everyone knows who he is, what he does. Of course Hailey thinks badly of him, and if not badly, she probably doesn't think highly of him. But it matters to James and he doesn't know why.

It's strange.

James is standing there quietly next to her, almost content. But he wants to talk to her, he wants to hear her voice. Sadly he can't think of anything to say. Which is also strange for James, because he always knows what to say.

"Are you enjoying the party?" She finally asks him.

Even though James is just standing there silently next to her, yes he is.

"I am."

"It seems like it might be more fun to converse and mingle." She tells him.

"Are you telling me to leave you alone?" He scoffs.

She chuckles lightly and says, "No."

"I come to these things all the time." James is motioning to everything going around them. "It's always the same people, small talk, girls trying to seduce me-"

"From what I hear it's the other way around."

James smiles sheepishly. Guilty.

"That's not what matters," he says, "I have a chance to hang out with a fan, I should do it."

This time it's her turning to face him. "So you want to hang out with me?"

James shrugs and replies with, "Sure, why not?"

She grins, "Then come with me on my break."

He follows her into the kitchen a floor below in an empty apartment. It's not the one he had sex in. James is up for a lot of stuff, but an audience? Not so much. He can hear a man yelling, and there's tons of young faces dressed like Hailey. She marches into the kitchen, sets down her empty tray and says, "Shane, I'm taking a break, be back in half an hour."

The man she's spoken to is focusing only on making the food before him perfect.

"Yeah, okay Hails, don't go far." He warns, "Dark, late."

She pulls a mini pastry off the tray he's working on and pops it into her mouth, "Don't worry bro, James is coming with me."

Her brother's head snaps up and his eyes are locked on James. It's an uncomfortable look. He's never received it before, but he has definitely been on the giving end. Protective. He can only imagine the way it feels times three. He and the other boys used to give it to Katie's callers.

He gives her a curt nod before going back to work. Hailey is heading in the opposite direction now, but she walks around her brother to get to the exit. James follows, but as he walks past Shane, his arm is caught.

James is taller than him, bigger than him, and the grip he has on James's arm hurts. In a deep voice and fierce eyes, Shane says, "You might be famous, but I'm dangerous."

It's scary warning, one that shakes James. He's never been threatened for real before, but he can tell by the intensity of Hailey's brother's face that he damn, dead fucking serious.

He releases James and he jogs to catch up with Hailey. He can't help but to rub the spot where the steel grip had a hold of him. She looks back at him and says, "He threatened you, didn't he?"

James doesn't want to answer that, but his silence gives her what she's looking for.

"Sorry." She says, "He's protective, I'm his only sister and there's a lot of assholes out there."

"You sound like you know firsthand."

They're walking side by side, James has his hands dangling comfortably, and Hailey's arms are swinging as she walks. Her fingers brush James's.

Fire courses through his veins. His heart race speeds up. All he can think is that this is not normal. Not even just for him, it can't be normal for anyone else can it? He's only met her twice, he knows nothing about her other than her best friend is a girl named Melissa, she's a bank teller and she also has a protective older brother. It can't be normal for her to be affecting him like this. Can it?

James doesn't think so.

"This is L.A." she says, "It's the Asshole capital of the world."

James laughs. He knows. He's one of them.

They've been waiting for an elevator, when it arrives, two drunk blondes stumble out. They recognize him and start to coo him, hang all over him. Hailey steps into the elevator around them, she looks amused. James politely declines, he feels uncomfortable, he kind of wants to make a good impression on Hailey, and this can't be helping.

"Must be nice." She says looking over at him.

"More like irritating."

"You don't enjoy it? All the women throwing themselves at you?"

He does, he really does. He doesn't want to lie though, so he answers with a question, "You can't tell me you don't deal with the same thing?"

The elevator doors open again and she smiles at him as she says, "I never said that I didn't."

"So where are we going?" James asks as they exit the apartment building.

She shrugs, "The party scene isn't really my thing."

James has to keep himself from scoffing at her statement.

"I'm more of a kick back kind of girl, a few friends and a margarita is my thing."

James can appreciate that.

The only sound they can hear now is the clicking of her heels on the pavement. She stops, James turns around and waits. She slips her shoes off and holds them in one hand.

"Much better."

He finds himself smiling. He's never known a girl that would do that. He'd always see it in movies, or tv shows as a couple is leaving a party, but James never expected to actually witness it happen. All the girls he knows are too conscious of how it could ruin their pedicures. Hailey doesn't seem to care.

"So tell me about yourself." James says as they walk together down the street.

She shrugs, "What is there to tell?"

"Well," James searches for words, "how old are you?"

He mentally slaps himself.

"Twenty-two." She replies.

"Are you in college?"

"Graduated from the University of Southern California last year."

"Wow," he's impressed, "that's great."

She agrees with him but it less enthusiastic.

"What did you major in?"

"Human communications."

James isn't sure what that is, but he doesn't ask. He doesn't want to seem like an idiot. He tries to make a joke instead.

"Is bank teller one of the suggested occupations for USC graduates with a degree in that field?"

He can see her smile even though it's dark out and the street lights are dim and spread far apart. She bumps against him and it's playful, friendly. James is enjoying her company.

"What do you want to be?" James is curious and smiling. The first few questions made him feel awkward for being so simplistic, but conversation is beginning to flow smoothly.

"What do you mean? Being a bank teller has always been my dream." She says it sarcastically.

"Seriously," he says laughing slightly. "You're a college graduate, what made you want to major in Human Communications?" He says the title of her major in a deep serious, announcer like voice. "There had to be some motivation behind it."

She shrugs and is quiet for a moment before she answers. "I majored in it because I had no idea what I wanted to do. It seemed something that was well rounded, that could get me a job anywhere. As like, an HR business associate or something like that, working in an office is what I grew up thinking I should do."

"Then what do you really want to be?"

She looks embarrassed but she answers anyways, "To be completely honest, the only thing I have ever really truly wanted to be is a housewife and mother. I used to babysit when I was younger. Kids always adored me, looked up to me, loved me, handling them, calming them down, it was just something I was always good at. It was my hidden talent. Almost like a calling."

James is silent. He doesn't know what to say or how to respond to that statement, but there's this faint tinge of jealously he feels stirring in his soul because he knows that one day, her dream might come true, but it won't be him she's married and has kids with.

James can like her all he wants, but in the end, he can never let himself really fall for someone. True love doesn't exist in his world. Whether he's incapable of it, or he just won't allow it isn't clear yet. He's never gotten in deep enough with someone too decide.

"I don't know why I told you that. You probably think it's stupid."

"No," James says immediately, he doesn't think it's stupid at all. "Everyone has their calling, show business is mine, being a mother could be yours."

She doesn't say anything, James needs an example.

"Mama K," he says suddenly, and then he's embarrassed by the fact that he called her that in front of someone who doesn't refer to that their self. But he continues with what he's saying, "Kendall's mom, I mean, her calling is definitely to be a mom. She's been a great one, to all of us, especially since we moved out here. I have no idea how she's put up with us all this time. Heaven knows we were reckless as teenagers."

"You aren't reckless now?"

"Well, not as bad as at seventeen, when it was Carlos's goal to get a new injury every day."

She's looking up at him. The heels being off make a big difference. Instead of the top of her head being about at his nose, it's at his shoulder, maybe lower. She's tiny, he finds it adorable. Her bright eyes seem to twinkle and sparkle even in the dark.

"That's pretty cute." She says.

"What is?"

"That you call her Mama K."

James laughs, "You like that?"

She grins, "Maybe one day I'll be Mama something."

"I'm sure you will."

They've been walking for a while now, but Hailey hasn't decided on a destination.

"Let's just go to In-N-Out, I could use a hamburger."

"What?" James says incredulously, "Girls in L.A. eat hamburgers?"

Hailey rolls her eyes as they cross the street to the fast food restaurant. She still isn't wearing shoes. James bothers to look at the time. It's close to two in the morning. The party will be raging on for at least another two hours. He won't be missed. But it strikes him that people will assume that he's with another woman. He doesn't want Hailey to be thought badly of. It's too late to save himself.

He makes a point to mention this to her.

"Hailey," he says, "are you sure it's a good idea to be out with me? I mean, I want to be here, cause I like you, but when we get back to the party, people will assume…"

Hailey shrugs, she isn't bothered by it. "People can think what they want, as long as I know the truth. Besides, sleeping with James Diamond might get me some street cred."

He's biting back a laugh.

They order and James offers to pay, but she refuses, pulling some cash from inside her shirt and paying the cashier, "this isn't a date, and I'm not a charity case."

He likes her independence.

Sitting down in a booth, James is watching her suck on a straw trying to get the thick milkshake to come up. Her eyes are closed and she looks focused, James swallows hard and looks away.

He gets both their orders of food, he figures it's the least gentlemanly thing that he can do since she wouldn't allow him to pay for her food.

"So," James takes a bit on a few fries. "Why aren't you trying to be a model or actress, or singer?"

She looks up like she's thinking. She finishes chewing before she answers. "I'm not tall enough to be a model-"

"Clearly." James interrupts jokingly. He receives a playful kick to the shin and a set of narrowed eyes from the beautiful sandy blonde girl sitting across from him. He laughs again, enjoying the fact that she makes him do it so often.

"I never tried to be an actress, I'm not dramatic enough. My parents were kind of go with the flow people, they let me decide who I was and wanted to be, it rubbed off on me. I don't really care enough to get too involved with other people's business, and I avoid any situation that I know will become problematic."

"What about a musician?"

"Can't play a single note on any instrument."

"I play piano." James isn't boasting, just putting it out there.

"I know you do." She tells him.

"I could teach you." He offers. "A free lesson, compliments of James Diamond."

She's smiling this big wide smile at him, and she looks happy and amused, "I might take you up on that offer."

"What about singing?"

"Dunno, never tried to make a career of it."

"Can you?"

"Depends on who you ask."

"I'm asking you."

"Then I'd tell you I'm not terrible." She's sifting through her fries, not very interested in the conversation at hand. He wonders if there is a reason behind her lack of effort.

"So, you're young, beautiful, and you live in Los Angeles, but you're not trying to get famous?"

She puts a frie in her mouth and looks up from the now empty tray of food. James has been finished for a while now, but he isn't rushing Hailey. He wants to spend as much time with her that he can.

"I'm not interested in being famous."

James feels conflicted with that statement; it's all he ever wanted for all of his twenty-five years of life.

"I didn't move to L.A. to become a star, I moved here because after I got out of college, I thought it might be easy for me to find a job." She explains. "Fame takes a certain quality in a person; it's something that _you_ obviously have. You're handsome and charismatic, funny, smart, of course you want to be famous, and there's no surprise that you are."

James is smiling at the compliments she gives.

"I'm not that person though. It wouldn't suit me."

James thinks she's wrong, but he doesn't fight her. There's no point in it. He doesn't want to see her upset, he likes her happy too much.

When they finish, it hits James that it's been long past a half an hour.

"Shane doesn't care, by now some people are leaving. I'll work the rest of the night."

They continue questioning each other. It's almost like twenty questions, but he's sure he's asked way more than that by now, and they aren't taking turns. James is pretty much interrogating her, but she doesn't seem to mind.

"How do you fill up your spare time?"

She looks up at the sky and says, "I surf."

"Really?"

He receives a nod, "Yeah, I grew up in Davenport. It's just north of Santa Cruz."

James is vaguely aware of where that is. He can't remember if they played there before the band got so famous. Now they really only do big shows in arenas and stadiums, unless it's for a special cause or Katie feels like they need to try and connect with their fan base more and books them a small show in venue that only holds a couple hundred people instead of a couple thousand.

"My dad is a surfer, Shane is a surfer, I'm a surfer. It runs in the family."

She tells him where she rides, and on what days she normally goes. James considers setting up an accidental run in. Then he decides that if it comes down to it, he'll go. It might be his only way to see her again after tonight.

When they reach the apartment complex, she puts her shoes back on and she's standing a few inches taller once more.

She heads back into the kitchen, and he sees Shane look over his sister to makes sure she's fine. James meets the eyes of her brother and though he has returned Hailey the way she was when she left, there's still warnings in the eyes of the older man.

It's obvious when James returns.

Everyone has their eyes on him. He's walking in after Hailey as Kendall and Jo are walking out.

Kendall gives him and look and James knows he'll have to explain later.

Hailey was right, the party has cleared up significantly. Looking around, he notices that Logan and Camille are already gone. Carlos is surrounded by girls. James can tell that he's in heaven.

He follows Hailey around like a puppy. Not the lovesick kind, just a puppy. He's speaks with those who speak to him, but his attention, his focus is on the small, blue eyed girl walking around in heels and serving celebrities mini pastries. Hailey is fun, smart, amusing, entertaining, funny; easy to talk with fun to talk with, she's relaxed and the fact that she's spent a portion of her night just hanging out with James Diamond doesn't even seem to have an effect on her.

People are leaving now, and the numbers are dwindling. They come up to him and say goodbye, girls come up to him and offer to take him home. But he says goodbye and respectfully declines all of them. These girls around him are beautiful, but they pale in comparison to the one girl on the roof who isn't famous. They all work so hard to be beautiful and the only hint of makeup James has noticed on Hailey's face is mascara. She's not even wearing eyeliner, no cover up or concealer. She's naturally beautiful.

"What time are you finished?"' James asks, "I want to take you home."

Hailey whips around and looks James directly in the eye. Her face is serious and James wonders what he's said.

"I'm not that kind of girl, James." She explains to him.

James is taken a back. Of course that's what she thinks.

"No," he says, "no, I didn't mean it like that. I meant I could just give you a ride, as friends."

She looks at him skeptically but she gives him a slow nod. "I don't know. I can ask Shane if I can go now, there's only like ten people left."

He waits on the roof with the remnants of the part goers while Hailey confronts her brother. He's a chef, good with knives and James is offering to take his little sister home. James is kind of afraid of the man.

James has never been one of the last ones left at a party. normally he finds a girl halfway through the night, takes her home and he continues to party all night long but in the comfort of his own home.

She comes back on the roof. Her hair that was piled on top of her head messily is now down, loose and free, falling over her shoulders and bouncing like waves.

"Let's go." She says.

She takes off her shoes when they're in the elevator and James finds himself smiling for the hundredth time tonight.

James drives an Audi. It's a car he loves; it's a car he's proud to cruise around in. He can tell that Hailey doesn't want to let it show, but she's impressed.

She gives him directions to her apartment. It's only a few miles away. It's dark, but he can tell the apartments are new and look stylish. He offers to be a gentleman and walk her to her door. She tells him that it's alright and James is shot down on an offer for the second time of the night.

It's a blow to his mammoth ego. Not enough to damage or even dent it, maybe just a tiny flake, but it's still there.

"Wait" he says as she's getting out of the car, "Can I have your phone number? I mean, we are friends now, right?"

She gives him that same skeptical look, the one she's been giving him all night. But she gives in; James can't help but feel all sorts of accomplished as he programs her name and number into his phone.

He watches her leave and waits until she disappears to actually leave.

James gets back to the mansion, throws off his clothes not caring where they land. In his boxers he flops on to his bed, pulling the covers up over his chest. He closes his eyes but Hailey's face is all he sees.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Okay, so! Lots of dialogue. We find out a little about Hailey and I added Shane in there because I know that's how my older brother would be. Actually his name is Shane and he is a big scary chef, lol.

Hope you enjoyed, a pretty innocent chapter, all in all. But still, I liked it, I think it's kinda cute and James can't see it yet, but he's just walked straight into everything he's ever avoided.

Don't be afraid to leave a review!


	4. Love Song For No One

**A/N:** thanks for the reviews! Not sure if there's going to be as much dialogue in this chapter, but there might be.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Four –Love Song for No One<strong>

_Staying home alone on a Friday, flat on the floor looking back on old love, or lack thereof. After all the crushes are faded, and all my wishful thinking was wrong. I'm jaded. I hate it._

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><p>The house is still quiet when James makes his way from his bedroom downstairs to the kitchen. It's something that doesn't happen too often. Five men live in the house, the BTR boys and Mama K's new husband. Boys are loud and rowdy. If there's any type of sports game on, peace and quiet is something nonexistent, especially if it's hockey.<p>

Mama K is in the kitchen in a robe and a pair of pajamas. Kenneth, her husband is sitting at the table reading the newspaper. All of the boys approve of Ken. He's a good man and he makes Mama K happy. It's something that both Katie and Kendall appreciate.

She's still beautiful, Mama K, that is. But her hair isn't long, thick and full anymore. It's short, thin and only grows in patches. She wears Kendall's old beanies to cover her head most of the time. Mama K has been fighting cancer for the past three years. It's been a pretty even fight, and though she won't ever admit it, the radiation and Chemo therapy have been taking their toll on her. She won't let it affect her livelihood though. She refuses to just sit there and do nothing all the time. The boys don't like to trouble Mama K much anymore; they clean up their own mess and try to run her errands for her when they're home. But she still makes them breakfast and dinner every night that they're home. She's still just as motherly as she always was.

"Good morning James." She says from the stove. James gives her a kiss on the cheek and says "Mornin' Mama K, Ken."

Ken smiles at him from across the room, "You're the first one down. That's unusual."

James shrugs, "Drank a lot less than the others for once."

Mama K turns around and she has a plate of eggs and bacon in her hands. She sets it down in front of him and says, "Good, I'm proud of you."

He thanks her for the food and she goes into the fridge to retrieve his favorite kind of salsa and sets it down next to his plate. "Orange juice?"

He nods.

As she's pouring him a glass she says, "Ken is taking me to the hospital in about an hour, I'll be there over night. Kendall knows, but if I don't see the others before we leave can you tell them?"

James worries about Mama K all the time. She pretty much is his mom. James loves Brooke Diamond, but she's always too wrapped up in work to ever engage in the mother-son activities. Mama K has never been too busy for any of the boys.

Ken and Mama K leave the kitchen not long after, and only moments after they've gone, Kendall, Logan and Carlos stumble in. They all look tired and hung over, especially Carlos.

"I think Mama K left your breakfast in the pan." James says as his best friends find their way around the kitchen.

"Why are you up?" Kendall asks. "You were out later than the rest of us; shouldn't you be sleeping off a hangover?"

"I didn't get drunk last night." James says taking a bite of his eggs.

"Oh right," Logan says, "you got love drunk."

"I only had sex once last night."

They all look at him now.

"You mean to tell us that you were gone for almost two hours with that one catering chick and you didn't sleep with her?"

James shrugs and says, "We were just talking."

"Is that what they're calling it nowadays?" It's Logan again; he's always the critic, the skeptic.

"I'm serious." James says.

Carlos has his head on the counter, the lights are too bright for him and James knows the levels of their voices are too loud for his poor hung over friend. But when James tells them that he didn't sleep with Hailey, even Carlos turns to look at him.

"What did you guys do then?" Kendall asks.

"We talked." He repeats himself. "We're friends."

All eyes are back on him. And it's true; James and Hailey are friends now, right? She accepted his ride home, told him about herself and gave him her number, it counts as the start of a friendship.

"I don't believe it." Logan says.

James is kind of hurt his friends have so little faith in him, but then again, he's never given them any reason to think otherwise. For the first time, aside from Camille, Katie and loosely Jo, James is friends with a girl. Not friends with benefits, not sex friends, just friends. It's a weird feeling, but it feels good.

"What did you guys do if you didn't have sex?" Carlos manages to ask.

"Yeah, come on, you can't expect us to just take your word for it." Kendall urges him.

"Do you even know her names?" Logan has his arms crossed.

"Her name is Hailey, I don't know her last name, didn't ask for it."

Logan continues, "Okay, how old is she?"

"Twenty-two." James remembers asking that painfully awkward question the night before.

"What does she do for a living?" It's Kendall interrogating him now.

"She's a bank teller." James rolls his eyes and turns on the island stood to look at his three friends, "Look, her name is Hailey, she's twenty two, she's a bank teller, her brother's name is Shane, he's the one who catered the party last night, it's why she was there, he was down a hand and she volunteered. She graduated from USC last year, majored in Human Communications, grew up in Davenport, California, and she spends most of her free time surfing."

He doesn't repeat to them what her real dream occupation is, James feels like she trusted him with that. He doesn't want to betray her.

They're all looking at him with wide eyes and surprised faces.

"You really didn't sleep with her." Kendall says in disbelief.

James shakes his head, "Nope. She's that girl from our last show, the one who brought the little girl Sophia and her sister on the bus. The one Logan pulled on stage."

"Why?" Carlos asks.

"She's gorgeous, "James says, "I'd take her home in an instant, but she isn't that kind of girl. She wouldn't even let me buy her a hamburger."

"This is insane." Logan says, "You're really, seriously, actually friends, with a girl who isn't famous, eats hamburgers and won't sleep with you?"

"Yeah," he says, "I offered her a ride home, but it kind of came out wrong, I ended up saying that I wanted to take her home and she got this stern look on her face and told me she wasn't that kind of girl. I hadn't even meant it like that."

"James was shot down?" Carlos asks incredulously. James notices that Carlos has stolen his glass of orange juice and drank more than half of it.

"For the first time in history." James gets up to get himself another glass and some new orange juice, Carlos can keep that cup.

"You're not even bothered by it?" Kendall has begun to serve himself the breakfast his mother made.

"Nah, I got her phone number, and I'm considering going to some of her surf spots so I can see her again."

"You're pursuing her?" Logan's voice, if possible holds even more surprise.

"We're friends," James defends, "I have a right to want to hang out with my friends."

Camille enters the kitchen then. She wraps her arms around Logan's torso and snuggles under his chin. Logan kisses the top of her head and holds her close to him. His eyes close and James notices how happy his best friend looks.

"I thought you went home with Jo last night," James looks to Kendall. "You basically live there now."

"Nah, took her home, she was tired so I tucked her in and came back here."

"I want love." Carlos says with his head still on the counter.

"You won't find it by trying to become James." Camille says. James looks at her and she is letting go of Logan, coming to sit by Carlos at the island counter, she takes James's seat. "No offense James, but you aren't exactly heading down the road to be happily married and expecting by the time your thirty."

"None taken." James says.

"I don't know about that." Logan sits next to his girlfriend, "James got shot down by a girl last night. Now they're friends, just friends, and James knows all about her."

Camille faces James and raises her eyebrows, "You didn't sleep with the catering chick?"

He shakes his head and after a sip of orange juice he says, "Her name is Hailey by the way."

"But you did sleep with the model?""

James rolls his eyes. "You can't take me to a party like that and not expect me to get some at least one time during the night."

Camille looks to Carlos, his head is back down on the counter. "Look at Jo and Kendall," she says, "they've been together for_ seven_ years. That's a long time. You know why? Because Kendall loves her. He's never cheated on her, he's always honest with her, and he loves to be around her."

"It's true." Kendall has joined the club and started drinking orange juice as well.

"Look at me and Camille," Logan says running his fingers through her hair. They look so in love. James is happy for them, but it holds no appeal in his eyes. Casual fucks are his thing. "We've had our good times, had our bad times, but when it's good it's great. She makes me feel like superman, she's my Lois Lane."

Camille is blushing. It's cute, James smiles, but at the same time he's wondering if there really is anyone out there that could make him feel 'love'. He doesn't think so, it's not possible for him, it won't compute in his system. The 'error' screen pops up like on a computer if his brain Google's love. It's just not that. At least romantically. He knows that he loves his mother, Mama K, his friends, but when it comes to the female specimen, his love doesn't extend.

"That's what I want." Carlos groans.

"Then the next time we're at a party, don't hang out with me. Try Kendall and Jo, Jo has some hot friends." James says. He's not affected by the conversation at hand. He knows that they're all telling Carlos not to look up to James like a role model, and James agrees. Carlos deserves love and he sincerely hopes that he finds it. James is meant to be stag though. He's meant to be alone. He's perfectly lonely.

"It doesn't matter if she's hot or not," Camille looks at James and chides him. "Love and lust are two different things, James is clearly only capable of lust. When you love someone it doesn't matter what they look like, what they've done in the past. All that matters is that you're together. The world is rainbows and butterflies."

"Is that how I make you feel?" Logan asks with his lips against her cheek. Camille smiles and says, "As a matter of fact it is."

"Like Mama K and Kenneth. They fell in love before she got cancer, but even when she was diagnosed Kenneth stuck around."

Everyone is surprised when they realize it's James that's spoken. He rolls his eyes again, "Just because I'm not capable of feeling it myself, doesn't mean I can't recognize when other people are feeling it."

"Like Kendall and Jo too," James says, "I kind of sort of don't like Jo, but I put up with her because my best friend loves her."

"Why don't you like her?" Kendall asks, "It's always puzzled me."

James shrugs, "Just one of those things, I can tolerate her though, so you know, it's whatever."

James doesn't want to reveal his insecurities to his best friends. They don't need to know about them as long as everything is still fine.

"So are you just tolerating me?" Camille asks.

"Nah, I actually like you."

James informs them of the message that Mama K asked him to pass on. No one says it, but it's written all over all of their faces, and the silence that follows only confirms it. They're all worried about her.

Katie shows up at the house an hour later to get James. He's got an interview with Us about the break up and then he's got to do some modeling for Tommy Hilfiger. It's going to be a busy day. James doesn't mind though, it keeps his mind off of things. When he's idle and his mind is free to wander, it tends to land on topics that he really doesn't want to think about. Like his father and how bad their relationship has gotten. Or why the fuck he is so messed up in the head when it comes to women. He likes to think he was born jaded and he's such a good actor that he almost believes himself, but he knows deep down when there's a tug on his heart that there's a reason he's like this. James won't let himself think about why though. And if he's not thinking about things like that, he's got this pessimistic outlook on life. If something can go wrong it will. He wonders what will happen if the band breaks up. He wonders what life will be like without his three best friends. He wonders about how much longer Mama K has on this planet. They aren't pleasant thoughts.

Katie is there with him during the interview, but she isn't really. Not even into the first question she gets a call about some publicity stint for Kendall. James is the pretty one, but Kendall is the leader. He needs just as much face time. Katie tries to make it even for all of the boys, but James is in demand more than the others. Kendall is right behind him because he's the front man, and it's a tie between Logan and Carlos, Katie schedules more things for Carlos because Logan is seen out and about with Camille a lot. Carlos has been offered a position as a judge by Randy Jackson on America's Best Dance Crew. James is completely versatile in show business, but Carlos is known for his dance moves. He hasn't taken the position because he's still in his prime as a musician, but Randy told him that the day that Carlos retires from touring the job will be waiting for him. It was a big deal, they went out and celebrated. Carlos deserves to be recognized. Sometimes James doesn't like being the center of attention because his friends deserve just as much of it.

James wonders what he'll do when the band retires. He hopes that it's not for a while though. He knows that he'll have his own career in music because music producers come to him all the time telling him that if he ever wants a solo career they'll back him up one hundred percent. But James has always been interested in owning his own label. James has starred in two movies already and he does guest appearances on TV shows like with Camille. He's even been on Glee. He's become good friend with Cory Montieth and Mark Salling. They go out for drinks whenever he's not on tour. James is also pretty good friends with Zac Efron who co-starred in his last film. Katie has been sending a lot of scripts James's way lately too. Armani is always happy to have him model their Men's fashion. Last year for Christmas he received a special, personally designed and tailored suit from Giorgio himself.

Logan of course is the only one in the band who bothered with college. If he wanted to, he could make it as a doctor like he always planned.

Kendall would probably either go back to playing hockey, and maybe even try to get recruited, but Kendall could make his own way in music as well. Record labels approach him maybe even more often than James.

"So, James," the woman begins, her name is Monica Rivero and she's a newer writer for Us. "What happened with Victoria, she was your longest relationship in a while. She says that you did it in cold blood, no reason at all."

"There's always a reason," James says coolly, "Victoria was great, it's just, I'm not really a serious relationship type of guy. I never meant to hurt Victoria, I really didn't."

"You say that about a lot of your relationships, that you're not a serious relationship type of guy, will you ever have a serious relationship?"

"One day," James says, "one day I'm sure I will meet a girl who will make my world stand still, and I'll fall in love with her. And when I do, I won't hesitate to maintain a serious relationship." It's a lie.

"So Victoria didn't make you feel like the world was at a standstill?"

"Victoria was a great girl, is a great girl and I'm sure she knows that she deserves to feel that way. I didn't feel it with her and she probably didn't feel it with me either."

The interview is finished not long after that. When James exits the room, Katie is still on the phone outside the room. Whether or not she's talking to the same person, James doesn't know. They get in the sleek black car and Katie tells the driver to head to James's photo shoot.

Katie remains outside, she's still on the phone. James heads inside.

Photo shoots are always fun and hectic. Once he's there he's being changed in and out of outfits, different female models are being thrown towards him, and his facial expressions go from serious to laughing, smiling to fierce. He's a natural, always has been.

He's never worked with this photographer, but they get along well and he continually compliments James as he gets shot after shot of what he wants.

It's late in the day by the time James is finished. He's exhausted, but in a good way. He's been photographed in countless outfits with multiple different back drops and quite a few different models have been in his arms today.

Katie takes him home. She doesn't live with them. She said that she has to live with them for three hundred of the three hundred and sixty five days in the year. When she can get away from them, she does.

Kendall is home alone when James arrives. James vaguely remembers Kendall telling him that Jo has to do some interviews and meet up with her publicist today.

James sits with his best friend and watches TV, Kendall barely acknowledges him, he's too into the show he's watching. As it turns out it's something with Camille in it. It's not her main show, the one James has guest starred on. She's a minor reoccurring character in this one. James is getting into it as well even though it's halfway through. Something to do with a girl falling in love with the man her murdered her brother and she's just found out that he was the one who did it.

During a commercial Kendall turns to him and says, "How'd today go?"

James shrugs, "Hectic, photo shoots are always crazy. But it was a good time."

"Tell me something James," Kendal is sitting up instead of lying on the couch now. "This Hailey girl, she's really just a friend?"

"Yeah, we're really just friends."

"Do you think she's someone you could potentially date?"

"Dunno, she's beautiful. I don't even know how to put into words how beautiful I think she is, it's weird. Because you know me, I'm always suave and charming, but I find it challenging to be smooth around her. And you know, she shot me down, so there is the matter of her even going for me. She might not. I'm famous, and she's really down to earth."

"Maybe, that's what you need."

"Maybe, but she doesn't need famous. She doesn't want to be famous at all; she told me she has absolutely no interest in it at all."

Kendall looks impressed.

James's phone is ringing then. It's Kelly.

"Hello, hello, how's the mommy-to-be?" James asks.

Kelly is married to Gustavo now. It was insanely surprising when it went down. James remembers that Carlos literally fainted when he saw the ring. It was really hard to believe, but at the same time, not so much. They spent every single day together, dealt with each other like a couple, fought like a couple and it was obvious that they loved each other, but just not like that.

Personally, James shudders at the thought of anything romantic related to Gustavo.

Kelly laughs and tells James that she's good. She goes into a little bit of detail about the pregnancy and James in genuinely interested because he cares about Kelly.

"That's not why I called though," she says realizing she's gotten off track. "I called because we need you to write a song. Gustavo's busy with some new groups right now, and he can't write love songs for everyone, so it's your turn."

"He wants me to write a love song?" James asks incredulously. "I don't do love Kelly, I wouldn't know how."

"James, don't be ridiculous, in love or not, you sing loves songs on all the albums and it's all that's ever on the radio now days anyways. So take a few days and try to write one."

"Only for you Kelly."

"Talk to you later James."

They hang up and Kendall is looking at him expecting some sort of summary of the conversation.

"Gustavo wants me to write a love song."

Kendall laughs out loud. "Wow, good luck with that."

"I don't know why I have to write it, why can't one of the guys who's ever actually been in love write it?"

"I wrote the last love song." Kendall explains, "Logan wrote the last break-up song, and Carlos wrote the last song about looking for love. Write a song about finding love." Kendall suggests.

"Oh yeah, so easy." James says sarcastically, "Love isn't my thing."

He ends up in his room, lying on his California king size bed with his feather pillows and down comforter. He's staring up at the ceiling. How the fuck is he supposed to write a love song?

He's never been in love. Not even close. No one has ever made him feel giddy and gave him butterflies. There's no one qualified for him to write this song about.

How is he supposed to write a love song for no one?

Not cool Gustavo.

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><p><strong>AN:** Hey, hey, hey. So this chapter does have a lot of dialogue but it's pretty even with the meaty stuff as well.

James is faced with a challenge. Can he do it? We'll find out eventually lol.

Thanks to the couple of reviewers I have: **Science-Fantasy93, ILoveTheIsland, dramagodess202**. You are appreciated lol :]

You can follow me on twitter and tumblr too if you want to I mean.

twitter: lindseycheas

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	5. Kaleidoscope

**A/N:** Wasn't too sure how to start this chapter out, sorry if it's not great. Just had my wisdom teeth pulled so the pain meds are fogging up my mind, but all I've been thinking about is writing this story lol.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Five – Kaleidoscope<strong>

_She hangs wind chimes from her ears, but I still can't tell which way her mood is blowing. The shades of her eyes, well, don't let them fool you now, 'cause naive is not her middle name._

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><p>"How's the love song coming?" Carlos asks as he flops on the couch next to James.<p>

It's been three days since Kelly called. James doesn't even have down the first line. Worse, he hasn't even figured out a single word to put in it. James can't use the word love. James feels like music tells the truth and if he wrote a song about being in love, then it would be a lie, something which James doesn't like to do in his little world of music. He can sing songs about love, but he can't write them.

"It's not." James replies.

"Well you need to write something."

"I'm aware." James groans, but it's only nine in the morning. He doesn't need to worry about it right now.

"Alright, alright." Carlos is clearly amused by James's disdain. "We're heading to the beach to, trying to catch some surf. You want to come?"

"When don't I want to surf?" James sits up, "And since when do you want to?"

Carlos shrugs, "Beach is a great place to meet girls."

That sentence strikes James. And suddenly he's asking what beach they're heading to. He can't get up to his room and get his wet suit on fast enough. It's Sunday, one of the days that he remembers Hailey telling him she surfs. He hasn't seen or heard from Hailey since the party. She's crossed his mind over the past few days and he's wanted to call her, but he wasn't sure what kept him from doing it. Maybe he didn't want to seem like one of those desperate guys. Because James isn't desperate. He got laid last night, and the night before, and two times the day before. But James wants to see Hailey, and showing up at one of her surf spots, he can make it seem completely coincidental.

He knocks on Kendall's door before he enters. Kendall is in a pair of swim trunks with a towel over his shoulders, sunglasses on.

"Hey, James, Carlos tell you we're heading to the beach?"

"Yeah, but which spot are we going to?"

"Don't know, why?"

"I have a place in mind."

An hour later the four boys, Camille and Jo are in Logan's Escalade heading down to a spot on the beach none of them have been before. James doesn't know why Carlos, Kendall and Logan even say that they surf. Really they don't. They all have boards and they bring them every time they go to the beach but James is the only one that ever surfs.

When they arrive, James can see that there's only a few other surfers in the water. He's hoping one of them is Hailey.

It's a secluded spot with a nice beach and from the looks of it, pretty consistent waves. James can see why this place holds appeal to Hailey.

He helps the others unload everything out of the Escalade and bring it down to the beach before he heads back up for his board. He stands it in the sand and does his part to help set up the beach blankets and set up the portable gazebo. James is itching for the waves though, so he heads out as soon as everything is set up.

The water is cold on his feet, but it's all he can feel. The wetsuit has the rest of his body, from his ankles to his neck covered. He paddles out to join the other surfers, Hailey isn't out there. It's kind of a letdown, but he won't let it ruin his day full of surf.

The surfers out there on the water recognize him, and they treat him like he's a part of their crew. They laugh, and crack jokes when he doesn't get up in time.

"You know," this blonde guy says, his hair is long, probably past his shoulders; James can't remember if his name is Matthew or Mark. "No one really believes that you can surf because there are never any pictures of you out on the water. But you aren't that bad."

James takes it as a compliment because that guy has gotten up on every wave perfectly and rode it as far as it would take him. He's impressive.

The day has gone by fast. They arrived at the beach close to eleven, and James has only been back on shore once to down a sandwich. The sun isn't high up in the sky anymore, but it's not close to setting either. James judges it's probably around 4.

He can hear someone paddling up behind him, but he's too focused on watching Mark, the blonde guy, catch a wave. It's a big one, James was tempted to take it, but decided to let Mark have it. He wants to see him side it too shore and see if there is some kind of technique he might have that James can pick up on.

"Hey James."

He turns and all he can do is smile. It's Hailey and she leaves him speechless much like she always does. She's in a wetsuit as well, it only goes down to her elbows, and her hair is tied up in a tight bun to keep the hair from getting in her face. It can be a distraction, James knows. When his hair is wet it's just long enough to get into his eyes.

"Hi Hailey."

She sits on her board right next to him. They don't talk much while they're out there. Hailey is too wrapped up by watching the waves and examining the other surfers. They all know her by name and treat her like she's one of their best friends. James wouldn't be surprised if she is. James is now too caught up in watching Hailey to actually watch the waves he might be able to take. She grins at him before she gets ready to take one on. James can't wait to watch her. He can tell that she's good because confidence is radiating off of her.

For a minute he loses sight of her, the wave is taller than her, but then her head and shoulders are visible again and he can see her riding with her arms out keeping her balance easily. She doesn't wipe out or lose her balance, and soon she's paddling back out to meet him.

They're out there for a while longer, but that's when most of the other surfers decide to head back. James and Hailey do the same. James can see that his group is packing up camp.

Once they're back to shore, Hailey looks at him and says, "Showing up at my surf spots, huh? Are you stalking me James Diamond?"

He can't help but chuckle, because in reality, he kind of is.

"It was a complete coincidence." He says smiling down at her.

"I'm sure it was."

"You want to go out to dinner with me?" he asks suddenly.

She looks back up at him, and there's a hesitant smile on her face, but she nods and says, "Sure."

"Do you want to go home and change, and I can pick you up?"

She puts a hand on her hip and says, "Would you be embarrassed to take me out in public in a wet suit and messy surf hair?"

"No," James says, "not at all, I was thinking I might be the embarrassing one. Went straight to the beach today, didn't have a chance to put any Cuda on."

Hailey laughs. They're nearing James five friends, and Hailey glances from him to them but he shrugs and says, "I'll help them later. Let me walk you to your car."

"Is the real James Diamond such a gentleman? Cause I've heard otherwise. Or maybe I'm just special."

He laughs, "You're special."

She's trying not to smile, but he can see that the statement has impressed her. They reach her car, it's a black Acura TL, it looks pretty new. She opens the back door and slides in her surf board.

"Can you help me?" She asks, she's talking about unzipping her wet suit. James nods like it's not a big deal, but for some reason, his heart has begun to pound is his chest.

He keeps his hands steady as he unzips it, from her neck, to the small of her back. She's shrugging out of it now, and James is trying to focus on something other than her because if he gets caught watching her, he isn't sure how she'll react.

She turns around to face him once she's out of the suit. She's wearing a striped bikini and James is enjoying the sight of her with such a small amount of coverage too much. It's only worse when she bends over and reaches into the back seat of her car for a towel. When she wraps it around herself, James feels a bit of relief, but he's also reluctant to lose the sight. He is however holding his board across the front of him, just to be careful.

"So," she says, "pick me up at my house in an hour? I like riding in your Audi."

James grins and says that he'll be there. He watches her drive away before heading back down to the boys to help pack everything up, but by the time he reaches the Escalade they're already finishing putting everything away.

"Thanks for the help." Logan says sarcastically.

"Sorry, I was busy."

"Yeah, figure out who you're spending the night with?" Carlos asks.

"That was actually Hailey." James says. Everyone is looking at him now with the same look except for Jo because she wasn't there for the conversation about her.

"Who's Hailey?" Jo finally asks.

"The only girls that has ever shot James down in history and that he's ever actually put effort into pursuing." Camille fills her in.

"We're going out to dinner tonight." James says, "I have to go pick her up in an hour."

"Is it a date?"

James shrugs, "I'm not sure. I just asked her out. I guess I'll find out later."

Jo looks impressed for once in her life with something that has to do with James.

"Yeah, so let's go, I don't want to be late."

When they reach the house, James has permission to skip on unloading and go get ready for his date. Which is exactly what he does. He races up stairs and gets in the shower. He gets as clean as he possibly can and it's in a record of fifteen minutes. He blow dries his hair, rubs some Cuda in it and brushes it with his lucky comb.

He throws on some casual jeans, and his lucky white V-neck. His black blazer tops it all off and he looks good. Really good. But then again, he's James Diamond, when doesn't he look good?

He gets the approval of his friends and Mama K. She's home from the hospital now and she's looking pretty good. She gives him a hug and says. "Be a gentleman tonight, okay?"

He's in the car, driving to her house, and he's only got five minutes. He's never been one to be punctual, but he's also never been the one to worry about impressing a girl, like he is right now.

He shows up to her house at exactly seven o'clock and now he's wondering if showing up exactly on time is bad. But it's too late now because he's already rang the doorbell and he's standing outside of her apartment.

She opens the door, and James catches a whiff of the most wonderful scent in the world. He can't put his finger on it, but it's clean and refreshing, but soft and warm at the same time. Hailey's hair is still damp and has yet to be brushed. She's wearing a t-shirt that looks like it might be four or five sizes too big for her. He can't tell if she's wearing shorts or not, because the shirt is hanging down to just above her knees almost like a dress. It's an adorable sight and James can't help but say, "I love the outfit."

She smiles and rolls her eyes. "Come in, make yourself at home. I didn't quite expect you here on time, so I need like fifteen more minutes."

"No problem." James smiles.

He watches her head into a different room. The apartment isn't all that big, but it's not too small either. It's spacious and looks modern. Most of her furniture matches; she has white couches and a dark cherry stained coffee table. A plum colored throw blanket hangs over the back of one of her couches. The kitchen has white countertops, and most of her appliances are black. He likes how everything matches; she has a high table and high chairs in an open space that he deems the dining room. Behind the table is a sliding glass door with a view of the city. She's on the third floor which means she doesn't really have a backyard, but she does have a balcony. On the walls there are pictures, he recognizes Shane in some of them, and a couple that he assumes are her parents are in a lot of others. Unfamiliar faces are mixed in here and there, but in all of the pictures, Hailey is wearing this beautiful smile.

Hailey comes out in a dress. It's an off white halter with blue flowers scattered along the bottom. It's a pretty summer dress. And it goes well with her skin tone and the blue brings out the brightness in her eyes.

"I wasn't planning on doing much with my hair," she says, "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all." James says. He thinks she looked beautiful the way she answered the door.

She heads into the bathroom, and James can see her begin to brush her hair. He continues to examine the pictures along her wall before he sits down on one of her couches. On the coffee table, James sees himself. It surprises him. But in a frame is the picture that he took with Hailey the night that they met. He grins. Next to the picture though, is a kaleidoscope. He wonders what signifigance it has to Hailey.

She comes out with her hair parted and pulled into a French braid that falls over her left shoulder. She isn't wearing any make-up besides her usual mascara.

"I see I made an impression." James gestures to the picture.

She smiles but doesn't look embarrassed. And she doesn't seem nervous or intimidated by the fact that there is an A list celebrity sitting on her couch. She seems just fine. Like it's the most normal thing in the world.

"The reactions I get from people when they see it is great. Everyone flips out. No one ever believes me when I tell them that me and you are buds though."

He laughs, "Why's that?"

"Because I'm a bank teller and you are a rock star." She explains with a shrug.

"Well, I'll have to think of some proof to give them."

They head out then and They aren't even pulled out of her apartment complex when she says, "Is this a date?"

"It can be whatever you want."

"It's not a date then."

"Okay." James tries to hide the disappointment in his voice.

"I am not naïve James." She says, "I know you have a reputation, and while I would very much like to date you. Because you're handsome and charming, I know you have a reputation," She repeats and for the first time it seems like Hailey is struggling for words, "so you know, I think we should build up a friendship, and things can go from there."

Handsome isn't a word that James hears referring to himself very often. It's always hot, or pretty, even beautiful and gorgeous, but James is rarely called handsome. It's a compliment he treasures more than most.

"What makes you think I even want to be more than friends with you? I have female friends."

"Do you really James?"

"Camille, Katie and Jo Taylor."

"They don't count." Hailey says, "Camille and Jo are dating your best friends and Katie is Kendall's little sister and your manager."

"So?"

"Besides, you said I was special, remember?"

"Fine." James says, "We'll be just friends, _for now_, because you _will_ inevitably fall for me."

"You seem pretty confident about that."

"I am, trust me."

"What if you fall for me instead?"

James almost says, _yeah right_. But something stops him and instead he says, "We'll just have to see."

"We will then."

"And tonight isn't a date, just a friendly dinner. But I'm buying. I asked you out."

"That's fine." She says, "I forgot my wallet anyways."

James laughs, and he's never felt so at home and comfortable in the car with a woman.

They get into a faux argument about where to go for dinner, but James lets her win, he's just enjoying getting to know different sides of her. She's fun, playful, and fierce. Her laughter is like beautiful music.

They end up at a small restaurant on the boardwalk. James has never been there before, and he's almost afraid that he'll get mobbed by fans. But Hailey explains that no one will think it's him because she's walking with him and she doesn't even look close to famous. James protests and says that she's beautiful.

He catches the blush that fills her cheeks when he says this. It's a pretty shade of pink.

She's sitting across from him, like usual, her hair is out of her face, and James takes in the beauty of her wide eyes and the perfection of her flawless complexion. She's wearing earrings that hang down and blow when the wind comes through the open window; they remind him of wind chimes.

"So when is your next tour?" She asks.

"We leave at the beginning of June." He answers breaking apart a biscuit in front of him. He's never had food this good before. He's been missing out going to all those high end restaurants. Because the food of the working class is pretty much heavenly, at least here it is.

"So you have about a month off?"

James nods, his mouth is now full of the heavenly biscuit

"I wish I had a month off."

"You should talk to your manager."

She laughs, "If only."

"What bank do you work at?" he asks.

"Chase."

"Oh, my bank, I think I have a reason to check my finances more often now."

"Well, Mr. Diamond, I'm sure we have plenty of qualified bank tellers who can help you out."

"But I only want, Hailey- wait, what's your last name?"

"Whitley." She replies with a smile.

"Well, I only want the help of Ms. Hailey Whitley."

By now they've finished dinner and are waiting for the check. James has a full stomach and he's red in the face from laughing with Hailey. She gets all of his jokes and references. She calls him out when he's got something mixed up and she enjoys making him talk with different accents and insulting him when they sound terrible.

"You're an actor? What is the world coming to?" She'd said at one point during the night while gasping for air as he tried to speak with a Hindu accent.

It's dark out and close to nine when they finish dinner but neither of them are ready to go home yet. James has a new best friend as well as a new woman to woo. They walk along the boardwalk and he plays games trying to win her stuffed animals.

She's got a giant giraffe tucked under her arm and they're waiting in line to get some ice cream. They're talking over the pros and cons of vanilla ice cream. They both happen to be fans of it. James orders them both cones and they find a bench to enjoy the cold treat on because Hailey isn't quite big enough to walk around with a giant giraffe and eat an ice cream come at the same time, it takes both hands to hold the giraffe as it is.

"No, no I really did," Hailey is saying in reference to James's last movie. "I loved it. I think that it was a good role for you. You're a good actor and the romantic comedies suit you."

"You didn't think that Zac Efron over shadowed me?"

"Well, hold on there, have you seen Zac Efron?" She says with far away eyes, then she looks back at him and laughs, "He's a good looking dude, you're a good looking dude, that's part of what made the movie so much better. When there are two hunks without shirts on, come on. What more can preteens, teens and post pubescent ladies want?"

James laughs, "Come on though, who do you think is better looking, me or Zac?"

She's holding back a grin, but her answer to his question is put on hold when James's phone rings. He answers reluctantly because there is some pretty serious flirting going on right now between him and Hailey.

"Kendall, terrible timing." He answers.

"Hey, get to the hospital, Carlos is in the emergency room."

He hangs up then and James is serious. "Hailey, I'm sorry, I have to take you home. That was Kendall, Carlos is in the hospital."

She doesn't question him; she gets up and throws her ice cream away. She's walking with the huge giraffe as quickly as she can to keep up with James.

They're in the Audi and James is trying to drive the speed limit but he's worried about Carlos. When they reach her apartment she tells him to let her know what's going on and wishes Carlos well.

He gets to the hospital and in the emergency waiting room, Kendall, Katie and Logan sit. He joins them and says, "What the fuck happened?" in a very hushed tone.

"Carlos was break dancing, he landed wrong, and now we're here." Logan explains.

"What do you mean he landed wrong?" James asks angrily.

"Well, he landed on his head, and then his body just kind of went limp and he landed on his arm, which is most likely broken."

"What an idiot." James says shaking his head, but it's meant endearingly.

The doctor comes out and gets them shortly. He explains that Carlos has a concussion and that his arm was fractured. But he will be fine soon. He'll be able to go on tour with them next month and Katie is most relieved by that. Dancing is something that he should refrain from doing. But Katie doesn't mind the rest. Carlos will be getting a lot of sympathy from fans which means that now his item sales will soar. It sucks that he got hurt and the doctor says he'll have to do some physical thereapy, but in the end, it's all good for Carlos.

They go in and see Carlos, tell him that they're glad he's alright and they'll come get him from the hospital tomorrow because the doctor said he'll have to stay overnight.

James and the other boys are exhausted when they get home. They all go straight up to bed, but just as James pulls the covers up to his chin. His cell phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Is he okay?"

It's Hailey, and James can't help but notice how worried she sounds.

"Hailey? Yeah, Carlos is fine, concussion and a broken arm, but aside from that, he's fine."

"Good." She breathes a sigh of relief into the receiver. "I was worried."

"I'm sorry our non-date had to end like that." James apologizes.

"It's all good. It just means we'll have to do it again sometime." She reassures him.

"What time do you get off work tomorrow?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So, I feel like this chapter didn't come out the way I wanted it too. Like I said, the pain meds are fogging up my mind. I hope it isn't too terrible, I just feel like I had to write or I was going to lose my motivation for the story. But there is a motive behind Carlos's hospital trip, it's not just random.

I don't really know much about surfing so I didnt really go into it, sorry about that. I hope that if any surfers read this that they aren't offended by my lack of terminology.

I found a picture of what Hailey looks like! I'll put it on my profile.

So, please, leave a review. :]


	6. Break Your Heart

**A/N:** Still on pain meds, but you know I'll be using that as an excuse for what is written in this chapter. The chapter rating gives you a heads up, but as I said in chapter two, this isn't really my area of writing expertise. So, I hope it isn't too bad.

Chapter Rating: M

Enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Six – Break Your Heart<strong>

_Now listen to me baby, before I love and leave you, they call me heart breaker, I don't want to deceive you. If you fall for me, I'm not easy to please, I might tear you apart, told you from the start, baby from the start, I'm only gonna break your heart._

* * *

><p>Carlos has his head wrapped and his arm is in a cast and sling. Getting him out of the hospital became like protecting the president. Hospital security was everywhere keeping fans away from his wheel chair. James was the one who had to pick him up. Logan was making an appearance at some lecture and Kendall was off doing something important with or without Jo James didn't know.<p>

Katie was there as well, but she wasn't much help. She was just on the phone while James wheeled Carlos out of the hospital to his Audi that was pulled up around the front, security was also making sure that no one stole his eighty thousand dollar car.

The entrance to the hospital had become almost like a red carpet event. There were photographers and fans holding up signs telling Carlos to get well soon. It was sweet really.

One of the guards helped Carlos into the passenger's side and took the wheel chair away. Once he was seat belted up, James started the car and waved as they drove away.

"Well, that was fun." Carlos managed.

"You are such an idiot." Is all James could say.

"Thanks, I love you too man."

When they arrived back home, James let Mama K take over, he wanted to help out, but she refused him and told him to go enjoy his day.

He has nothing to do until five, when Hailey got off work. He's planning on picking her up and taking her out on another friendly outing. James wasn't sure where they were going to go, but seeing her again was pretty much that all James was looking forward to doing.

He settles for script reading. The last time Camille was over, she left the scripts that her director wanted him to look over. But James is restless and he isn't in the mood to just sit around and read a script today. So he leaves Carlos in the care of Mama K for the day and he heads off to Camille's set to talk to the director and talk about when these episodes can happen. James doesn't need Katie for things like this, he's a big boy and he isn't as stupid as he pretended to be at seventeen.

Everyone on set recognizes him, and a few of the new interns are star struck for a moment, they just stop and stare at him, but James never minds that.

Camille is talking to her director which happens to be just the man he's looking for. He comes up behind Camille and puts an arm around her shoulder. The director, Gibson gets wide eyes before smiling brightly at James.

"Diamond, what a surprise!"

"What's up Mr. Gibson, Camille here tells me you want me back on the show."

"Of course we do, ratings hit the roof last time you made an appearance." Gibson tells James with a grin. "Did Camille ever bring you the scripts?"

"Gave them to him last week." Camille answers for him.

"That's why I'm here; I want to know when we can start shooting. I go back on tour in a month though."

"Yes, yes, I'm aware," Gibson says, "I bought my niece tickets for your stop in New York."

James grins.

"Well, we're finishing up shooting an episode today. Next week, do you think you can come in and we'll start working on an episode, we can save it for next season if we have to, but is that alright with you?"

"That sounds great."

James follows Camille back to her dressing room and occupies himself with going through her characters wardrobe while she puts on her make-up to start shooting.

"How did you date go with that Hailey girl?"

"It wasn't a date." James said, "And it was nice until Carlos ended up in the hospital."

"Yeah, I wanted to go see him but Logan told me not to worry, Carlos was just being Carlos, not a big deal." She's brushing through her curls.

James shrugs, "He's got a concussion and a fractured arm, but when I brought him home this morning the hospital was like a red carpet event. Paparazzi and fans everywhere."

Camille smiles, "Carlos can work this in his favor."

"Katie is already on it. Shirts with Carlos's face and some type of get well soon slogans are already being marketed."

Camille laughs, "Katie is pretty amazing."

"Okay, but," Camille continues, "what do you mean your date wasn't a date?"

"Well, I didn't know what is was, cause I just asked her out. But then she told me it wasn't a date because although she would very much like to date me, she isn't naive, she knows I have a rep and she doesn't just want to be another one on the list basically. You know like that No Doubt song, 'I always kind of knew I'd end your ex-girlfriend, blah, blah, blah, something on the list'."

"It's amazing how you manage to completely butcher a song and still make it sound good. The song is called Ex-Girlfriend, by the way, Gwen Stefani is one of my idols." Camille says to him.

"What can I say? I've been blessed with the voice of an angel."

Camille laughs and says, "So she straight up told you, she wants to date you, she just doesn't want to be another casual fuck?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"This girl could be good for you James."

He shrugs. Everyone is implying that Hailey could be good for him because she's different from any other girl that he's ever taken an interest in. James doesn't know how that makes him feel. It's like because Hailey is different they're expecting her to change him. But people don't change, James knows this. Girls have tried to change him before; it's only ended in heart break on their part. Habits can change, people can't. His parents taught him that.

James likes Hailey, she makes him smile, laugh. He's comfortable around her, she's beautiful and she treats him like a normal person instead of a rock star, which is a good change of pace. Fame was always his dream and he wouldn't trade it for the world, but occasionally it can get overwhelming, Hailey felt like a good relief from that. Even his friends made comments on who he was.

"Do you want to stay for recording? I mean if you came all the way out here just to tell Gibson you're down for the role, then you must not have anything else to do."

"Sure."

James stays, but he doesn't watch much. He's too distracted by this tall, brunette intern that has legs that stretch for miles. Her black jeans are skin tight, her heels are so high it looks like it might hurt, her shirt shows her torso and her push-up bra makes her breast look two sizes bigger than they probably, actually are. To top it all off, she's wearing a cropped designer leather jacket, which means she's got style and James can always appreciate that. Her dark eyes keep glancing at him with this coy smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. When she winks at him, it's all the invitation James needs to make his way over to her.

"I'm James." He whispers in her ear through her silky soft hair. She smells intoxicating.

"Aubrey." She replies.

Five minutes later, they're in an empty dressing room.

Nothing about their encounter is gentle. Their lips are crashing down against each other, violent and full of passion. He's got her pinned up against the wall, her hands held above her head while James lips move down her jaw line to her neck and onto her collarbone.

She's whispering his name because they're still on set and cameras are rolling. Her hands break free of James hold and his hands are on either side of her head, watching as her hands fumble with the button and the zipper on his jeans.

"Fuck." He manages to say as her hands slip down into his jeans. His head is resting on her shoulder while her hands work magic over his manhood.

"Can't wait to get to that part." She says in a low husky voice, it's sexy and James decides he wants to be back in control of this situation, now it's her jeans that are being pushed down.

He can't help but notice how she watches with hungry eyes as he slips on a condom. He's picking her up then and her legs are wrapping around his waist. She's up against the wall, gasping hard as he slips inside.

Her fingers are tangled in his hair pulling harder with each thrust upwards. James has his hands firmly grasping her ass, using the wall to keep them steady. James is sucking on her neck to keep himself from making any sound, because she's good, and maybe it's just the circumstances but James finds this so much hotter than most of his recent hookups. She's trying so hard not to make any noise, she's whimpering and making these small little noises, and James knows this must be torture for her, but it just makes him want to hear her.

He can feel himself getting close, and from the way her breathing has hitched, the way it's ragged and uneven, the way she's clutching on to him for life itself, James knows she is too. But she still hasn't screamed his name, and even though James is aware that it could get her into trouble, he wants to hear it.

He's about to tell her to say his name, when suddenly she's panting, "James! James-"

And there it is, she's moaning his name louder than he would have anticipated, and he's wondering if maybe the crew could hear it.

He's riding out the blissful moment just as she is. And when he sets her down, she's still holding on to him.

"You can't expect me to just walk away after that. I need a moment." She says, and James is trying not to look smug.

"If it weren't so damn sexy I'd tell you to get rid of the look on your face."

"Are you going to be okay?" James asks, "I can talk Gibson into letting you go home."

"Or maybe you could take me."

"I'd love to," he says, "But I have plans."

"Ah, yes, music to make, movies to star in, other girls to fuck senseless. I get it."

James laughs quietly. "Yeah pretty much."

"Well then," she says, "you know where to find me if you're ever craving an on set hook up while you're filming."

He grins at her and says, "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

She's dressed now, but her legs still look wobbly. She's putting her leather jacket back on when she says, "I bet you don't even remember my name."

"Aubrey." He says without hesitation.

"I'm impressed. I've heard that you're a total jackass that usually can't even remember the names of the women he's with."

"I am a total jackass." He states, "But unless I'm drunk, I can usually remember names. It's the least I can do."

"Women should be paying you to experience that." She says slipping on one of her heels. She loses balance but James catches her.

He laughs and says, "I might lose business if I start charging."

She grins and readjusts herself before they head back out into everyone's presence. No one seems to have noticed they were gone, but Camille approaches him, she's not in the scene that they're currently filming.

"Really, you are disgusting." Is all she has to say to him.

He shrugs, "This is who I am, besides, she came on to me."

He stays on set and talks things over with Gibson's assistant because Gibson himself is still filming, until he gets a text that says:

**I'm off in five minutes.**

It's from Hailey and James is then saying his goodbyes around set and getting back into his Audi.

She's sitting outside on a bench, her hair is up, and like usual; she isn't wearing any make-up besides mascara. She's wearing a tight-fitting pencil skirt and her light blue button up shirt with the Chase symbol embroidered on the right, is tucked in. She's wearing low heels, and James is impressed with how professional she looks.

He doesn't get out of the car, but that's okay because as soon as she sees him, she's up on the bench and sliding into his passenger's side seat.

"You look very professional." He tells her in a very business-like voice.

"You look like you always do." She smiles.

"That's good, right?" he asks as he pulls out of the parking lot.

"Of course it is."

"So," James says, "What do you want to do on this fine May day."

"Well, it'd be nice if I could change out of my work clothes, into some play clothes."

"A la casa de Whitley, si senorita." James has perfected his Spanish since living in Los Angeles. It comes in handy.

James follows her up the stairs to her third floor apartment and that wonderful scent of her home is once again welcoming him in. She heads into the kitchen gets herself a glass of water and then offers to some to James.

After he has a colorful see-through plastic glass in his hand that's filled with ice cubes and cold water, she's off to her bedroom to change out of her work clothes.

James sits down on her white couch again and he's examining the picture of himself and Hailey on the coffee table. It's a good picture of them both. Next to it is the kaleidoscope, just like the night before. It strikes James as odd and he wonders what significance it has to her. Why is it important enough to keep out in the open where it is visible to everyone who enters her home? He's about to pick it up when Hailey emerges from her bedroom in a new outfit.

She's wearing beige shorts that aren't nearly as long as they should be. They aren't indecent, not by any means; they come down to just above mid-thing and hang loosely around her leg, looking rather comfortable.

It's just that other people will be seeing just as much of Hailey's leg and think the exact same thing that he's thinking. Can legs get any more perfect? Tan, toned, feminine, they're perfect. She should model her legs. Tall enough or not, those legs are beautiful.

It's just why James doesn't like the fact that they're going out, somewhere that has yet to be decided, and everyone else will be admiring her legs the way he is.

It doesn't sit well with him.

She's also wearing a pale pink, loose fitting tank-top, there's no design on it, just a small pocket over the right side of her chest. She throws her hands on her hips and says, "Let's go casual."

"That's your thing isn't it?" he says smiling. "Casual?"

"I think it suits me. Seeing as I make a considerably large amount of money less than you do. I don't exactly have diamond studded shoes in my closet and a Vera-Wang dress that I'm just dying to wear to my next red carpet event.

"I could always get you one." He grins.

"Of course you could." She rolls her eyes and flops down on the couch next to the one he's sitting on.

"So, what are we doing today on this second try at a non-date."

She lets out a short laugh and James likes the happy look she has on her face as she stares up at the ceiling. "What should we do?" she asks herself.

"What do you do with your normal friends on non-dates?"

"Well," she says sitting up, "most of my friends are female."

"You know all those surfers." James points out.

"That's different. They aren't people I just call up and say hey I'm bored let's do something. Oh! Wait, Elliot," she says, "Elliot is a male friend of mine that I enjoy hanging out with and we go on non-dates all the time."

The name Elliot is enough to put James off worrying. James pictures a tall, lanky kid with glasses and acne. Hailey is too nice to tell even a guy like that that she won't be friends with him. He's either a nerd or he's gay, James decides, because really who wouldn't try and get on real dates with Hailey? That's his own purpose. Hang out with her on non-dates until she wants to go on a real date.

"So what do you and Elliot do on your non-dates?"

"We go bowling a lot." She says matter o'factly.

"I haven't been bowling in years." James states trying to remember the last time he went bowling.

"Well, then." Hailey stands, "It's settled, we're going bowling."

James grins and stands as well.

"Wait," she says, "friends hug, so I think I want a hug from James Diamond before we go on our outing."

"Our non-date adventure?" he offers up with another grin.

He has his arms wide open for Hailey and she slips into them like perfection. She fits there pressed against his chest, just small enough for him to rest his chin on top of her head without a struggle. It's relaxing and James feels like the world has never felt so right as it does while she has her arms wrapped around him.

When they pull apart Hailey says, "You smell different."

He wonders what she means by that, it's not like they've spent any serious up close and personal time together. Could she really have memorized his trademark scent in such a short amount of time? If she has then this process of getting on a real date with Hailey might go faster than he thought before.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

She laughs slightly, "I mean, it's not like I know what you smell like all the time, but you always kind of have a hint of Cuda Man Spray, and you smell like a man, but you kind of smell like perfume."

James tries not to swallow hard. Aubrey had smelled like perfume. The vision of their encounter flashes in his mind, but he isn't turned on, he feels kind of guilty about hooking up with someone and then coming to meet Hailey.

But that's ridiculous. He and Hailey aren't dating, at least not yet. And even if they were, cheating for him was almost as trademark as smelling like Cuda and looking as fly as a person can look. But James pictures those heartbroken looks on Hailey's face and it gives him a feeling that isn't all that pleasant.

"I was on set with Camille today, some interns were asking for my autograph and pictures."

"Of course they were." Hailey winks at him.

She isn't stupid, she isn't naive, lying to her isn't something he should start doing. She'll see right through him.

"Fine." He says. "No interns were asking for autographs."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Mr. Diamond, we aren't dating. But lying isn't going to get you anywhere in my books."

"You want to know what I did?"

"James." Hailey says, "We aren't dating, so you don't have to explain-"

"Yeah, I know," James shrugs, "But eventually, I would like to date you. So the truth is, I hooked up with an intern on set in an empty dressing room while the cameras were rolling."

"Wow." She said, "Somehow that's exactly what I expected." She's laughing though, she isn't offended and James is relieved, but he's also confused.

"You're not mad, or upset? You're not going to lecture me on how my one-time-only deals are degrading to women, you're not going to player hate?"

She laughs, "Player hate? James, as I said before, we aren't dating, I have no right to be mad. As far as your usual rituals, you aren't the only guilty one. These women aren't innocent bystanders, then it'd be rape and as far as I know, everyone walks away from you completely satisfied."

James grins.

"But," she continues, "If ever we do date, I'm telling you now. I won't tolerate it. I can put up with a a lot of bull, but cheating is one thing I won't stand for."

"I'll keep that in mind."

They're in his car and Hailey is flipping through radio stations. Humming along to songs that she knows and making faces or unflattering sounds to songs that she doesn't like. It's childish, but James finds it irresistibly cute.

When they arrive at Hailey's bowling alley of choice, she pulls out her wallet. But James steps in front of her and takes charge.

As they go to pick out a ball and find their lane, Hailey says, "I don't want to get used to this."

"Why not?"

"Because, what if we do date, and our relationship doesn't last? Then I'll be so accustomed to having a rich boyfriend buying me everything that I'll have to resort to cuddling up next to old men, _so_ not what I want to end up doing."

James laughs. "Well, then don't get used to it, just enjoy it now."

They bowl, and Hailey is good, but James is rusty. Eventually though, he's working up his skill level and he's getting pretty good. Like he does with everything. He's multitalented; it may even be supernatural how amazing he is at almost everything.

They're sitting away from their lane at some high tables with a basket of chicken wings in front of them and napkins beginning to pile high. James can't remember the last time he felt so normal. It was something he used to hate, but now, here with Hailey, having fun, he doesn't mind.

They're laughing and Hailey is sipping some soda out of her cup when James smiles smugly at her. "You are going to fall for me."

"You said that yesterday with just as much confidence."

"I am very confident. I know you are. You will fall madly in love with me."

"And if I do," she says, "Will I just be another quick fling, or we have a meaningful relationship?"

"We will have six months of passionate romance." James says leaning forward. "Very passionate romance."

"We'll spend the days making love on the beach." She winks at him.

"I like that idea very much." He says truthfully, "And I'll sing you love songs."

"I'll be your muse."

"But I'll break your heart." He says, it comes out almost like a faraway regret. Like it's already happened or its set in stone. It makes him sad.

"I know you will." Her voice holds the same tone. Like this is already written in the future, like no matter what it has to happen. They're looking deep into each other's eyes and James doesn't want to break her heart. He doesn't want to see her face crying and know that he is the reason for all her distress the way he has been for so many other women.

Then she smiles at him, and it doesn't quite reach her eyes, but it lightens the suddenly serious mood, "But at least you warned me right?"

They're on a different round of food now, nachos and so Chicken Crispers. But James has just noticed that there's a tattoo on Hailey's left forearm and James wonders how he never noticed it before. It's black ink and cursive script, but James can't make out what it says.

So he asks.

"What does your tattoo say?"

Hailey looks down at her arm and holds it out in front of him. "First Corinthians, chapter thirteen, verses four through eight." She says.

"You're a Christian?" he asks. It isn't accusing, he's just curious.

She shrugs, "I'm not sure what I am most of the time. I mean, I believe there is a God and all that stuff, but I'm too caught up in the mundane most of the time to really give thought to much else. But this is the verse about love."

"What is it?"

"Love is patient and kind" She begins looking down at her arm. "Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

"That's powerful."

She nods, "I don't really know what to believe in a lot of the time, and I never really know what's real and what's not. But I figured with this on me as a visible reminder, when I fall in love this is what I'll look for in my relationship. If the man is patient and kind. If he's jealous or brags about things that I might want to keep private. If he can give up certain things for me, and doesn't always bring up the past. If he doesn't give up on me, even when I tell him to or I feel like giving up on myself. You know, he'll be there, he'll care. And no I'm not looking for perfection, it sounds like a lot to ask, but when you really think about it, I don't really think it is."

"I agree." James says, "That isn't too much to ask of someone, and if they can't deal with it, then you deserve better."

She smiles at James and even though James doesn't believe in love for himself, that's what love should hold for other people. Especially Hailey, she's special. But the thought of another man making her laugh and smile as much as he does doesn't sit well with him either.

When he drops her off at home, he gets out of the car and walks her back up to her apartment. She smiles at him, thanks him for a great night, tells him that they have to do it again sometime, and James tells her just to let him know when she's off work, he'll make time to pick her up.

He's dying to kiss her, but she closes the door and leaves him standing in the cool night air with longing.

Back at the house, it's quiet. Carlos is in his room, already asleep, put to bed and well-kept by Mama K. Logan is pending the night with Camille and James thinks that Kendall is at Jo's until he passes by Kendall's room and a blonde head pokes out.

"James, come here." Kendall pulls James into the room and James sits across from his best friend, confused.

"What's up Kendall?"

"I need your opinion on something. Cause you know women, and I got something for Jo, but I want to make sure she'll like it first."

"Kendal, come on, Jo like hates me, and you've been dating her for like the past seven years, I wouldn't know-"

James is cut off by the sight before him. Kendall has reached into his pocket and he pulled out a little black box.

"Is that-"

James can't even finish the sentence.

Kendall nods. He opens it and inside the little black box is just as James suspected a fat diamond ring.

"Will she like it?" Kendall asks.

"Kendall, that's a huge rock." James says, "She'll be the biggest bitch in the world if she doesn't."

They're both just staring at the ring. It's huge and James can see it in Kendall's eyes, this is what he wants. So he takes a risk and says, "Ken, you're not going to leave us, are you?"

Kendall looks up at James and gives his best friend a reassuring smile, "No way."

James stays with Kendall for about an hour, discussing how he's planning it, where he plans on doing it, what he plans on saying, James agrees to dress Kendall on the big night. he congratulates his friend and wishes him the best of luck, and reassures him that Jo will say yes.

When James finds his way back to his own room, he lies down in his bed. And he doesn't know why, after such big news, his mind wanders to Hailey and what she said about love. It's everything that Kendall and Jo have together.

He wonders what Hailey's wedding will be like. Will they still be friends by then? Will they have dated and separated on bad terms? Or will they have separated on amicable terms?

There's another option. About Hailey's wedding, but James doesn't even let himself entertain the idea.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So, this one is a bit longer than the others. Hope you don't mind. Also, I apologize if the sex scene was terrible. As is my usual excuse, I don't normally write stuff like this.

So anyways, Kendall is getting married, gasp! It is all a part of a deep, developing plot, with lots of foreshadowing.

Leave a review!


	7. Leave Out All the Rest

**A/N:** Okayyy, so this is kind of an angsty chapter. But you know, it kind of shows why James is the way he is.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven – Leave Out All the Rest<strong>

_I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared. But no one would listen 'cause no one else cared. After my dreaming I woke with this fear, what am I leaving when I'm done here?_

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><p>James is sitting alone in the kitchen. It's where he goes to be alone when he doesn't really want to be. The kitchen is neutral territory, everyone goes in there all the time, which means James will only be alone for minutes at a time, he'll be acting like he doesn't want anyone around him, but really everyone that walks through the room will be giving him comfort in some sort of way.<p>

There's a beer in his hand. It isn't his first, and it won't be his last either. He isn't trying to get drunk, but if it happens, it happens. So he's sitting there in the kitchen, slowly drinking himself away.

James doesn't get it. He doesn't know why he's so upset about Kendall asking Jo to marry him. Kendall promised James that he wouldn't leave the band, didn't he? So why is this such a big deal?

He's insecure.

It makes no sense because everyone loves James. Carlos practically worships the ground he walks on. Aside from Camille, he's Logan's most intellectual friend. He and Kendall are practically inseparable. But James feels like he's not enough. He feels like he's easily replaceable. If James were to disappear, he knows that everyone would be sad and mourn for him at least for a little while, but everything would return to normal eventually. The band would have to break up because he was gone, but they could all do something with their lives now and be just fine. His mother treated him like a distant relative instead of her own son, she'd probably twist the story of his death or disappearance into something that would make other mothers who had lost their children buy her products. She'd make them feel like they had something in common. Would she miss him? Probably not. She'd tried to bring him back to Minnesota that one time for mother's day, but that was before her cosmetics took off and she became a multimillionaire. Now he was lucky to get a call once a year on an occasion other than Christmas or his birthday.

His father, he could care less about. Whether or not James's removal from the world would affect him didn't even matter to James.

His friends would miss him, sure, of course they would. But friends are easily replaceable. They might make homage to his gravesite once or twice a year for a while, but eventually, he'd become a distant memory.

Who's life had he made an impact on that would be deeply devastated if he were no longer around? There was no woman who loved him enough to cry over him every day. There wasn't even a woman who loved him really.

James took full responsibility for this though. He was a product of his own actions.

It was just kind of a sad realization. He was going to be alone for the rest of his life.

Unless he changed.

But people don't change.

At least no one from the Diamond family ever changes.

His parents taught him that.

He was twelve when the divorce occurred. He was young and he didn't understand a lot of what was going on, but the words his parents spoke to him were words that stuck with him.

He remembers his father coming into his room one night and saying, "James, son, love isn't real. It's a fairytale, and fairytales aren't real. When you grow up, you stop believing in fairytales, so when you grow up, stop believing in love. No one in the Diamond family has ever found it and kept it, so really James, there's no point in any of the theatrics. Save yourself the trouble."

He'd walked in to the kitchen one night to find his mother crying. Something that he'd never seen before. She wiped her running make-up with a tissue and said, "James, don't ever fall in love, because the pain that comes with it just isn't worth it."

At twelve, James had never really loved anything aside from singing and playing hockey with his best friends. So whether he was born without the ability to love, or it was taken from him during his parents' divorce, he'd never really know.

But he did know that his parents were enough to make him never want to fall in love.

Kendall walks in then.

"Whoa, James, it's like seven." Kendall says taking in the four empty bottle on the counter, a fifth in his hand.

James just shrugs. He isn't a light weight drinker. He's barely feeling a buzz.

Kendall opens the refrigerator and sits across from James, the last beer in the six pack in his hands and he's popping off the cap.

"You only drink like this when you're depressed." Kendall points out after a sip. "What's wrong?"

James shrugs once more, "I don't really know."

"Did someone wear the same outfit you did and paparazzi caught it, put in the tabloids?" Kendall questions. But James snorts and rolls his eyes. Things like that don't matter to him, even if that is what happened, he would be the one who wore it better.

"Things not going well with that Hailey chick?"

James has everything he wants in life. He's famous. He's rich. He has friends.

But lately Hailey is the only thing that makes him feel right. They've been hanging out every day for the past two weeks. James is addicted to her. She smells like heaven, she's beautiful. He can hear the angels sing when she talks and laughs.

"Hailey is the only thing going well." He says before taking another swig from the half empty bottle.

"What do you mean? Things on set with Camille aren't going good?"

James began filming with Camille for the episodes he's supposed to be in early last week. "No, they are." James says, "I dunno. It's hard to explain."

"Is it because of me and Jo?"

James looks up. "Okay, yeah kind of."

"Why?"

James is looking down hard at the counter. His biggest fear is losing the band and his three best friends. But how is he supposed to tell Kendall that when he's so happy? James is Kendall's best friend. James should be happy for him. And he is in a way, but Jo is threatening his own happiness.

"Hard to explain."

"Well, unless you're secretly in love with me, then come on, I'm your best friend, I want to know."

"If I was secretly in love with you, you wouldn't want to know?" James is surprised.

"Unless you are, let's drop that topic and just focus on what's really bothering you."

James laughs, "But Kendall, that's what it is," he says dramatically, "I love your hideous eyebrows and dimples and God, all the plaid you wear turns me on."

Kendall's laughing and he says, "Shut up James, not everyone is born with a face like yours. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I really wonder why Jo is still with me. I mean she's beautiful."

"She is." James agrees. "But she loves you, you make her smile and all that other mushy stuff that I don't do, so I mean, if she's put up with it for so long, then I'm sure she won't say no when you finally pop that question."

James holds up his ring finger like he's flipping Kendall off. Kendall holds up his actual middle finger.

The two are chuckling, but Kendall isn't going to give up on prying until he gets what he wants out of James. "So, really, James, come on, why don't you want me to marry Jo?"

"It's not that I don't want you to." James says and gets up to grab the bottle of vodka because his bottle is now empty. "I want you to be happy, Kendall, as you've stated several times, I'm your best friend."

"Then what?"

James rolls his eyes, not really wanting to expose his insecurities to his best friend. But what choice does he have? If he doesn't Kendall will just keep trying and maybe even get some reinforcements.

"It just scares me." James admits.

"What do you mean?"

"Stop interrupting and I'll tell you, fucker."

"Okay, okay, douche bag."

James shakes his head and sets the bottle of alcohol down on the counter between himself and Kendall.

"You all made my dreams come true; I have everything I ever dreamed of. And it's great, I don't want anything else, but I'm afraid that if you marry Jo, the band will break up and we'll all go our separate ways, won't see each other for months or years at a time, and we'll fade out of each other's lives. You guys are my best friends, in all actuality; I don't know how to function without you guys anymore. We've spent almost every day together since we met. Like twenty years ago, Kendall."

"You sound like a chick."

"This is why I never told you before." James says flatly and grabs the bottle of vodka between them, he ignores his full glass and puts his lips to the flask and starts to chug.

Kendall grabs the bottle from him and it spills down his chin.

"Sorry, sorry." Kendall says. "I already told you though, James. I won't leave the band. Jo hasn't asked me to leave the band, and she won't. She knows that this is what I love. Just like I would never ask her to give up acting for me. We've made it work for seven years, nothing's changed. This is just my way of letting her know how much I love her. It's what people do when they love each other, they get married."

James rolls his eyes and Kendall takes a drink from the bottle like James did before him.

And for one night, it's just like old times. The two best friends staying up all night drinking and laughing themselves into oblivion.

But Kendall is a light weight drinker, and he passes out around midnight.

James on the other hand, though completely drunk, is restless. He doesn't want to sit at home and pass out. He doesn't know what he wants to do, but he knows he doesn't want to stay in the house.

He grabs his keys, but even in his drunken state of mind, he knows not to drive. So he trips through the house to the front doors, and out to the streets.

He manages to hail himself a cab, but he doesn't remember where he told the driver to take him. But the next thing he knows he's stumbling up the stairs to a very familiar apartment. He rings the doorbell, but after that he collapses on the ground, resting his head on the doormat. That his beautiful hair is being placed on an item that people who have stepped in dog shit put their feet doesn't matter to him. His eyes are closed and he's passed out in front of the door.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So, now we know why James doesn't do the whole love thing. He's talked with Kendall about his fears and I think you can all guess whose door step he's showed up on.

Till next time.

Review!


	8. What Do You Got?

**A/N:** James is in a big time rush in this chapter, lol. I had fun writing it, I hope you like it.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

**On My Way Down**

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Eight – What Do You Got?<strong>

_What do you got, if you ain't got love, whatever you got, it just ain't enough, you're walkin' the road, but you're goin' nowhere. You're tryin' to find your way home, but there's no one there. Who do you hold, in the dark of night. You wanna give up, but it's worth the fight. You have all the things, that you've been dreamin' of, if you ain't got someone you're afraid to lose, everybody needs just one, someone... to tell them the truth. Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I still believe, I believe in hope, I believe that change can get us off our knees._

* * *

><p>When James woke up, he wasn't too sure of where he was. The material beneath him wasn't his usual Egyptian cotton sheets. His bed was softer than this, and it didn't smell like Cuda products. James's bed did since he put them on after a shower no matter what he was doing.<p>

Something was off. He opens his eyes and realizes that one, he's not in his bedroom. Two, he has no idea whose bedroom he's in. The sheets are white instead of black. It's a queen size bed instead of a California king. He sat up and looked around. The room was small, and the light coming in from the window was making him squint, and his head was beginning to pound. The walls were white and there was a dresser in the corner, the top cluttered with things that his eyes couldn't focus on enough to make out. On the back of the door hung a full length mirror. He could see himself.

He was shirtless, his hair was ruffled and he looked like complete and utter shit. He lifted up the covers on the bed and found that he was wearing boxers, but that doesn't say much.

James is calm though. He's learned how to handle situations like these carefully. It isn't the first time he's woken up in someone else's bed. In fact, even though it happens less now, it used to happen quite often and the doctors were so used to him coming in for a check-up that he pretty much knew them all on a first name basis. James has been lucky though, he's never caught STD's and he's hoping that his record is still perfect because he doesn't know who he had sex with last night or even if he did.

James gets out of the bed and looks around for any of his clothes but none of them are on the floor or anywhere in the room. Shit.

When he opens the bedroom door. He freezes.

He knows this apartment.

White couches, lots of windows, pictures in frames and a kaleidoscope on the coffee table.

Shit. Fuck.

He's practically naked in Hailey's apartment?

He sees his clothes, they're hung neatly over the couch and his shoes are placed by the door. He gets dressed and goes into the kitchen. On the counter there is a napkin with two white pills and a glass of water.

James takes them, assuming that it's Advil or something like it. Hailey hasn't expressed any desire to kill James, so he trusts it. He chugs the water and places the cup into the sink, but that's when he sees the note.

It's addressed to him.

_James, _

_We should talk about last night. I have to work, you can stay at my place as long as you'd like. Help yourself to anything and everything._

_Hailey._

He gulps. Talk about last night? She could mean a lot of things by that. But James is kind of scared by what she means. Because he can't even remember how he got to her house. Let alone what he did once he was there. What if, he and Hailey did _it? _And he can't remember? That would be the most terrible thing that has ever happened to James, because damn it, he really wants to sleep with Hailey and remember what it's like. Not to say that's what they did, but he's nervous.

James slips back into his shoes and gets his jacket from the couch. He goes back into Hailey's bedroom, and makes her bed, trying to make it look nice before he's out the door, hailing a cab trying to get back home. Once he has a shower, he'll be able to think clearly and then he can go find Hailey.

"Dude, what the fuck!" It's the first thing he hears once he's back inside the house. It's Kendall of course.

"Hey Ken, did I happen to tell you anything about what I was going to do or where I was going last night?" James asks frantically.

"No," Kendall says, "but dude, we were worried, you and me got wasted last night, I passed out and you just disappeared. My mom has been freaking out."

James closes his eyes and groans. Before he can take a shower he has to find Mama K. James wants to be indignant and say that he's a grown man and he can do as he pleases when he pleases, but the fact that Mama Knight is worried about him kind of makes him feel guilty.

"Yeah, okay, I'm going to go find her, tell her I'm fine, can you maybe get me some cereal? I'll be back down in like ten minutes." James leaves Kendall in the hallway and is running up the stairs in a panic.

"James!" she exclaims when she sees him. She hugs him tight and holds his face, examining to make sure he's okay and intact.

"Hey, Mama K, sorry, I know you're worried but I went to a friend's house last night, she took care of me, I'm A-okay." He's in a rush to shower, eat and find Hailey because his stomach has begun to growl.

"James," she says in a tired voice, "you can't keep doing this."

"I know, I know I'm sorry. But can I have this lecture later? I have to make sure that a friend of mine is okay."

Mama K nods and lets him go. James practically runs to his shower and beats his record time of fifteen minutes, he's out in five. His hair is still dripping and it isn't even combed when he returns downstairs. His clothes are just thrown on, and they might as well be on backwards for all he knows.

In the kitchen, Kendall, being the good friend he was, actually got James some breakfast.

"Dude, why are you in such a panic?" Kendall asks as James shovels food into his mouth.

"I went to Hailey's last night." James says with a mouthful, milk spills out and down his chin.

"No shit? Did you finally do what you do best?"

"You mean sing? I don't know maybe."

Kendall laughs.

"Kendall, I can't fucking remember if we shagged or not. So I kind of have to find her and ask. Because if we did, I will be so pissed that I was drunk when it happened. I want to get it on with her so bad, but I want to be able to fucking remember it."

"Well, do you think she would?"

James shrugs, "I don't know." He shoves another spoonful of cereal into his mouth and says, "I woke up in her bed, but I still had my boxers on. Which doesn't say much. But she wants to date me, she's fucking told me that, but we're still in that stage where she's calling out dates 'non-dates' and 'hang-out sessions'."

"You're actually putting up with that?"

James sets his spoon down calmly and takes a deep breath with closed eyes. "Yes Kendall," he says when he opens them, "I like her, I want to date her. In order to do that, I need to pursue her. It's what I'm in the process of doing, as far as I remember you pursued Jo, didn't you?"

He doesn't really hear Kendall's response because he practically throws his bowl into the sink and runs to the car garage. He's praying that there's no police around because he sure as hell isn't driving thirty-five miles per hour.

James stops and gets flowers. He doesn't know if they slept together or not, but it seems like if they did it would be the right thing to do. He's trying to calm himself, but his heart is pounding and he's wondering that if something did happen between them and he can't remember will he have just ruined their friendship? Any chance that he ever has of actually _being_ with her?

That would suck so badly.

James parks his car, gets out and starts taking deep breaths. He almost forgets the flowers. He turns back, grabs them and then he's walking inside Chase with as much charisma and confidence as he can muster. He's got is Wayfarers on and a smirk planted on his face. It's all to hide the fact that he's feeling like a mixture of ass-hole and fear.

His eyes scan for Hailey, and sure enough he finds her. He's ignoring all the looks from everyone in the bank. It's a weekday, and it's the middle of a business day, not many people are in here. There's one man with another teller and a couple sitting in one of those booths with another Chase associate. Hailey hasn't noticed him yet. She's looking at her computer screen. Her eyebrows are knit together and she's squinting. She almost looks worried. But James needs to focus on what he's going to say.

He leans on her portion of the counter and holds up the flowers. When she looks up he takes his sunglasses off and she's got this skeptical look on her face. But she says, "James, I'm working. My lunch isn't for another hour."

"Well, I happen to be a customer."

"What can I do for you then Mr. Diamond?" she asks in a sugary sweet voice and has this bright smile plastered on her face.

"Can you check my account balance?"

"You can do that from your phone, James." She says flatly.

"Yeah, but I'm here, now."

She rolls her eyes and turns to the computer but James says, "These are for you, by the way. You know, I'm holding them up for you to take them."

"You got me flowers?" Hailey is skeptical again. It's like her trademark when it comes to things concerning James. Like sometimes the things he does are hard for her to believe.

"Hailey," he says, "about last night…"

Then Hailey is laughing. Now it's his turn to look at her with skepticism and confusion. He waits for her to finish and quirks an eyebrow. Why was she laughing?

"James" she says breathlessly, "did you think we slept together?"

His face falls flat. She's laughing again.

"Well, I woke up in your bed only wearing my boxers. I was confused."

"You don't remember anything about last night?" she asks with a faint smile on her lips.

"Well, I mean I remember up until Kendall and I emptied the bottle of vodka. Then it's hazy, or well, I mean, then it's like a black out."

She grins at him, "Let me see if I can go on lunch early."

He watches her walk away and go behind closed doors, and he doesn't know whether or not to feel relieved or if he should still be worrying. Her response to his flowers and the thought of them sleeping together made him lean towards thinking they didn't sleep together. Which is fine with him, he'd like to remember it when that happens.

She comes back out after a few moments and motions for him to follow her. She takes him outside and she says, "Thanks for the flowers."

He hands them to her and she smiles, "It's a pretty sweet gesture."

He shrugs but he's still feeling like he should be worried about something. She points to his car, "I'm on lunch, and I'm hungry, so let's go."

She's wearing black slacks today instead of a skirt, her hair is down and curled instead of up in a tight bun, but she's still got her Chase button up tucked in. She looks cute, like one of the girls they would use in a commercial. James wonders if she's ever been offered to be in one.

She slides into the passenger's seat and James starts up his engine. As they're pulling out of the parking lot he says, "So, I'm guessing that we didn't have sex last night."

She lets out a short loud laugh and says, "No, are you disappointed?"

"No, actually," he replies changing lanes. "I'd want to remember that."

He catches a glimpse of the blush that fills her cheeks when he says that. He mentally grins. "So, what did happen last night?"

"Well," she says rolling her window down slightly, allowing the warm wind to fly through her styled hair. It's another thing that's different about Hailey. All the other girls he's ever been with would scream if the hair they spent hours on was to get messed up. Hailey doesn't mind in the slightest.

"It was close to three when my doorbell rang. And you were passed out on my doorstep."

James gulps. So not good.

"You kept mumbling something about a wedding and Kendall leaving the band, and then you said that love is a fairytale." She finished looking at him. It was a red light so he let himself glance over at her. Her big blue eyes look worried and he doesn't really know what to say.

"How did I end up in your bed?" he asks.

She laughs again, "I tucked you in on the couch, you know, took your jacket off, and put your shoes by the door, covered you with a blanket, all that stuff, but you didn't stay there. Not five minutes before I crawled back into my bed, you were climbing in next to me."

"Oh."

"You had stripped of course. I had to _make_ you put your boxers back on."

Shit.

"I am so sorry."

She shrugged, "It was pretty innocent, you just seemed like you needed someone to give you some love. Almost like a puppy, you know. You put your arm around me, snuggled in and fell asleep fast than I did."

James didn't need love. Maybe someone to care about him, but he didn't need love. How could he need something that he didn't believe in?

"Hailey, I really am sorry. I was really drunk, and there's just some stuff that's bothering me and I am so sorry."

"James, it's okay." She smiles at him reassuringly. "Sometimes we get lost you know? Showing up drunk on our friend's doorsteps when we're upset is just kind of part of life."

"You've done it before?"

"No." she says firmly, "But it's not like you did something unforgivable. You were bothered; you needed someone to comfort you. I'm your friend; I like you, so taking you in wasn't that big of a deal."

She looks out the window and James looks at her. She is beautiful with the sun in her hair and a content smile on her face. Her blue eyes closed and the wind blowing through her hair. She is everything that James has ever needed. Caring and consistent, kind but stern, loving and wise.

James wants to be with her so bad.

They end up at McDonalds because Hailey is just hungry and practically makes him crash when she sees the fast food joint. James just ate cereal, but he could go for a burger, even if it meant some extra time in the gym.

Hailey orders a grilled premium chicken classic, a fruit smoothie, and fries. James sticks with a Big Mac even though he's pretty sure it's one of the worst things he could have ordered. Hailey fights him on paying, but eventually James prevails and he's pulling the cash out of his wallet. They don't eat in the restaurant or in his car. They wander off to a nearby park and find a bench. But Hailey warns him she only has an hour for lunch.

"So," she starts up with a frie in her mouth. "Is Kendall leaving the band?"

James shakes his head. "No. He is the one getting married though."

Her eyes widen as she looks at him taking a sip of her smoothie and James fights his laugh because his mouth is full.

"He hasn't asked though, so you know, you can't run off and tell a tabloid." James informs.

Hailey punches his arm, "Like I would."

He chuckles lightly and smiles as Hailey proceeds to tuck her hair behind her ear and continue to eat. She's so pretty; sometimes James can't even comprehend it. And he can comprehend a lot of pretty. He has to look in the mirror every day.

"Okay," she goes on, "That answers two of my questions, my last one is about love."

"I'm not the person to ask about that." He tells her truthfully looking down at the grass beneath his feet. This is nice, James is thinking. Hailey is satisfied and happy with so little, he doesn't need to buy her a five hundred dollar pair of shoes for her to want to be around him and smile. He doesn't need to be seducing her to feel like he's wanted.

"I wasn't going to ask you some philosophical question, calm down. I'm just curious. You said that love was a fairytale, that it doesn't really exist, and it's useless to believe in it."

James doesn't respond. It sounds just like his subconscious that he never let's see the light of day. Apparently it weasels its way out when he's drunk.

"Is that really how you feel?"

James shrugs and says, "Yeah."

"That's sad, James." She speaks it softly, like her words could hurt him physically if she said them in the wrong tone.

"Hailey," he says, "you grew up with parents who spent their time with you, and loved you and taught you the ways of the world, with parents that are still happily married. I didn't have that. My parents never spent time with me because they were always fighting each other; my father has never once said he was proud of me, not even when Big Time Rush became an international hit. My mother hardly ever shows any emotion. As a kid, I can only remember seeing one look on her face other than that steely exterior she's always sporting, it was heartbreak. You're parents are still happily married and in love. My parents are divorced. I never saw any love growing up. I saw what it looks like after it's died, I saw the devastation it left in it's wake. You can't have love without pain, and to me it just isn't worth it."

He's never said that to anyone, and he kind of feels liberated having it all out there, but at the same time, he doesn't want to talk about this. It makes him think of all the shit he had to hear as a kid. Stuff that he has tried to block out of his memory for years.

"James," Hailey speaks his name again, "love is real. It does exist. It's like the wind you know? You can't see it, but you can feel it. We need it to survive. I mean, you can have the whole world in the palm of your hand, but what good is it if there isn't anyone to share it with? Romantically or not, there's always someone we're afraid to lose. I mean, maybe for you its Kendall's mom, she's battling cancer isn't she? She's basically your mom, aren't you afraid to lose her?"

James doesn't respond, but then again, he doesn't have to. Hailey knows how much Mama K means to him.

"I can't tell you about other kinds of love, the kind that makes you want to get married and settle down, because I've never felt it. But I look forward to the day, I do."

She places her hand on top of his, and rests her head on his shoulder. James is stiff; he doesn't know what to do, or how to respond, so he just lets her lean on him. She laces her fingers through his and she says, "You can't have love without pain, because we're human and we make mistakes, we mess up, we hurt each other. But I believe that when you find that _one_, the one that makes your world stop spinning and your heart stop beating, the one that you can see your future in the eyes of, that all the pain you've been through will have been worth it. Because all the love you have will outweigh all of the pain."

They stay there for a few minutes. Her head resting on his shoulder, fingers laced together, knees touching. James doesn't know what to feel. There's this part of him that wants to take Hailey's words into his heart and heed her advice, but there's a bigger part that's more dominant that's telling him everything she's said is just a dream. Maybe for her it will come true, but for him, it won't.

"I have to get back to work." She says eventually.

James is sorry the moment is gone. Even though a relationship with Hailey won't go anywhere in the long run, it doesn't mean that for now he can't enjoy having her near him for now.

He brings her back to work and she barely makes it in time. He doesn't want to leave her there. He wants to spend the rest of the day with her and hear about everything else that she believes in, all of her viewpoints that may contradict his. He wants to know about her, he wants to know her the way nobody else has before.

He does let her go back to work, but it's only a few hours before he can see her again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So, here we have Hailey who doesn't act like a hopeless romantic, but is. And we have James, who doesn't think love is real. Things are getting deep! What will happen between the two?

You have to keep reading to find out!

Hope you liked it, soon, very soon things will commence between the two. Hopefully you have the patience to stick with me through it.

Reviews!


	9. Hey There Delilah

**A/N:** Hopefully you're still here reading. If you are, this should be a pretty cute chapter. Nothing too romantic yet though. Sorry!

To answer a review, from **xxxkia**, it'll will all come together, I promise. I haven't forgotten about anything you mentioned in your review, trust me. ;] thanks for the love!

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine – Hey There Delilah<strong>

_Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away, but girl tonight you look so pretty, yes you do. Time square can't shine as bright as you. I swear it's true._

* * *

><p>James is working out with Logan in their home gym. Carlos is with them, but he's crippled so he's just watching. Bouncing a ball with his only good arm. Carlos has had nothing good or fun to do since his accident. He keeps saying that he's learned his lesson about being reckless because not being able to do anything is <em>so boring<em>.

No one believes him. They all know better.

"So how are things going with this Hailey girl?" Carlos asks staring up at the ceiling. "You hardly ever brag about your conquests anymore."

Being friends with Hailey hasn't kept him from being him usual self. He and that intern Aubrey shack it up quite often while he's on set with Camille. Not to mention he still goes out with the boys to A-lister parties and the girls at premiers are only too willing to take him home.

So yeah, he's still James.

He hasn't talked about them as much though, because they aren't the only thing that occupies his mind. The coming tour, which has been pushed back two weeks because of Carlos's injury and need for physical therapy, is on his mind quite often. He thinks about music as well, he still has to write that love song for Gustavo. He'll procrastinate until he has no choice but to force something out though. The episodes in which he'll be featured on Camille's show are lurking in the corners of his brain. Acting comes almost as easy as singing does to him though. He's got a good memory and instinct, there's hardly ever a need for a double take that is his fault while filming.

But mostly, Hailey dominates his mind. He thinks about her all the time to a point where he's worried if it's becoming unhealthy or he's forming an obsession. He thinks about her smile and about how straight her teeth are, not to mention her perfectly pouty, strawberry pink lips. He thinks about how bright and mischievous her blue eyes are, how long her eyelashes look, and how her eyes squint when she smiles and close when she laughs. He thinks about the sound of her voice and how magical her laughter is. He thinks about her flawless skin, and how the freckles across her cheeks and nose are like icing on the cake, perfecting her beauty. The curves of her body and the thought of what it would be like to be able to touch her anywhere and everywhere, frequently take up his mental capacity. The conversations they have stick with him and her words ring through his head because for twenty-two she's a lot wiser than most people are. She's so innocent, but at the same time she isn't naïve. She can see only the good in people and she loves everyone, but she's sarcastic and skeptical as well, especially concerning James. It intrigues him how she isn't frightened or nervous, or intimidated by him and his fame.

James looks forward to five every day when he can pick her up from work or meet her at her apartment for some down time.

James hasn't really felt this way before, and it's odd, but it's a good feeling.

"I'm still conquering," James says, "have no fear, Carlitos."

"Yeah," Logan says and stops lifting for a moment, "Camille told me how you and that intern are always sneaking off during a break."

James grins.

"You're cheating on Hailey?" Carlos asks. His face is stunned and he looks betrayed like someone told him James was cheating on him.

James rolls his eyes, "Hailey and I aren't dating." He thinks about that statement for a moment and then adds, "at least not yet. So it isn't cheating."

"But isn't it the same thing, James? I mean, if you want to date this girl, why are you still going after other women?" Carlos says solemnly, like he's just so disappointed in James's behavior.

"I have to keep my options open." He knows that it makes him sound like a total asshole. But he kind of is.

"I think that's the most douchebag-y thing I've ever heard you say." Carlos says seriously.

James shrugs it off. But Carlos is kind of right. James is still going after other women because it's just what he does. He's not doing it to hurt Hailey, or to keep his options open either. James wants to be with Hailey, screw options. When he and Hailey end up not working out, women will be falling at his feet all over again. While he's with Hailey he won't cheat on her though, she's already told him it's something she won't stand for. And James can't even think about hurting Hailey.

Logan laughs, "Carlos, you've known James your whole life and you still aren't used to this?"

"I just don't think it's right." Carlos defends.

"Look, Carlos," James cuts in because he can tell Logan is about to say something that might as well make Carlos cry. "I like this girl Hailey. But we aren't dating, so there's nothing wrong with me still playing the field. The moment Hailey and I begin to date, I will give up my player ways. She means a lot to me, and I don't want to see her hurt. Okay? And besides, she's basically given me permission to continue doing what I do."

James recalls her telling him something along the lines of "the women aren't innocent bystanders". And then proceeded to tell him that she hears that he give satisfaction, and they aren't dating so he doesn't have to answer to her. Something like that anyways.

"Dude, she gave you permission?" Logan asks, "You aren't even dating yet."

James shrugs, "It came up, because we have agreed that we will be a couple at a later date, and she said that as long as we aren't a couple not to let her stop me."

"Dude." Is all Logan says.

"So things are going good with her?" Carlos gets back to his original question.

"Yeah, things are going great. Every day after filming I've been hanging out with her. We just talk and laugh, do what friends do until she decides it's time to date."

Logan is shaking his head, but James doesn't know why.

"Wait, she's going to decide when you want to date?" Carlos asks.

James shrugs, "It'll be a mutual thing you know, I'll be able to tell when she wants to be something more. I have an eye for that."

"I can't believe you're actually putting up with that. Normally you're all about the physical and get up and go when it comes to anything else." Carlos is bouncing his ball again.

"I like her." James defends. "I like spending time with her; she makes me feel like a normal human being. She makes me laugh and doesn't constantly make reference to who I am."

"Dude." Logan says again. "You are so whipped and you aren't even dating yet."

"I'm not whipped." James scowls.

"When she calls you drop everything you're doing to talk to her. When she wants to hang out, you can't get out the door fast enough. You spend all the time you can with her. I bet if she called you while you were having sex, you'd stop and take the call."

James just glares at Logan. He doesn't say anything though, because thinking about it, James isn't too sure about that last one. Would he finish up and call her back, or would he seriously stop doing the do just to talk to her? He isn't quite sure.

"There's nothing wrong with being whipped." Carlos tells James in a paternal voice.

"I'm not saying there is," Logan goes on. "Hell, I won't deny that I am. Kendall sure as hell is too. Carlos has been whipped with just about every girlfriend he's ever had. It just hasn't ever happened to James. It's strange."

"I'm not whipped." James growls. "We aren't even dating. And when we do, I highly doubt it will turn into anything more than a few fun months. We aren't going to last seven years like Kendall and Jo, and we aren't going to be the world's most confusing couple like you and Camille."

"James." Logan says, "You have philophobia."

"You say it like I know what the _fuck_ that means."

"Yeah dude," Carlos says backing James up, "you're the only one who bothered with college."

Logan rolls his eyes. "Philophobia is the fear of emotional attachment. It's the fear of being in or falling in love."

"Pretty much." James says standing up. He doesn't say that he doesn't believe in it, because Carlos will go into a raging fit and try to make him believe in it. If Hailey can't, Carlos sure as hell won't.

"I have to go take a shower; I'm meeting Hailey in an hour."

As he exits the gym and makes his way up the stairs, Kendall stops him. He looks nervous.

"Tonight is the night."

James gives him a confused look.

"I'm proposing tonight." He says.

James's eyes widen. "No shit? Tonight?"

"Yeah, I made reservations at this place and it's all going down tonight. Everything is planned out, well actually nothing is planned out, I think I'm just going to get down on one knee, but still. It's tonight."

"Dude, you're freaking out."

"Don't you think I know that!"

James smiles at his best friend. "Calm down. You love Jo, she loves you. She _will_ say yes. Don't even trip."

Kendall nods, "I need you to you know get my outfit and whatever ready like you said you would."

"Yeah bud, no problem."

He follows Kendall upstairs and into his room. Kendall's closet is just as big as James's is, but it's not nearly as extravagant. James's closet is filled with stylish clothes, all the latest in men's fashion, almost everything is designer, except for when he's feeling casual, but even then, everything is brand name. James likes to look good and now that he pretty much has millions in the bank, price tags don't stop him.

Kendall's closet on the other hand, is full of flannel. James hates it. He wouldn't mind it so much if it was just a once in a while thing, or if Kendall was like a hardcore skater because that was their signature thing, but he isn't and Kendall wears it almost every single day. It's ridiculous.

"What is Jo's favorite color on you?" James asks looking through the only stylish part of Kendall's closet, his suits. When it comes to dressing up Kendall understands that it's important to look good, so he never cut costs when it came to suits and dress shoes, ties and such.

"She likes green, says it brings out my eyes."

"She's right, it does. Okay." James is holding up two different suits in his hands. One is Armani and the other is Ermenegildo Zegna. The first is black and the second is dark gray.

"Kendall, get that green tie you have, the light one, I think it's silk." James orders. He remembers that Jo bought it for him before she could afford to get him really extravagant things like she does now.

"Jo bought me this." Kendall states.

"Yeah, I know, that's why you're going to wear it tonight."

"Good thinking."

James rolls his eyes. "Hold the tie up to the suits, let's see which one it looks better with."

Kendall does as he's told, James is squinting and wrinkling his nose trying to decide which one it looks better with, because neither suit would look bad with it.

"The Ermenegildo Zegna one. Wear that one. And just wear your white dress shirt. And comb your hair, she likes it like that doesn't she?"

Kendall nods.

"And wear the black shoes that you wore to Camille's last premiere."

"Okay, thanks James, really."

"Come on Ken, chill. Jo hates me and she's put up with me for the last seven years because she loves you, that's devotion."

Kendall manages to laugh, and James is on his way to the shower. After their little drunk heart to heart James isn't worried about the whole Kendall getting married thing anymore. Kendall won't leave them.

He's singing in the shower. With You by Chris Brown has been stuck in his head for the past couple days. It's Hailey's fault. She was singing softly, and then she made James sing it because she didn't want to sing louder, and from then on he's just been belting it out when he's alone.

He styles his hair, combs it with his lucky comb, and brushes his teeth for the third time since he woke up. He puts on his man lotion because there's nothing wrong with wanting soft skin. Then he's off to the closet with a towel wrapped around his slender waist.

He doesn't know what adventures he and Hailey will be on today, so he pulls out his most worn down pair of jeans. Which really aren't that worn down at all. And he picks out a short sleeved gray button up. As for shoes, he keeps it simple with his Chuck Taylors. Hailey doesn't do extravagant things all that often, so casual is pretty much how he's been dressing for the days lately. That's not to say that once he leaves Hailey and goes out with the boys that he doesn't dress it up. Of course he does. He wouldn't be James Diamond if he showed up at parties wearing an old pair of jeans and Vans t-shirt.

James grabs his acoustic guitar before heading downstairs. All the boys are in the kitchen, which is pretty much their primary hangout spot because with four guys, one of them is always hungry.

"What's with the guitar?" Kendall asks. He seems to have calmed down a bit. But his dinner is at eight and it's already five.

James shrugs, "Maybe I'll serenade Hailey."

Carlos grins, "try romance, don't be sexual."

James glares at Carlos. But they're all laughing. If only they knew how different Hailey was to him than other women. Maybe he was whipped. But as long as Hailey was the girl, he didn't mind.

"Fuck you guys." James says flatly. "Anyways, Kendall good luck. Make sure you shower and all that stuff, it might help."

Kendall rolls his eyes. But says okay.

James slips out when the topic changes to Kendall and the events of tonight. He's off to Hailey's apartment of course.

She lets him in and James sees that she isn't dressed to go out. And that's fine with him. If she doesn't want to, James is content with just hanging out in her apartment, signing to her and maybe watching movies.

"What's the guitar for?" She asks closing the door behind him.

"Entertainment of course." He replies.

Hailey is wearing a white tank-top and a pair of boxers. He gives her a look and says, "Is there someone you haven't told me about?"

She rolls her eyes and sits on her couch. "Nope, it's just too hot for pants. These are Elliot's. I did his laundry for a while when his machine broke, and I forgot to give these back. I kept them because they come in handy."

Hailey doesn't mention Elliot often, but when she does, James pictures him as a scrawny dorky kid with glasses.

Hailey is right though, it's the middle of May in Los Angeles which means that it's already starting to get hot. Hotter than it should be anywhere else.

"Why don't you turn on the AC?" he asks noticing that there are a couple of fans on around her apartment.

"If you want to pay my electric bill next month, I'm down to turn on the AC." She says.

James smiles. "I could."

"Shut up." She says shaking her head laughing.

But James notices that something is off. Hailey was laughing, but it doesn't leave her face looking pleased the way it normally does. She looks frustrated or irritated.

"What's wrong?" he asks setting his guitar down gently and sitting on the other couch.

"Nothing." She says.

"You're a terrible liar, Hailey, we already establish that." James says flatly.

She groans. "I just found out that I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled."

James makes a face. He remembers when he had his pulled. No one but Mama K saw him for a week. "That's terrible."

"And that's not it," she says, "I have to miss a few days of work because of the medication I'll be on. And apparently the pain is too excruciating to not take it."

"Yeah, it's pretty bad. I was in bed for a week." James tells her.

"I've been working hard for time off." She says quietly, "now I have to waste it on this." The last part comes out frustrated.

James feels bad and he wants to say something to help, but really what can he? He doesn't have any experience in the work force. He doesn't know about how to earn time off and sick days or anything like that. James has never had a _real_ job.

"I'm sorry." He says.

She just groans.

James grabs his guitar and begins to sing Andy Grammer's Keep Your Head Up.

He's smiling at Hailey as he sings it. She looks over at him like she wants him to stop, but there's a smile tugging at her lips and amusement in her eyes. James wants to make her feel better, so he'll sing to her all night if he has to.

She starts laughing quietly when he switches to Bob Marley and is singing "cause every little thing, is gonna be alright."

She leans towards him and smiles before she says, "Thank you James."

"I just want you to be happy." He says looking into her blue eyes.

"You make me happy, James."

There's this moment, and the two are staring into each other's eyes and James this urge that's coming from the depth of his being and it's telling him to lean in, close that short distance and kiss her. Because it's what he's been dying to do.

But the moment passes and he doesn't kiss her.

"What other songs do you know?" she asks.

"You know, people normally have to pay to see me sing."

She grins, "I have ice cold water and juice. Oh, and I have some Oreo's."

James lets his head fall and he's chuckling while Hailey grins.

He ends up playing Boyfriend for her and when he's done, she's smiling and he says, "Would it be cheesy for me to dedicate one of my own songs to you? Cause I feel like Boyfriend suits our situation pretty well."

Hailey laughs out loud and says, "Though you are right, James, it does suit us pretty well right now. Yes it would be totally cheesy for you to dedicate one of your own songs to me."

James decides that bringing his guitar was a good idea. Hailey loves to hear him sing, and every once in a while he catches her singing with him. It's never very loud, but it's there. They spend a long time on Hailey's couch playing guitar.

Eventually though hunger calls and James orders a pizza because it's been a while since Hailey went grocery shopping.

When the delivery comes, Hailey tries to pay for it, but James won't let her. She opens the door and she has the cash in her hands, but James picks her up and throws her over his shoulder. The delivery guy is trying not to laugh, but it's obvious he wants to because Hailey is wiggling and trying her best to get down, but James is muscular and strong, his grip is like iron.

Once half the pizza is gone, and they've had dessert, Oreo's and milk, they're back on the couch and Hailey is sitting cross-legged facing James. He's got one foot tucked underneath him and his other leg is relaxed, hanging off the edge of the couch. But he's tall so his foot is touching the floor.

"What's your favorite love song?" She asks after he's played John Mayer's Your Body Is a Wonderland.

"I don't-"

She cuts him off, "Whether or not you believe in love is irrelevant. They're on the radio every day; you have to have a favorite one."

James thinks for a minute, when he's put on the spot like this he can never think of the right answer to the question at hand. He shrugs, "Maybe She will be loved by Maroon 5 or Dreaming with a Broken Heart by John Mayer. Jack Johnson has some pretty cute songs, but none of them are really love songs."

Hailey smiles but doesn't say anything.

"What about you?"

"I think mine would have to be Hey There Delilah."

"What! Are you serious?" James asks jokingly.

"Hey! It's a really cute, romantic song."

James picks his guitar back up and begins to play the beginning.

"Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City, I'm, no, no that's not right." James says and he readjusts himself, Hailey gives him a confused look because those are the right lyrics.

"Hey there Hailey, what's it like in California, I'm a thousand miles away but girl, tonight you look so pretty, yes you do. LA can't shine as bright as you, I swear it's true."

There's this look in Hailey's eyes and a smile blesses her lips, while a light blush fills her cheeks. She is so beautiful.

"Sing it for me, please?" She asks.

"Only if you sing along."

She nods and James is surprised, he expected her to fight him on this. But when he starts, she sings with him. Her voice isn't perfect, it isn't strong and powerful, but it's soothing and delicate. She isn't belting it out like Katy Perry can, and there isn't this raging passion in her voice, but it's pretty and James likes the sound of it. It soft and warm, like a voice that sings lullabies.

When the song is over, they continue to laugh and talk and create improve lyrics for different songs. But James feels something different when he looks at Hailey. He doesn't know what it is, but it's slowly consuming him, every she laughs, every time she smiles.

"Are you surfing this weekend?" James asks.

"Nope," she says shaking her head.

"What are you doing then?"

"Shane is having a barbeque."

"Ah." James says remember the threat that Hailey's older brother gave him.

"You can come." She says, "If you want. It's just going to be a bunch of his friends, a few of mine."

"I wouldn't want to crash the party." He says.

"You wouldn't be." Hailey assures him, "I invited you."

"Yeah, but-"

"You won't be the only celebrity." She tells him then. "I mean, you might be the only A-list celebrity, but Shane caters for a lot of people and he just knows a lot of people, so I mean, there might be some D listers, maybe a C lister, but you know, it's not like we hang out with freaks that won't leave you alone all night."

James laughs. "I'll go if you want me to."

"Then you're going." She says with a smile.

"Okay then."

"It'll be great, Shane has the best kickbacks. And since you know it's his profession, the food is always really good." She informs.

"I'm excited then." James smiles.

"You'll get to meet Elliot, I've told him a lot about you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I added the wisdom teeth part, because I just had mine out and the whole time I was lying in bed doing nothing, I was thinking about how I could make it into something cute for the story. But the next chapter will be the barbeque, and you'll get to meet Elliot. Will he be as James imagines or will he be something for James to worry about?

I have a picture of him and I'll put it on my profile after the next chapter is up.

Hope you liked this one. Kind of sappy and all, but I liked it.

Reviews please!


	10. If I Only Had The Heart

**A/N:** Some of you, may or may not have actually made the effort to go to my profile and see who I modeled Hailey after, if you haven't there are a few links to pictures of her. I know that a. her eyes are green, and b. she's like 5'8, but she is like incredibly beautiful and she's my favorite female model. Let me know if you think she's as amazingly pretty as I do or if you pictured Hailey differently.

Anyways, now you get to meet Elliot!

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Ten – If I Only Had the Heart<strong>

_I know I sound repetitive, cause I'm repeating myself, and I'm competitive, I want you all by yourself. And that alone is just the problem, I've got these woes, and I just can't solve them._

* * *

><p>Jo said yes.<p>

James knew she would. Of course she would. She so obviously loves Kendall and she'd been with him for this long, why wouldn't she want to be with him for the rest of time? Kendall sure as hell wanted to be with her forever. They suited each other, matched each other, and filled the empty spaces in each other's lives.

In all honesty, James has never seen Kendall happier. He continued to congratulate his friend over and over again and every time he said it, he meant it.

The moment Kendall told James, he asked him, "James, will you be the best man?"

James was taken aback by the question. It made sense, out of the four boys Kendall and James had known each other the longest and had always been the closest, but still it was a surprise.

"Yeah man," he'd said, "that's, yeah, yeah I'd be honored."

But that had been the day after the proposal, now, it was the weekend, and James really only had one thing planned. All the shooting for the first episode that James was guest starring in for Camille's show had been finished and there was still no progress on writing a new love song, so all James really had to, or wanted to do, was go to the barbeque with Hailey.

James has even been stressing on what to wear, something that he never does. He can throw anything on and make it look good. But this barbeque is going to be different. He's going to be entering into Hailey's world, a place he's never been before really. Her apartment, her car, they were all her world as well, but James had never been to the part of it that she shared with other people, aside from Shane, James has never met anyone that Hailey affiliates with on a regular basis.

He wasn't nervous, but he was almost nervous.

Hailey called him around noon and told him that she would pick him up around three instead of vice versa. James didn't mind. But now it was closing in on three.

James has decided on dark denim jeans and a white, short sleeve button up. He leaves the first two buttons undone and the last one on the bottom. He doesn't bother to tuck it in; he's trying to be dressy casual. But he's never really done the mix before. He was always casual or dressy. Never really an in between.

He's debating on whether or not to comb his hair to the side or leave it as it is when his phone rings. It's Katie.

"What's up mini K?" He asks. It was a nick name that the boys created for her a long time ago when she was still in her preteen years. They rarely called her it now, but sometimes it just came out.

"If this weren't important, I'd chew you out for that." She says seriously.

James laughs, unaffected by the threat. "What's going on Katie?"

"Who's your new girlfriend?" She asks. "Is she new on the scene?"

"Hailey isn't on the scene." He tells Katie. "And how do you even know about her?"

"Her name is Hailey? And what do you mean? You only date famous people."

"For one, we aren't dating. At least not yet. And I mean she isn't famous at all."

"Well, does she want to be?"

"No, why?"

"Well if she doesn't want some kind of attention I don't know why she's dating you. You're James Diamond there's paparazzi surrounding you twenty-four seven, professional or not." Katie tells him.

"Is there a picture of us? Is that how you know about her?"

"There isn't just one singular picture of you guys, there are plural, _pictures_, of you guys." Katie says, "You two were about to make headlines, but Kendall's engagement saved you."

"Saved us?"

"You said your girlfriend doesn't want to be famous, well then you better start preparing her because as soon as the wedding phenomenon blows into next week, you guys are a cover story. Everyone is wondering who your mystery girl is."

"Wonderful." James says flatly.

"Come on James; don't tell me you haven't been thinking about this. You are a top of the food chain celebrity, people recognize you everywhere. How can you expect to just wander the streets of LA with some random girl and not have some type of consequence?"

"I wasn't thinking at all."

"Well you better start." She says and hangs up.

James groans and the next thing he knows, Hailey is calling him. The conversation is short, she's outside. He'll be down in a minute.

James calls out a farewell to whoever might hear it before he's out the front door bounding down the giant walkway to her black Acura. But James freezes, leaning against the car is Logan. He's looking into the car and Hailey is smiling at him.

When James reaches them Logan looks up at his friend and says, "Hey James, I was just getting reacquainted with a fan."

James recalls that Logan is the one who pulled Hailey out of the crowd and on stage. In a way, James should really be thanking Logan for that. But he doesn't like that Logan is talking to her. Not because he's jealous, not in the least bit. Logan is way too in love with Camille to even look at another woman and Hailey isn't smiling at Logan the way she smiles at James.

It's almost like a high school moment. James is an only child so he doesn't know from experience, but he watches enough movies to feel the fear portrayed on the screen. When you're about to go on a date with someone, or you're with someone you really like and a family member walks in and says hello. It's the fear of mortification because that person could say anything and everything to embarrass them.

It's Logan that has the biggest inventory of memories that include James and embarrassing moments. Logan just always happens to be present when James screws up or does something stupid. The things that he could tell Hailey. Not to mention all the stories about his hookups that Logan could share with Hailey.

But Logan wouldn't sabotage James, so James doesn't know why he's worried, but he is.

"Well," Logan says to James, and then he looks at Hailey and says, "It was a pleasure to finally re-meet you. James talks about you all the time."

And there it was. The moment of mortification. James gives him that look, the "I-am-going-to-fucking-murder-you-later-the-first-chance-I-get." And Logan just smiles like he's so amused.

"It was great to re-meet you too, Logan." Hailey smiles brightly and James's best friend.

"Bye James." Logan waves cheerily and heads back into the house. He's glaring daggers at Logan's back as he walks around the car to get in the passenger's side.

The first thing out of Hailey's mouth when he gets in and shuts the door is, "So you really talk about me all the time?" She's grinned mischievously at him.

"Logan exaggerates." James explains trying to look nonchalant. Hailey can see right through him.

She laughs, "It's okay. I talk about you all the time too. It annoys Shane."

"Speaking of your older brother, does he know I'm coming?"

"Nope." She says popping the p. "But what can he do?"

"You do know that he threatened my life, right?"

Hailey laughs. "Don't worry about that. He does it to everyone. Well, potential boyfriends. He and Elliot are really good friends, but once we met he even threatened him."

Elliot was potential dating material for Hailey? Either Hailey had a wide variety of tastes in men or James was picturing this guy all wrong.

"What does Elliot look like?" James asks curiously, "I mean you tell me about him and I keep trying to picture him, but I don't think I'm getting the right image."

"Hmm. He's tall, light brown hair, green eyes."

"He's a teacher, right?"

Hailey nods, "yeah, he's a total book worm." She says smiling, "he wears glasses occasionally, but not too often, mostly just while he's at work."

James relaxes, he doubts that there's much to worry about.

When they arrive, they're in a little suburban neighborhood, a white picket fence kind of place. James is sort of surprised that neighborhoods like this even still exist in Los Angeles. They're parked in front of a two story home, it's white with blue shutters, very traditional looking. A few people are standing outside the house close to the door, talking and laughing.

He and Hailey gets out of the car and he can see that Hailey is wearing a white dress with little red polka dots. Her hair is pinned to the side and curled. There's still no other makeup than her usual mascara. But she looks adorable. James finds himself smiling at her as she approaches him from around the car.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks.

"You look beautiful." He says with a smile and shrug.

He sees her blush and she mumbles a thank you before leading him by the hand up the driveway. The three guys standing outside the door are holding beers and laughing. They all smile when they see her and exclaim greetings to her in their own manners.

"Hailey! It's been a while! I love the dress." One guy says.

"You look pretty good, Hails." Says another.

The next one grabs her hands and she let's go of James so that he can twirl her, then pull her in for a hug and kiss her cheek.

"Guys," she says, "this is James Diamond."

"You brought a date." Says guy one with shock.

"A celebrity date." Says guy two.

"Hails, Shane is not going to like this." It's guy three that brings up her scary brother.

"So what if I did bring a date? And, that doesn't matter." She tells guys three, "I brought him and he's here. James and I are good friends."

"So she wasn't lying after all." Says guy two. He holds out a hand to James and says, "When we saw the picture in Hailey's apartment we didn't believe her story about how you two were chums."

James smiles, "yeah, Hailey's great. I enjoy being around her."

"James," she says, "This is Thompson," guy three, "Michael," guy one, "and Andre", guy two.

"It's a pleasure." James offers a polite smile.

"We're going to head inside, find Shane, and break the bad news before he finds out from someone else." Hailey says flatly and the other guys laugh.

James follows her into the house. It's bigger on the inside than it looks from the outside. There's music coming from somewhere, and there's people scattered in little clusters around the house. They all say hi to Hailey, James reckons that she's pretty well known amongst this crowd. But they fall silent and eyes widen as they realize that James Diamond is trailing behind her.

Hailey marches directly outside to the man in front out the grill. He's swaying to the rhythm of the music and he spins around like he's dancing, with tongs in his hand when he sees Hailey. James automatically recognizes the six foot three, maybe two hundred something pound man. Shane isn't fat, but he's not scrawny, he looks like most of his weight is muscle, whether it's toned or not.

He wraps his arms around his sister, careful not to touch her with the tongs and says, "Hails! It's about time, you're late."

"Sorry bro. I was picking up a friend. You remember James Diamond, right?"

Shane looks at James and the words _You might be famous, but I'm dangerous_ ring through his head. He swallows hard and tries not to let it show that he's actually pretty fucking scared of Shane.

"Yeah," he says, "you fucked a model then took my sister out to dinner ten minutes later."

James looks guilty but he doesn't really know what to say to that. It's not like he can deny it. Though it was more like a half an hour, but James doesn't think Shane will appreciate the correction.

Hailey hits her brother's arm hard. "Don't be an ass, Shane. It's not like we're dating anyways. He's my friend and I told him he could come. So you better be nice!"

Shane is still glaring at James, but when he looks at Hailey his eyes soften and he rubs the spot where she punched him, "Ouch, have you been working out? That hurt."

Hailey grins and winks at her brother. He laughs and looks at James with not quite such a threatening look. "Since you're here, enjoy the food. This party won't be as extravagant as the last one I saw you at."

James holds up his hand and assures, "Not a problem. Thanks for letting me stay. I won't cause any trouble."

"Good." He says.

With that they leave Shane at the grill and James feels like he can breathe a little easier. He has never been gladder to get out from under someone's gaze.

Hailey is laughing out of nowhere though.

"What?" he asks.

"You looked scared." She manages while gasping for air.

James scowls at her playfully. "Your brother is fucking scary."

"Hailey!" A voice comes from behind. They both turn around and walking towards them is a tall man with his arms open wide. He's wearing attire similar to James except his shirt is tucked in and he's wearing khakis instead of jeans. His hair is combed loosely back and to the side. He's taller than James is by maybe an inch or two, but he looks just as well built and muscular. The sleeves on his plaid button up are rolled up to his elbows, and the glasses on his face are sitting low on his nose. He looks like a model for some preppy clothing line. His face is a masterpiece, sculpted by some brilliant artist from the past. His cheek bones are high and defined, his jaw is strong and his nose is perfectly centered and straight. His teeth are perfect; his eyes are smoldering and green.

He wraps his long, strong arms around Hailey's tiny figure and lifts her off the ground in his hug. He's grinning when he puts her down, and it's a downright prince fucking charming look. He is incredibly good looking and James falters in his self-confidence for a moment. He's so used to being the best looking guy in the room, the most desirable, _the_ _gorgeous one_. But this man is devastatingly handsome. There is nothing beautiful about this man, every bone in his body screams of testosterone and brawn. He looks noble, majestic even. And James has never even used those words to describe looks before.

"Hey." Hailey grins at him when she has both feet back on the ground. She turns to James and says, "James, this is Elliot."

What. The. Fuck.

This was Elliot? This robust man that reeked of chivalry and valiance? It made James's brain go all medieval and heroic, thinking about myths and fairytales when the knight in shining armor comes in to save the day or Prince Charming finds his princess.

Elliot extends a hand to James and smiles that same almost god-like smile at James. "Diamond, right? I've heard a lot about you."

James shakes his hand and immediately wants to shrink back; Elliot's hands are rough and manly, while James's hands are soft to the touch.

For once in his life, James feels inadequate in the looks department.

His hazel eyes and long lashes don't compare to the friendly audacious charm in Elliot's eyes. James has rosy cheeks and a face that he's always thought was a little too oval. He never liked that his nose turned up at the end, or that no matter what, his cheeks were always kind of round, the bone structure not quite as defined as he would have liked.

Even this man's voice made James feel a little bit less worthy. Though it didn't have the musical quality that James's did, it was low, deep and smooth.

Everything about this man said that he was the guy of Hailey's dreams. He was the guy she thought of when she pictured herself living the dream of being a house wife and raising her children. He would be the man to make her dreams come true. He would be the one that put that ring on her finger when James failed to feel the love that Hailey longed for. This man would succeed James in Hailey's life one day, he would take over it, consume it, and James would become a distant memory of a fun few months of Hailey's life.

"Elliot," James says trying to smile brightly like this was everything he expected when he pictured Elliot, trying to pretend that James didn't feel unworthy in his presence. "Nice to finally meet you man, Hailey tells me you two are pretty close friends."

How could this man not have already claimed Hailey for himself? How was he still in the purgatory of the friend zone? How was Hailey not drooling at his feet?

Elliot looks at Hailey and they smile at each other. "Yeah, we're pretty tight." Elliot answers.

"I am going to grab a water since I drove here, James do you want anything?" Hailey asks.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks though." She nods with a smile before prancing away towards the house.

"So," Elliot says, "Hailey told me what you did for Sophia and Melissa, that was really nice."

James shrugs, "It was no big deal."

"Yeah, I don't know, I always kind of figured you were a prick because of all the tabloids and stuff, but I guess you can't believe everything you read." Elliot says.

James doesn't know if he should say, well gee thanks, or if he should even respond but he decides to say, "Well, Hollywood can get some things twisted."

"That's cool man, Hailey really seems to like you, so you must be a good guy."

"I like to think that's the case." James says with a shrug.

When Hailey comes back, Elliot is off to say hello to some new people and his presence is not missed by James in the least. James doesn't leave Hailey's side. Wherever she goes, he goes. He says that it's because he doesn't know anyone and if Shane gets him alone he might try to kill him while Hailey isn't looking. But James knows it's because he doesn't want Elliot to get Hailey alone. She might look at him, hop in his car and run off to elope.

But eventually, they are separated, James has drank three bottles of water, and his bladder is about to explode, so Hailey points him in the direction of the bathroom, but when he comes out. Elliot is already by her side. He's got his hands in his pockets, his glasses are no longer on his face, but hanging from the pocket on the front of his shirt. He's laughing and Hailey is leaning against the wall behind her smiling up at him.

The smile that she gives Elliot does make James jealous.

James has never been jealous over a girl, actors that got his part in a movie, sure, the lead in a song he really wanted, but never over a girl. But watching Hailey smile up at this man who was probably a twelve on a scale of one to ten while James was a ten, made him extremely jealous. Like a passionate fire burning, fueled by jealousy, sat low in his gut.

He wandered over to them nonchalantly and Elliot greeted him with a smile and a pat on the back. James wants to punch him in the face, but Hailey would not approve and Shane might rip James's face off. So James settles for a pathetic smile and joins their conversation.

At some point during the night, every guest who wasn't introduced to him by Hailey made their way over and introduced themselves. Told him they were fans and it was a pleasure to meet him. But Hailey was right; none of them were psychotic and stalked him all night long. So he didn't mind in the least, he even posed for pictures with some.

He saw the look of admiration that Hailey gave him, like she was proud that he wasn't being a douchebag. But James wouldn't ever act that way towards a fan anyways.

Hailey poses for a picture with him as well; Elliot is the one who snaps it. But he is gallant and noble and there is not a single sign of jealousy on his perfectly chiseled face. James figures that it's because Elliot knows in the end he will beat James.

And James will have to accept defeat, because Elliot will love Hailey the way that she deserves to be loved. James isn't even capable of the feeling, how would he be able to muster up enough of it to give Hailey the amount she deserved?

James didn't want to give her up though. At least not now.

The barbeque was delicious, as it should be seeing as it was Shane's job to be good at making food that everyone loves. There was dessert afterwards that Shane also made, which was just as amazingly delicious.

Around ten though, Hailey decides it's time to go, because it's Sunday evening and she has work tomorrow morning. So James makes rounds with her, says goodbye to everyone, and tries his best to remember most of their names. Shane even gives him a handshake, which James figures is a definite improvement from the death glares.

When it comes to Elliot, he gives her a long hug. And though James figures he doesn't do it on purpose, James can't help but hate the guy just a little bit more. He shakes hands with Elliot and follows Hailey through the house and out the front door.

"Did you have fun?" she asks as they pulled away from the house.

"Yeah," James tells her. It is the truth; he enjoyed meeting the people that Hailey was well acquainted with. Well, he enjoyed meeting everyone but one, and had a great time whenever he wasn't anywhere near them. It almost felt like that one time when Logan stole his swagger and James pretended to feel all sick and not hot. But this time it wasn't pretend, he felt completely inadequate when Elliot was anywhere near him. "It was cool to meet your friends."

"Elliot wasn't what you expected was he." She states. It's not a question.

"Not quite." James admits. "He was a lot better looking that I pictured."

Hailey shrugs, "I've known him for so long now that his looks don't really affect me much anymore. I mean when I first met him I stumbled over my words, and I blushed constantly. But now I can stand gracefully in his presence."

James feels the jealousy again, but this time it's not raging and fiery, it's a dull ache in the left of his chest. Hailey hadn't been embarrassed or blushing the first time they met. She'd never tripped over her words or lost her train of thought while looking at him.

"I'm jealous." He tells her. He doesn't know why he says it, but he does. "I wish I had that effect on you."

"You do." She says softly, "I've just gotten better at not letting it show."

They're quiet for a while and James just watches her as she drives. The passing lights dance across her face and illuminate her eyes every once in a while. She is a thing of beauty. James will be damned if he lets her go without a fight.

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><p><strong>AN: **So, I described Elliot the way I think that the model I chose to model him after looks like. His name is Travis Davenport and there are links on my profile to him now.

In my opinion, he is one gorgeous creature.

He is one of those rare faces that I think might pass James up on my scale of beautiful men. Lol. James is ranked pretty high up there, I think his face is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, so this model says a lot for me lol

You may or may not agree.

Anyways, I wasn't sure how to end this chapter, but I decided that it should end with James being determined to be with Hailey even if it is just for a short period of time. Not saying it will be, because I already have this entire story planned out, lol, so you just have to wait and see.

Review!


	11. I Must Be Dreaming

**A/N:** So, what's the verdict on Elliot? There's pics of him on my profile. Thanks for all the great reviews I've been getting, I love them!

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven – I Must Be Dreaming<strong>

_She thinks I'm crazy, judging by the faces that she's making. And I think she's pretty, but pretty is just part of the things she does that amaze me. She calls me sweetheart. I love it when she wakes me when it's still dark. And she watches the sun, but she's the only one I've got my eyes on._

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><p>They knew something was wrong when they caught James looking in his hand held mirror just like he used to do when he was a teenager and he'd just taken a blow to his ego. It was petty and childish, but for James to analyze his face and determine that is was pretty much perfection helped him out when he was upset by something.<p>

He hadn't done it for years though. So when Carlos walked into his bedroom to invite him out to lunch with everyone and found him sitting on his bed with his knees pulled up against his chest and his mirror in his hands, Carlos immediately knew something was wrong.

"James," he calls out. James puts the mirror down slowly like it's a struggle to tear his eyes away from his own reflection before looking to Carlos.

"Hey, we're all heading out to lunch, some place in Hollywood, I don't know, Jo picked it, you want to come?"

James shrugs and says sure before he gets up off of his bed leaving his mirror there. He's already dressed, dark washed jeans, a black V-neck, and like always he smells like Cuda. Carlos lingers in the doorway, concerned as he watches James find a pair of socks and pick out a pair of high top Nikes.

"You okay, James?" he asks.

James looks back to Carlos and shrugs, "Yeah, just a little, what's a good word, bewildered I guess."

"Why?"

"I'll tell you guys later, maybe at lunch. I don't want to go through the trouble of explaining it five times."

"Okay." Carlos says and leaves James in his room to finish getting ready.

James is confused, because really he has no idea what he's feeling. It's depressing. It's a mixture of jealousy, worry, and inadequacy. What is this? Why is he so upset, why is his world turned upside down by the thought of Elliot spending time with Hailey? It's ridiculous. They're friends, and if Hailey wanted to date him, wouldn't she have already done it? But sometimes it takes a while to realize that you want to be with someone. James remembers that Mama K was friends with Kenneth for three years before she realized that she felt something for him. So what if Hailey just all of the sudden realizes that she wants to be with Elliot and kicks James to the curb? The thought of that makes his chest tighten.

He feels like he's been one-upped in every aspect.

Elliot is better looking, he's capable of love, he's older than James, probably smarter and more experienced in the world because all James has ever really known is being famous. Before he was famous he wasn't old enough to really get life. He shares Hailey's dream of starting a family. He's got colored eyes. He's taller, he's probably stronger.

James is just being petty and ridiculous when he thinks of the final few things on the list, but still, it doesn't make any of it less true.

He makes his way down stairs and there are five people just staring at him. Jo and Kendall are attached at the hip and James smiles internally when he sees the engagement ring. He's happy for his friend. Camille is standing in front of Logan with his arms around her waist and his chin on her shoulder and Carlos is just standing there with his hands in his pockets.

"Is there something on my face?" James asks flatly.

"You should know, you've been looking in that stupid mirror again." Kendall says, he means it playfully but James being all depressed and such takes it offensively. He glares at Kendall.

"Dude, you haven't looked in that mirror for like years." Logan says.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm aware, but I'm not going to start carrying it around in my back pocket, jeez, so can we just go to lunch?"

They pile into Logan's Escalade but Kendall is driving because the traffic is hell and Logan has spent too many road trips in the car with James driving. James has road rage like mad. It's begun to rub off on Logan.

Kendall is unaffected by the madness of LA traffic, so they let him drive because Carlos is a reckless driver and no one really wants to die yet. Besides, he has a broken arm.

The girls are busy chatting in the back seat, while James rests his head against the cool glass of the window in the passenger's seat. Logan is next to Camille and Carlos is sprawled out comfortable in the very back.

"James," Kendall says as they sit in stop and go traffic. James is trying his best not to think about Elliot and his god-like face or the way he looks at Hailey and how he's such good friends with her, but James is also trying not to pay attention to the traffic around him, because whether he's driving or someone else is doesn't matter, road rage runs ramped through his veins.

"What's up douche?" James is still kind of touchy about the comment Kendall made earlier even though he knows he's being stupid and dramatic.

He glances at Kendall and sees his best friend roll his eyes.

"Are you okay?"

James nods, "I'm just feeling sorry for myself."

"You were so excited for that barbeque, did something happen?"

"Since I know that every single one of you in this car is going to end up asking me the same thing, why don't I just tell you all at once when we get to the restaurant?"

"Fine." Kendall agrees.

They get there and it's a place James has been before. It's very classy and lots of top celebrities show up quite often. James has taken multiple dates here. The restaurant is up on the seventh story of the building. James isn't quite sure what else is in the building though.

They're all seated immediately because Jo and Camille are the two most sought after young actresses in Hollywood, and the boys are Big Time Rush, not to mention James is there. He's a part of the band, but he's kind of got more stature than the others. Carlos has been on TV a few times, Logan guests host every once on E! And Kendall has produced a few hit songs, but James is not only a pop star. He's a movie star, a model, the face of a men's cosmetics brand, designer and collaborator for certain clothing lines. He's top dog, after this next tour he's ever supposed to be start collaborating with the Kardashian's.

Katie manages most of the responsibilities that come with all that he does. She just calls him, tells him where to go and when to be there. He wonders if he would be doing as much without Katie, because though James isn't lazy, he's professional, determined and business smart; it all just seems like too much of a hassle. But seeing as Katie manages all of his obligations, his life is pretty easy and he keeps taking on new things because he's getting a fat pay check from it, and Katie lets him because she's getting a fat paycheck for all she does as well.

They order and boring small talk takes over until the topic of the wedding comes up. Then everyone is interested. James is the best man after all and Carlos and Logan are the grooms men. Camille is Jo's maid of honor, and Katie has agreed to be one of her bride's maids, but she's still looking for another one. Jo is popular, and she has a lot of acquaintances, but not so many real friends. Everyone is always trying to get ahead, and after being taken advantage of a few times, she decided to be careful who she lets in. James thinks that she's being wise because he's gone through the same thing. So while James is popular as well, and girls are always blowing up his phone, and guys always want to know if he's down to join them at a party, he's smart about which offers he actually takes up. Well at least with the guys, if a girl is calling him and she's asking for him to come over, James will pretty much always say yes as long as he knows she isn't psychotic and there's a ninety-nine percent chance of him getting laid.

He's been doing that less often though. Most of his nights are consumed by spending time with Hailey. His days consist of the usual, but his mind is always on the petite girl with blue eyes, light brown hair and the smile that makes his world stop. The only girl he's ever been jealous for. The feeling sucks by the way.

They're meals are brought and for a few minutes after that it's quiet as everyone begins to eat the food that will probably, as a total cost, come close to five hundred dollars when everyone is done.

None of them have to worry about money though.

"So," Carlos says when he finishes chewing whatever is in his mouth. James is impressed that he waited and didn't talk with his mouthful because Carlos wasn't all that mature for a twenty-five year old. He was when he needed to be, but for the most part he was still in that sixteen year old frame of mind. James figured it was probably because of the setting.

"Why are you looking in that mirror again?"

Everyone looks at him now.

"Yeah, I mean did something happen with Hailey?"

"Wait," Jo says, "James is still going after this girl? They haven't dated and broken up or just I don't know done something typically James?"

He gives Jo a very civil look but it's cold and Logan swears he feels the temperature in the room drop.

"He's still in the friend zone." Camille tells Jo. "James really likes this girl, it's a miracle."

"Wow." Is all Jo says.

"If you're done subtly hinting at what a terrible person I am," James says with a blank expression, "I'll tell you all what you want to know."

Jo rolls her eyes and Camille smiles sheepishly at him, but they all tell him to go ahead and tell the story.

"So we get to the barbeque," James begins, "everything is going just fine, a good ride over, I'm smiling, she's smiling, and then I get introduced to Elliot."

"Elliot, you told me about him right? He's like her best friend or something." Logan says, "Didn't you tell me he was like some nerdy teacher?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought, but it turns out he isn't a nerdy teacher; he's fucking living breathing perfection." James says getting all worked up, "He's like an Adonis among men. It's fucking ridiculous how good looking this guy is."

"Are you serious?" Kendall asks, "You're upset because her best friend is some handsome dude?"

"You didn't see him, he looks like he's Prince Charming, straight out of a freaking fairytale." James says, "I seriously felt like I was average looking compared to him."

They all freeze and look at James. The confession is something that they have never heard spill from James's lips. He has never once spoken aloud of any dissatisfaction with his appearance or told anyone that he didn't feel like was the best looking man to ever walk the face of the planet. James usually believed that he was God's gift to women.

"This guy made you feel self-conscious?" Logan asks incredulously.

"You're probably over reacting." Camille says, "I mean you like this girl and the fact that her best friend is a guy must upset you a little in itself, your mind is probably over analyzing this, you know? You're getting down on yourself for no reason; no one will ever deny how good looking you are James."

"As much as I tend to dislike you," Jo speaks up, "Camille is right."

"You know what," James says, he's struck with realization. "I have a picture of him on my phone."

"You do?" Carlos asks.

James nods. A friend of Hailey's had snapped a shot of the three of them on her phone and sent it to Hailey and she'd sent it to James. He scrolls through the pictures in his phone until he finds the one of the three of them standing in the backyard, James on Hailey's left, Elliot on the right.

Camille is sitting on his right so he hands her the phone first. She's shaking her head like she doesn't believe a word of what James is saying, but she takes the phone and she looks down. Her eyes widen and her mouth opens. She looks, wide-eyed, from the phone to James and says, "That's Elliot?"

"What did I fucking tell you?" he says. "Am I over reacting now? That is her _best_ fucking friend. How am I supposed to feel?"

Camille shows the picture to Logan whose eyes widen as his head rears a little. He looks at James and says, "Yeah, Camille wouldn't be hanging out with that guy."

Camille smiles and they start to get all romantic but the phone is passed to Jo who still looks skeptical. But when she looks down at the phone she looks back at James and says, "This guy is a teacher? Why isn't he an actor?"

The reactions from Kendall and Carlos are similar to Logan's. They don't say it, but it's written all over their faces; that would so not go down if one of their girlfriends were friends with him. Ties would be cut instantly.

"Okay," Camille says, "Just because he's ridiculously good looking doesn't mean anything. What if there is no chemistry between them? What if he's stuck in the friend zone for a reason?"

"Are you kidding me?" James says giving her a look of disbelief.

"Okay, okay, but James, you're just as good looking. You know, you've got _the face_." She tries to comfort him.

"Did you not just look at his face?"

"I personally, now think that James is totally justified in what he's feeling." Kendall says. "Remember the Jett situation?"

They all kind of laugh thinking back to their teenage years.

"Yeah, but Jett was way better looking than you, Kendall." Carlos says and everyone says, "oooh!" but Carlos hadn't meant to be offensive, he just isn't all that tactical.

"Don't worry Kendall, I love your less than perfect face." She grins playfully and kisses his cheek. They all chuckle slightly or just smile and shake their heads.

But Carlos continues after the interruption, "I think that James should trust Hailey. I mean you guys aren't dating yet, but that doesn't mean she's out with some guy every other night."

Carlos gives him a pointed look and on the surface, James rolls his eyes. But on the inside, he's wondering if maybe Carlos is right, and not hooking up as much would be a good thing, showing Hailey that he was ready to commit to her in at least a small way.

He's on his way to Hailey's after the lunch is over. Because of his little confession, they spent the rest of the time debating on whether or not Elliot was a threat to James and what he should do about it. But James was tired of the topic. He never wanted to see or hear about Elliot again.

They spent the night in Hailey's apartment with the lights off and a big bowl of popcorn on the coffee table while watching movies of all different kinds of genres. They even watched one in French with subtitles.

"I get my teeth pulled on Wednesday." Hailey tells him. She's sitting up on the couch but her head is resting on his shoulder.

"Did you take time off from work?"

She nods, and then she's moving her head from his shoulder to his lap. She stretches out on the couch and looks up at him. James feels his heart race begin to quicken and the blood in his veins begin to boil. But he keeps his cool looking down at Hailey. Her hair is down, and everywhere. He brushes some pieces from her face and smiles down at her.

Her beauty amazes him.

"Who's going to take care of you?" he asks.

"Shane volunteered to take care of me during the day, but from what I hear I'll just be sleeping a lot so he won't have much to do, but most of his clients hire him for night time events so Elliot said that he can come over after work and help me out."

"No." James says. He doesn't actually mean to say it, but it comes out and now he owes Hailey an explanation to his dissent. He doesn't know what he's doing when he says it, but it comes out, "I can take care of you."

She makes a face up at him like she isn't entirely sure that she heard him right.

"What I mean is," James says throwing together an excuse, "they have to work, they have things to do during the day and need to get their rest at night. I, on the other hand, just finished filming with Camille which means that I have a few days free this week with absolutely nothing to do. And I mean, teaching takes a lot of effort, Elliot would have to get up every four hours to give you antibiotics and pain meds, rendering him tired and much less capable of doing his job. And I mean, come on, we need teachers to do their jobs these days otherwise everyone might end up like Carlos. And Shane on the other hand, what if Elliot runs late and then Shane is running late to get to his event and what if he forgets something? It would be a catastrophe." He rants. James never rants, but the words are spilling out nervously. "So you know, all in all, it's just better if I take care of you. It gives me something to do, and doesn't take any vital time away from Shane and Elliot's lives."

Hailey is smirking up at him. There's a glint in her eyes and a knowing look on her face. "You just don't want Elliot spending the night here do you?"

James looks down at her like he's contemplating whether or not it's a good idea to tell her the truth. But he remembers Carlos's words about relationships and how they're built on truth and trust. So James internally sighs and says, "Okay, yeah, but that doesn't mean my other points aren't entirely plausible."

Hailey laughs slightly and James lets out an irritated huff. He doesn't like to be laughed at when he isn't trying to be funny.

"Okay." Hailey says, "you can take care of me if you really want to."

"I do."

"Then bring some clothes over tomorrow and just stay here until I'm good to go."

"You want me to stay over?" he asks dumbly.

"Unless you want to drive back here every couple hours, then I think that would be the smart thing to do."

James rolls his eyes, "Okay smart-ass."

She laughs. "I like you James." She says it softly looking directly up into his hazel eyes with her pale blue ones. "I like you a lot."

James smiles down at her, and he feels like everything is right in the world at the moment. Him in her small apartment, her head in his lap as they laugh and watch movies together, forgetting the world outside. Creating their own where James is just James and not someone to be nervous or intimidated by and Hailey isn't a bank teller that doesn't know what to do with her life, dreaming of a future that may or may not come true. In that apartment, together, they are just James and Hailey. Friends, with the potential of being so much more.

It's all that James wants.

"I like you a lot too, Hailey."

James wants to kiss her. It's there in her eyes and written all over her face that she wants the same thing. But it's a fleeting moment and it passes when James finds himself incapable of moving.

Hailey presses play and the next movie starts.

James has just missed his second chance to change things between them.

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><p><strong>AN: **It was kind of hard to write about James describing Elliot without making him seem gay. Just because I don't think guys really go into intense detail about other guys unless they you know, actually are gay. But I might be wrong. Who knows, not me. I tried to keep it vague and such, but I'm just hoping it doesn't make James seem gay. I have no problem with gay people, it's just not what I'm going for here lol.

So anyways, I liked writing the little scene between Hailey and James at the end. It's cute and totally killing me that James hasn't kissed her yet. But I'm the writer so I suppose I could change that, but I must stick to my original plans!

I hope you liked it.

Review!


	12. Trouble

**A/N:** So, I feel like what I have planned for this story is totally not what you guys are going to be expecting, but I feel as though I must continue with my original plan, because it's dramatic and I like it. Hopefully you will too.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Twelve – Trouble<strong>

_I'm in trouble, I'm an addict, I'm addicted to this girl. She's got my heart tied in a knot and my stomach in a whirl. But even worse I can't stop calling her. She's all I want and more, I mean damn, what's not to adore?_

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><p>"You're going to be at her house for three days?" Logan asks leaning against the door frame of James's walk in closet as he's packing clothes. He doesn't plan on taking much, some shorts to sleep in, his old hoodie with the sleeves cut off that he's had since his early high school years. A couple pairs of jeans in case he has to run out to the store for Hailey. A hat and sunglasses can only disguise someone so much. But aside from that, James has a reputation that he has no intention of risking.<p>

"Yeah, maybe longer if she needs me there."

"Are you going to make a move?" Logan steps into the large closest and starts to look at James's wide selection of sunglasses. Logan has a nice collection as well.

James looks at Logan and gives him a blank look, "Totally dude, because swollen cheeks and bleeding gums, while on pain meds is totally the right time to let her know I want to be in a relationship with her."

Logan chuckles and says, "Okay, so maybe this week is a bad idea. But we have like two more weeks left before we leave, and you know that we won't be back for three months."

"Yeah, late September, I know, right around Mama K's birthday."

"You don't want to leave things like this. I mean you're obviously close to starting something with this girl, and you might want to make a move before we go because you know she is friends with that one guy."

He's referring to Elliot and James scowls.

"I know," James says throwing a pair of socks into his duffle bag. "I don't plan on leaving things like this with her."

"It's just, I'm surprised that you haven't already made a move, I mean you obviously seriously like her."

"You don't get it." James is zipping up his duffel bag and he looks to Logan, "I'm not smooth around her."

Logan scoffs, but then he realizes that James is serious. But it makes no sense because James is James, he's always smooth.

"Is that why you haven't let us meet her yet?"

"Actually yeah." James says putting the strap on his shoulder. "You guys would never let me hear the end of it if you saw how totally uncool and Carlos-like I am around her."

"That bad, huh?"

A Carlos reference when talking about girls is a bad sign. Carlos, good looking, funny, maybe not brilliant, but still not an idiot, has got to be the most un smooth guy around girls. He stutters, and shakes, laughs obnoxiously because he's nervous, sweats a lot. It's fun to ridicule him, but the other guys don't know that James has secretly been trying to help Carlos out. He feels bad for the guy.

"I don't know," James says, "she's just so different than any other girl I've been with. Who I am doesn't matter to her at all, she was never intimidated by the name James Diamond or any of the things that entail being friends or acquaintances with me. She has absolutely no interest in fame. At all. She's got a protective older brother who will fucking murder me, no lie, if I ever hurt her in anyway. Which I don't plan on doing, but still, it's scary. She loves her normal life; she eats hamburgers, like all the time, which makes me wonder how she's still so small because I know for a fact that she doesn't work out. And not to mention we've got exactly the opposite kind of complex when it comes to relationships. She doesn't act it, but she's almost as hopelessly romantic as Carlos. And romance, and love and all that other jazz that comes with it, is stuff I don't normally do. And I'm rambling, Logan, she fucking makes me ramble, and she isn't even here."

Logan laughs. "She sounds like quite a catch."

"I mean, we have heart to heart talks." James says throwing his arms up in the air.

"That's a good thing."

"I am completely content to sit there in her tiny apartment and watch sappy, romantic, comedies or tragedies with her."

"Wow."

"I enjoy singing to her, for her, more than I have ever before. I mean you know that feeling we get after we've just played a show for like ten thousand people? How crazy and amazing it feels? Well it feels better than that to play for her, as long as she's looking at me, I feel like fucking superman or something. But as Clark Kent because she makes me nervous, can you believe that? It's ridiculous. I have no idea what's wrong with me."

Logan is looking at James with an unsure look because everything he is saying is describing a certain feeling. It's one that Logan has experienced before, one he is currently experiencing in his relationship with Camille. It's a four letter word, but Logan doesn't even suggest this to James. He could just imagine what would happen if he did. James would freak out and kill things off with Hailey because the emotion scares James.

Logan knows what James went through during the divorce. Not personally, he didn't know what it felt like because his parents were still happily married. But Logan had spent the night at James's house, and been present when a fight broke out. They'd been upstairs in James's room playing video games and eating gummy worms, when the screaming started. There was banging on the walls, foul language, words that a man should never call a woman were used, glass was broken. It was scary. Logan had looked to James and there was this sad look in his eyes, but he told Logan not to worry about it and turned up the volume of their game.

He couldn't blame James for being cautious.

But what Logan didn't know is that in James's mind, it wasn't just caution. It was so much more. This deep seeded fear or being hurt, scarred beyond repair, miserable, feeling like his life's purpose was lost, like the world was ending, like better days would never come, the sun would never rise and his world would remain forever in eternal darkness. Love was something that shook James to his very core, but not in a good way.

"She sounds really cool." Logan says, "She was really nice when I talked to her the day of the barbeque. I'm sure the rest of our gang would love to meet her."

James shrugs, "I'll ask her if she's up for it."

"I'll tell Jo to plan something small for the weekend before we leave." Logan says as he exits the room. James follows him out and down to the kitchen where he knows that if any of the other guys are home will be.

Carlos is in there with a bowl of cereal sitting at the island counter while Kendall is sitting on the counter across from Carlos. Kendall is laughing and Carlos is shaking his head.

"Hey!" Kendall says, "James, Jo just decided that she wants the wedding color to be red."

James sets his duffel bag down on the floor next to the kitchen table that is rarely used. Everyone likes to stand or sit at the island.

"Why red?"

"Red is passionate." Carlos tells him.

James shrugs; he looks good in any color so it isn't like it matters to him. "Sounds good."

"And the wedding date is November 15th, it's a Saturday." Kendall informs everyone.

"I'll save the date." Logan says.

"You better asshole, you're in the wedding." Kendall throws a wooden spoon at Logan.

"Well, if things are getting violent, I best be on my way before I'm forced to end any lives." James picks up his bag again.

They all laugh and send him off with a goodbye and some type of comment about him and Hailey. From Logan it's a good luck, Carlos and Kendall make kissing noises. He flips them all off as he leaves.

When he gets to Hailey's she's wearing a summer dress. It's a white halter and falls just about her knees. Her hair is done up with curls hanging loosely from a clip. She has feather earrings in and there's a long silver necklace with a key hanging off the end. She looks so pretty.

"Wow. What's all this?" he asks reaching for her hand and twirling her, the ends of her dress fly up slightly and she's blushing as she's smiling at him.

"I got a new dress. And I figured we could go somewhere, you know, since I won't be able to real food for like the next week or two." She says, one hand is clutching at her other arm, she's biting her lower lip looking up at him, and there's still some color in her cheeks. Was she nervous?

"Yeah," James says, "that sounds great. Can I just put my bag down?"

They're in the car, James is driving, but he isn't quite sure where they're going. Apparently neither is Hailey because when he asks she just shrugs.

James can't help but wonder what Hailey was thinking when she put on that dress. Why she blushed and seemed nervous when he first arrived. He wonders if maybe her feelings have changed towards him. Like maybe friends isn't good enough for her anymore. Maybe this is James's sign to take things to the next level.

They end up at a burger joint right on the beach. James also wonders if this is what Hailey envisioned when she put on the dress. Probably not, but James decides that it doesn't matter because Hailey fucking loves hamburgers and she looks downright joyful when the waiter sets down her food before her. She looks at it with big hungry eyes, like she wants nothing more than to devour it whole in one bite.

James can't help but think that he'd like to see that look on her face in a much different situation.

But he shakes the thought from his mind because popping a boner in public is the last thing he needs.

They eat and laugh, and Hailey even has the audacity to throw a ketchup covered French frie at James across the table. It lands on his cheek. He stares at her, eyes wide with shock. Did she really just do that?

The evil grin on the girl's faces tells him that yes, yes she did really just do that. James, slowly, calmly, takes a napkin and wipes the ketchup off of his face. When he puts the napkin down, he picks up and frie and dips it in his own ketchup, and scoops as much of the red sauce onto the small slice of potato as is possible.

Hailey's eyes widen with horror. She holds up her hands and makes a cross with her index like he's a vampire and it'll keep him from sucking out her blood. But it won't help her, not here, not now. He winds up to throw it but she says, "James! White dress!"

He frowns. That is so not fair. But then he's smiling, leaning across the table and smearing the ketchup on the frie across her face, above her upper lip so that she has a red mustache.

The look on her face is hilarious and James is falling back into his seat overcome by a fit of giggles. She wipes her face and looks at him seriously.

"We're even."

James is still laughing but he agrees to the truce.

When it's dark, they stop at an ice cream shop. Walking along the beach with a sugar cone sounds like a pretty good idea to the both of them. So it's what they do. They get ice cream cones and walk across the street to the beach. The sky is dark and the moon is shining across the water. It's a beautiful sight to behold.

It's then that James realizes how much he's been missing out on just living the famous life. He hasn't taken time out for the little things in a really long time. Walking down the beach with shoes in hand and a content smile upon his lips, enjoying an ice cream with a woman, innocently, laughing with and at someone that genuinely makes you happy. All things James has kind of forgotten about.

Hailey has been good for him, and hopefully, she will continue to be.

They get back to her apartment and Hailey lets James take a shower before she does. He tries not to take too long. When he comes out, for once, he doesn't smell like Cuda. His hair smells like Herbal Essence and his body like cucumber melon. On the shelf in her bathroom are multiple different types of scented lotions and body sprays. He uses the Johnson's baby lotion that he spies behind all of the others because he already smells girly enough. He doesn't need to smell like Black Amethyst or Apple Cinnamon. He brushes his teeth with her Crest Whitening tooth paste and he wonders if it actually works. Hailey's teeth are pretty white, this stuff might be why. It'd have no effect on his teeth though, he gets them bleached. He also uses her mouth wash which is supposed to help whiten teeth as well. He can't help but think she might have obsession with getting whiter teeth.

When he exits the bathroom, thoroughly smelling as unmanly as he deems possible for himself, Hailey is in her bedroom. The door is open so he peeks in. She's still wearing her dress and her hair is still up, but she's sitting on her bed holding a picture frame in her hands. It's the one that sits on her nightstand; it was something James effectively missed seeing when he woke up hung over in her bed. He only knows it's there now because Hailey sent James into her room a few nights ago to get her a pair of socks and he noticed it then. But he didn't know what the picture was of or who was in it.

"Hey," he says when she doesn't notice him. She glances at him over her shoulder and sets the picture back in its place on the night stand.

"How was your shower?" she asks getting up off of the edge of her bed and grabbing the pajamas she's laid out for herself.

"I smell like cucumber melon and baby lotion." James says smiling, "I think this is the most effeminate I've ever smelled since I let Katie dress me up as a girl when she was thirteen."

Hailey laughs and says, "I'll be out in a few."

So James makes himself at home in her living room. He's brought his own pillow, but Hailey has provided a few blankets for him. He sets up his spot on the couch and turns on the TV. There's a movie with Jo on, so he leaves it. As much as he can dislike her, she is a good actress. Her movies are always well made and Jo can throw herself into any role. Much like Camille, she's just a lot less dramatic during the preparation period.

He isn't focusing much on the movie though. He's still wondering why the Kaleidoscope is on her coffee table. He hasn't asked yet. For the first time, he touches it, picks it up and he looks through it.

A bright array of colors and distorted images appear before him. He twists the top and looks around the room with it. It's neat and reminds him of a childhood that seemed so far away. Both time wise and in distance. James hasn't been back to Minnesota in a really long time. Kendall goes often because he likes to watch the Wilds play on their home turf. Logan and Carlos go for family. But James feels like Minnesota has nothing left for him. A broken home and memories that he's tried so hard to block out are all that remain in the ice and the snow of his home state.

He sets down the kaleidoscope just as Hailey exits the bathroom. He can smell the same products that he's just used coming off of her. Her hair is dripping wet and un brushed, framing her face. James can see that she isn't wearing a bra and her hair dripping on her white tank top isn't helping things, not to mention the shorts she's decided to wear barely cover her ass.

Is she doing this on purpose? Does she know how sexy she looks? She must be trying to torture him, maybe punish him for the ketchup incident. It's almost painful to watch her hips sway as she walks right past him. He takes a deep breath; he needs to think about something else.

She joins him on the couch with a brush in her hands, but he asks, "Can I brush it?"

She hands it over without a word. James opens his legs so that she can sit between them. One foot is on the floor, the other is on the couch, his knee bent. She scoots backwards, there's barely inches between them. He takes a chunk of her hair in his hand and runs the brush through it gently. James's heart is beating erratically in his chest. He feels alive, and the spots where her body is touching, pressing against his are on fire.

Brushing her hair is so innocent, but at the same time, it feels like it could be the most intimate thing he's ever done in his life. It's hard for him to breathe with her so close to him. And all he's doing is brushing her hair. She smells intoxicating, and he's purposefully touching the tips of his fingers to her shoulder blades when he grabs hair and down her back as he lets the pieces fall just so he can feel how smooth her skin is.

They don't speak while he does it. He goes over the same strands, brushes it gently over and over because he doesn't want her to move, he wants her to stay right there, so close to him, making it hard to breathe, difficult to think, impossible to focus on anything but how she amazes him every moment that he's with her.

"I'm done." He whispers, lips close to her ear when he finishes, but he wishes he wouldn't have said anything, because she moves away from him and takes the brush from his hands, their fingers touch, lingering for a moment longer than necessary.

"Goodnight." She tells him, her pale blue eyes meet his and their filled with this emotion that James can't identify. She turns off the lights, and he hears her door shut softly. And in the dark of Hailey's apartment James is consumed by longing.

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><p><strong>AN: **I liked this chapter. The next will contain the week of the removal of the teeth and such.

Hope you like it!

Review! :]


	13. I Want To Hold Your Hand

**A/N:** I'm losing reviewers! I'll write better I promise! D;

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen – I Want To Hold Your Hand<strong>

_Oh, yeah I'll tell you something I think you'll understand when I say that something. I want to hold your hand._

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><p>James wakes up in the morning to the soft sounds of someone shuffling through what he thinks is his room. But when he opens his eyes, he realizes that he's not at home, he's on Hailey's couch. He remembers now. Hailey is getting her teeth out in what is probably only a few hours away, if not less. The appointment is at eight.<p>

He sits up and rubs his eyes, yawning. With a groggy look around, he can see that all the blinds are still pulled shut, and there's not much light in the apartment aside from that coming from the kitchen. Hailey is in there. James can only see her head. Her hair is piled in a messy bun upon her head. And suddenly he's being over whelmed by the emotions and senses that he felt last night brushing her hair as she sat between his legs, the world silent between them, James's heartbeat, erratic, his breath shallow, the way her skin felt beneath his finger tips and the look in her eyes when she finally faced him.

He's wide awake now.

Hailey must have noticed because she joined him on the couch and sat very close to him. She sat on her feet, her knees touching his thigh, one arm resting on the back of the couch the other in the pocket of her sweatshirt. James turned his head to face her, their noses were inches apart.

"Good morning." She whispered. Her breath his cool on his skin and smells minty.

He realizes that as he responds his breath probably won't smell as refreshing, but it's too late, a good morning is already half spilled from his lips.

She smiles at him, no face of disgust or discontentment. Just a full, toothy smile.

"I made you breakfast." She tells him and stands back up.

"Oh really?" James raises his left eyebrow, simply because he can't raise the other. He's rather jealous of the way that Kendall can alternate so easily.

She holds a hand out to him and helps pull him too his feet. James is wearing a pair of sweat pants, but is quite shirtless. He can't help the satisfaction he feels when he watches Hailey's eyes widen and rake over the sight of his half naked body. James is like a fucking walking orgasm. There's no need to flex, he's toned enough that just breathing makes the muscles in his abdomen visible. Hailey's lips part slightly, and James's mind isn't on breakfast anymore. It's on slipping his tongue through the small gap and kissing her until her lips are chapped and bruised, preferably without clothes on, but damn, just a peck would be better than the torture he's enduring just watching her.

James wants her to reach out with her small hands and run her slender fingers over his exposed skin. He wants her to look up at him with her wide blue eyes, filled with lust. He wants her body pressed against his, he wants her hands tangled in his hair, his name uttered from her lips.

James shakes himself. It's like six thirty in the morning.

But morning sex is just as good as sex at any other time of day. Maybe even better. Come on, if you start off your day with the most blissful experience that your body can produce naturally, what could ruin it?

It might help ease some of the nerves Hailey might feeling about getting her teeth pulled out of her head.

She leads him to the kitchen table; he sits, and doesn't offer morning sex. But mostly he's trying to block the thoughts of it from his mind. Of course he could always pass it off as morning wood and casually ask if Hailey cared to help. He could just imagine the look on her face. That was a definite no.

She sets down a plate of pancakes and eggs before him. It looks pretty damn good. The pancakes are cooked just how he likes them, mostly white, just cooked to the point where it isn't batter anymore, and browned along the edges and splotches around the middle. There's two of them and two over easy eggs on the plate beside the perfect pancakes. James is curious as to Hailey knows exactly what he likes.

He asks. "How did you know that this is like my favorite breakfast?"

She sets down a plate with a few slices of butter and a bottle of maple syrup before him as well, then shrugs, "intuition. Besides, it's my favorite too. I was making the eggs before I realized you might not even like them that way."

"This is wonderful." He says with a mouthful of pancakes covered in warm egg yoke, melting butter and syrup.

She smiles at him leaning against the counter.

"_You're_ wonderful." James tells her when the food is safely traveling down his esophagus into his stomach, and no longer hindering his speech to make him sound like some bonehead.

He notices her blush as her eyes avert and she offers him a drink. "Milk or juice?"

"Milk, please."

He isn't supposed to drink dairy when he has to sing, but he's pretty sure he won't be singing much over the next couple of days.

She pours him a glass and takes a seat next to him.

He takes a sip and Hailey hands him his napkin so he can rid himself of the white mustache. She smiles as he wipes it away. James wants to know what she's thinking so bad.

"You aren't having any?" he asks feeling rude while he sits there scarfing down the food she made him while there is nothing before her.

"Not supposed to eat twelve hours prior to the procedure." She says flatly with a disappointed look on her face.

"I'll get you a burger when you can eat solid food again." James promises with a grin.

"I'll hold you to that. You can't just get my hopes up and not expect me to remember."

James laughs. "Let's go get your teeth pulled."

The ride to the dentist is quiet. James is driving and when he glances at Hailey he can see her biting on her lower lip, her fingers are fidgeting, she's tugging on the sleeps of her pull over sweater and flattening the ruffles on her sweats. She's nervous, he can tell. So he reaches out to comfort her and places his large hand over her dainty one. He can feel her body stiffen and he wonders if maybe he shouldn't have done it, but she relaxes and laces her fingers through his.

He's smiling as he drives now.

They arrive at the dentist office and James releases his grip on Hailey's hand, because they drove the rest of the way there like that. He's wishing that he didn't have to let go, but it is what it is, and he's thinking to himself that while she's passed out on the drive back to her apartment he'll hold her hand, even if she doesn't know he is.

Hailey gets out of the car and James meets her around the other side. She looks more nervous now than she did before, her brows furrowed, lower lip being bitten once more.

"Don't worry kid," he says even though he's only got three years on her, "it won't be that bad."

She nods though it doesn't look like she believes him, they take maybe three steps before Hailey stops. James stops a few feet from her and gives her a questioning look. Her eyes meet his and she opens her mouth to speak, but closes it, then she opens it again, "James, I-"

She stops. Looking away from him and to the ground beneath her feet, maybe at her turquoise toenails. Or the checkered pattern of the straps on her blue flip flops.

"What?" he asks stepping towards her. He's worried about her, he doesn't want her to be scared, or nervous. He doesn't want her to doubt the future of her well-being. James is confident this oral surgeon will remove her teeth without damaging the nerve and permanently paralyzing part of her face. Cause if he does, James Diamond will sue his ass for every damn thing he owns.

She looks back up at him, same look on her face and then she says, "I want to hold your hand."

James can only smile and reach out, taking her delicate fingers between his and holding her hand softly, but firm enough to give her the strength that she needs to walk into that office and do what she needs to do.

When they walk in, there's soft seventies music playing and the ladies at the front desk look tired and bored. James doesn't let go of Hailey's hand as she walks up to them and gives them her name. One of the girls hands Hailey a clipboard and a pen, but then both sets of eyes are on James's face, about to drool all over their paperwork.

James is wearing some denim jeans, and a black V-neck. He's got a beanie covering his hair though and aviators are hiding his hazel eyes. It almost looks like he was going for a grunge type look, with the beanie and all, but the truth of it was that they had been running late and there wasn't enough time for James to spend an hour on his hair. It was Hailey's beanie, luckily it was pink. It's was gray, much like the one Kendall used to wear.

James has to let go of Hailey's hands while she fills out her paperwork and he notices that her handwriting is neat and cursive. Almost like a computer font. He can't help but smile and think that if figures.

She returns the paperwork, and James takes hold of her hand again, she meets his eyes and smiles. Since there's no one else there, the dentist calls them in shortly. James still hasn't let go of her hand, and the ladies behind the desk watch James with lust and Hailey with envy.

The dentist is a short, middle aged Asian man whose real name was Thao Trung, but when by Thomas. Much easier to say.

The man doesn't have much of an accent, and James is shamefully glad, he can rarely understand Vietnamese accents. He'd tried to take on the language once, right after he'd mastered basic Japanese, but it just never took and he had a hard time trying to understand anything that they said. He felt bad, but it was true.

Dr. Thomas Nguyen began to tell Hailey about the procedure and why it was needed. James listened intently as he explained. He was sitting in a chair a few feet away because she had to sit in the dental chair. James wanted to scoot his chair over and take her hand again, but he refrained. His fingers were tingling though.

"Basically," the dentist was saying, "Wisdom teeth are just extra teeth. Your mouth does not need them, and it doesn't have room for them. You see, your jaw opens like this," He put his wrists together like a hinge and opened and closed his hands.

"The wisdom teeth grow right at the hinge of the jaw, and since they can't grow straight up, they grow sideways and push against your molars." He gives another demonstration by pushing his fingertips in to the palm of his other hand.

"It can be very painful, so that's why we remove them, not to mention they can make your pretty teeth crooked."

Hailey nods as he goes over the basics of the procedure. He tells her that they will numb her with general anesthesia and then they will put her out with some gas. She doesn't look any less nervous that she did before.

He pulls out an x-ray of Hailey's teeth. They're perfectly straight and James can see where she has three cavities. He smiles. He doesn't have any, Brooke Diamond would never let him eat enough sweets to get one as a child and she sure as hell made sure that he brushed his teeth for a full three minutes. She might run a cosmetics business, but who cares about perfect skin when your teeth are yellow, rotting and crooked. James was supposed to take over the company one day. Whenever Brook decided to step down, but James doubted his biological mother would ever step down until she was forced to, by health or old age, or death. James was in no hurry to inherit the business, he had enough of his own revenue stream, and taking any more would just be selfish really. He'd already decided that he would take the business public, keep most of its share hold so that he was still the primary owner but sell enough so that he didn't have to run the business himself.

"You see this line?" Thomas Nguyen was saying, "That's your nerve, if the teeth are too close to the nerve we can't remove them because if the nerve is damaged part of your face could be paralyzed, permanently numb. Luckily for you though," he continues, "yours is perfectly distanced so that we should not run into any trouble."

Hailey nods and Thomas Nguyen smiles a crinkly eyed smile at her. "Now, I will take you to the room we'll perform the procedure in, and I'll give your boyfriend the prescription for your antibiotics and pain medicine."

"Okay." She says. She doesn't correct him and tell him that James isn't her boyfriend and if she isn't going to do it, James sure as hell isn't.

The dentist writes a prescription and hands it to James. The procedure will take about forty-five minutes, which gives James time to go pick up her prescription. It's for amoxicillin and vicodin.

Hailey reaches for his hand before a dental assistant leads her away. James gives her a reassuring squeeze, an understanding smile and a nod.

He goes to get her prescriptions. He's only back in the lobby for five minutes before Thomas Nguyen comes out to tell him that she's all finished. Everything went well, and on his way out one of his assistants will give him the care package. He follows Dr. Nguyen to the back room where Hailey is.

She's lying in the chair, her eyes are closed, and her cheeks are already beginning to swell, but it might just be from the gauze that she has to keep in her mouth until her mouth stops bleeding. It'll be like that for at least three days.

He rests his hand on top of hers and he sees her twitch slightly. James gets the care package and puts everything in the glove compartment of his car, and then he goes back for Hailey. He slips one hand under her knees and the other secures around her back. She leans into him, resting her head on his chest. James likes the feel of having her in his arms.

One of the ladies behind the desk opens the door for him, and James has left the passenger's side door open so that he can just slip her in. once he sets her down he reclines that chair so that it'll be more comfortable for her. Then he gently reaches over and hooks her seatbelt.

James leaves Hailey in the car and goes ahead to prepare for her. He pulls the blankets on her bed back, lays down some towels over her blankets and props the front door open with a chair so there's no struggle when he carries her in.

He picks her up and easily carries her up the three flights of stairs before her apartment. What good is all that working out he does if he can't carry one hundred or so pound up a few flights of stairs?

He lays her down in her bed and pulls the covers up to her chine. Before they left the hung dark blankets over the windows her Hailey's room so it would be easier for her to sleep. He brushes hair from her face, and he feels her hands take one of his. Her eyes are still closed, but she's clutching his and she tugs gently.

James feels a smile creep up and he climbs on to the bed and curls up next to Hailey. He leaves his hand in hers and rests his arm on her side. Her back is pressed against his chest, and every breath that James takes, he's inhaling the sweet scent of Hailey.

He lies there with her until he knows that she's asleep again, her breathing deep and even. But James can't bring himself to leave.

He wakes her up three hours after he's brought her home. It's dark in the room so he can't really see her face until they get into the light of the bathroom. Her cheeks are twice the size of normal, and James really tries his best not to laugh. She's barely lucid, but he has to ask her some questions.

"Is your face still numb?"

She nods.

"I have to give you your pills and change your gauze. Do you think you can swallow the pills?"

She gives tired shrug.

"Open up." He tells her and tilts her head back. She's sitting on the toilet seat because her legs are wobbly and James had to support her while walking from the bedroom to the bathroom.

She does as she's told and suddenly James wonders why he volunteered to do this. The gauze in her mouth is so drenched with blood that it looks back. But James has never been the queasy type, so while it's gross, it's nothing he can't handle.

He washes his hands and rubs rubbing alcohol on them to sterilize because plastic gloves be damned, he can never put them on without a struggle.

He reaches in with two fingers and pulls the first piece of gauze out and tosses it in the trash. It leaves a trail of blood and saliva on Hailey's chin. But she can't even feel it because her whole face is numb, she's so helpless, she's depending on James to take care of her. Now he remembers why he offered. If he hadn't she'd be depending on Elliot.

Once the gauze is out, he replaces them with new gauze, gives her some water and her two pills. She swallows them without a struggle and then James is leading her back to her bedroom. She slips back into bed and is asleep again within moment. James takes this opportunity to look through the kitchen to see what food she's gotten for herself. Except when he opens the fridge there are only three containers of yogurt and two Jell-O cups. He opens her cupboards and finds she only has chunky soup, like clam chowed and chicken noodle.

James has to go to the store. He doesn't want to go alone though, so he calls Logan. Kendall and Jo are meeting with a wedding planner today; Camille went with them seeing as she is the maid of honor and Carlos has his first day of physical therapy.

"What's up?" Logan asks.

"Want to go to a grocery store with me?" James asks almost laughingly. They haven't been to an actual super market in a long time. Mama K always did all the shopping. James only knows where one is because Hailey lives in a very suburban area. Lots of neighborhoods and shopping centers.

It turns out that Logan is already in the area, so he just drops by Hailey's apartment to pick James up, there's no need to take two cars.

James kneels by Hailey's bedside and tells her that he's going to run to the store to get her some food. She nods with her eyes closed and James can't help himself, he kisses her forehead and then shuts the door behind him gently.

Logan's escalade is cool from all the air conditioning and he's playing some upbeat summer music . James climbs into the front seat and directs Logan to the store.

"How's she holding up?" Logan asks.

James shrugs, "She's sleeping, looks like a chipmunk."

Logan laughs, "I remember when you had your teeth pulled."

The grocery store amazes them. They haven't been in so long, their like little children running around the store touching things they shouldn't and getting scolding looks from the other more mature adults in the store. They compose themselves after getting a very pointed look from the store's manager.

Logan is just throwing stuff in the cart, whether Hailey will be able to eat it or not. He says that it'll be the food that helps her gain back what she loses while she can't eat. James says that's cool as long as he's paying.

Looking through the yogurt, James wonders what kind Hailey likes and he thinks to himself; if only they had a hamburger flavored one.

They buy oatmeal and cream of wheat. Every different kind of soup as long as it doesn't have any noodles in it. Then James realizes that maybe they should buy some noodles, because they're soft when they're cooked right, and as far as he knows they're easy to make as well. Just add some tomato sauce, or whatever and wah lah, a gourmet meal.

Logan takes him back to Hailey's apartment and wishes him the best of luck in taking care of her. James takes all the groceries up and tries to figure out where they go.

The next time, James wakes her up to take her pills he asks if she's hungry but she shakes her head. James furrows his brows, he's worried about her. She's already so tiny. Losing weight could be bad for her. But he doesn't force anything on her. He doesn't change her gauze either, he isn't supposed to for another few hours, changing it too often could make the clotting process take longer. He does take an ice pack and put it under the towel that's draped over her pillow. It's too help the swelling.

He's about to leave the room, when Hailey calls to him, mouth full of gauze, words barely understandable. "Sing to me." She says.

James takes his place on the bed where he'd laid before and runs his fingers through the loose strands of hair. And he obliges her, he begins to sing Hey There Delilah, but his own rendition, one where it talks about California instead of New York and the name is Hailey instead of Delilah.

The first two days all Hailey does is sleep. Which is okay with James, that's normal. He does force her to eat soup at least once a day though.

On the third day, Hailey is awake, and James helps her from her bed to the couch. He only slept on it once since he's been there. She's been asking him to stay with her while she sleeps.

He turns on the TV for her and gives her the remote while he's in the kitchen trying to figure out how the hell to make cream of wheat. He's never done anything like this before. He doesn't know that the flames on the stove shouldn't come out farther than the edges of the pot; he doesn't know that he's supposed to sir so that it won't stick. He's clueless, but he's determined.

He brings the mush to her and she looks down at it and laughs. Talking is easier for her now. "This looks delicious."

"Hey," James says, insulted, "I worked really hard on this."

She smiles and James can see the white gauze in her mouth. "Can you bring me some cinnamon and sugar?"

He huffs and goes back to the kitchen. He's learned where she keeps different things now. He sits next to her, watching her as she watches TV and tries to eat. He finds himself smiling as she makes different faces, it's a challenge to eat without getting the food all over the gauze, he'll have to help her change it after this.

"Thank you." She says. "For taking care of me."

He shrugs, "It's been fun. I now know how to make instant oatmeal, cream of wheat and canned soup."

She laughs. "I'll teach you some more elaborate things once I can eat again."

But by the time she'll be able to eat normally again, he'll be on tour. He'll miss her first hamburger. And the thought of that kind of sucks.

"Hey, Logan and the guys have been bugging me about meeting you. Are you, you know, down to meet them?"

Hailey nods looking pleased. "I'd love to."

"Logan also bought some food for you to eat when your mouth is better. He said it's the food you can eat to help you regain the weight you lose. It's mostly junk."

She smiles, "Tell him thanks."

James is packing up his things because he's run out of clothes and he needs to get some clean ones. Hailey was supposed to be sleeping, but she pokes her head from her bedroom and says, "Are you leaving?"

"I'm out of fresh clothes."

"Are you coming back?" she asks.

Their eyes meets and he counters with , "Do you want me to?"

She bites her lower lip and looks down. Then she nods and says, "Yeah, I do."

"Then I'll be here when you wake up."

She leaves the room and comes forward, she hugs him which surprises James, but he eases into her touch and put his arms around her as well. Everything felt right in that moment. Life was good. Hailey made him feel complete.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I didn't want to drag out her three days, so I condensed them. The next chapter will be Hailey meeting the boys. Exciting!

Review please!


	14. You Got It Bad

**A/N: **I lied, Hailey will not be meeting the boys in this chapter. That will be the next one lol. I forgot that I wanted to put this chapter in. Sorry! Also, I am sorry that this chapter took so long. It's been a busy weekend, concerts , birthdays, stuff like that. Trying to party before school starts up.

Chapter Rating: M

(I think the scene is a bit more explicit that those of the last chapters. Just a warning.)

Enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen – You Got It Bad<strong>

_You got it, you got it bad if you miss a day with your friend, your whole life's off track… You got it bad when you're out with someone but you keep thinking about somebody else, you got it bad._

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><p>For the first time in almost an entire month, James is sitting alone at eight with nothing to do. He's bored, stumped, got nothing to do. He doesn't feel like drinking, he doesn't feel like going out, which is so weird; James doesn't feel like doing anything.<p>

He's trying to come to terms with the fact that he only has eight days before he's off on tour for three months, and Hailey has decided to go to Davenport with Shane to see their parents for five of those eight days. He's not going to lie, he's upset. Hurt even.

James gets that those are her parents, that Hailey's family isn't fucked up the way his is. Her parents still talk to each other, hell they live together. They love each other. The thought of which makes James snort and get his ass up off the couch, he's suddenly in a drinking mood.

He gets out the Jack Daniel's, and fills up his glass almost to the brim, he'll drink it all too. Then fill up his cup again.

What the fuck does anyone know about love? It isn't fucking real.

"Dude, what's going on?" Carlos is the one that walks in on him just as he's begun to gulp the alcohol down. It burns so good.

James gives a slight shrug. "Care for a drink?"

"I don't need another night in the hospital." Carlos replies holding his hands up. His arm is still in a sling, but it's out of the cast. He isn't supposed to use it much yet. He sits down next to James and takes the smallest sip from his glass. He passes it back, James chugs it.

Carlos shakes his head. "Don't drive anywhere." Then he's off out of the kitchen again. James is left alone to drink the night away. Which he does.

Hailey has been gone for two days now, which means that he still has three days left without her. He doesn't like this, her being gone. He doesn't like that she chose to leave especially when James is so close to leaving as well.

But James also doesn't like the fact that he's feeling so attached. This distance that she's put between them is a good thing, whether James likes it or not. He surrounded himself with her, he was suffocating himself. Hailey never forced herself on him, never tried to control him, in fact she was hardly ever the one who initiated any of the time they spent together. James just liked being around her, so he tried to do that as often as possible. James realizes that for once, he might be the one more invested in the relationship. He isn't quite sure how he feels about that.

The diabolical, non-believer, murdered of the heart, side of him is telling James that this is bad. That he should end things now before they go too far and he ends up hurt, more fucked up than he already is. But this other side of him, the side that optimistic just tells him that he's having fun. That this thing with hailey isn't anything serious, that it's just two friends having fun and the fact that James is physically attracted to her just makes things a lot more fun. It's all _fun_, there is nothing serious going on between the two of them and the moment that things start to get serious, James can just pack it up and say goodbye like he's done to everyone else.

And then, there's this tiny, whispering voice in the back of his head that just keeps says that he hasn't felt this way before, that Hailey isn't every other girl he's fucked around with or dated for publicity, this girl has become one of his best friend, she is someone that makes him happy.

And that scares him. What if he can't bring himself to leave when things get serious? Hell, she's gone for five days and he's spent one day moping and the next night getting fucked up by himself, which is still kind of considered moping. If James can't bring himself to leave her alone right now when they aren't even a couple, what will happen when things get too deep? When the word love is being said or suggested, what would he do when that day came?

He would have to leave. He could never love her. Like her, want to be with her, but love her? He couldn't.

When he thinks this though, Elliot's perfect fucking prince charming charade comes in to his mind and he imagines him riding in on a horse. James also imagines the he pulls Elliot off the horse and beats his face to a pulp, until it's unrecognizable. Like in Fight Club, when Edward Norton beats the shit out of Jared Leto.

The thought of it gets him riled up, and he's off to the home gym to beat the shit out of a punching bag, but pretend its Elliot.

When he's done, before he even hits the shower, he call Hailey, because everything he's thought of before is gone. The work out cleared his mind and all he wants to do is talk to her.

"Hi James." She says and James can hear the smile in her voice.

He's automatically smiling, her voice just triggers the muscles in his face, he doesn't have a choice, he has to smile when he hears her talk.

"What're you doing?" he asks.

"Mmm. I'm sitting on the beach. Got my toes in the sand and a song in my head."

James laughs slightly and he's imagining her up there on the northern coast of California, wearing a sweater because it's cool enough there even in the summer. "What song?"

"One of yours actually."

"Really?"

"Which one?"

"If I ruled the world."

"I'd dream out loud."

She laughs, "It's weird to hear you sing on the radio. I never dreamt that I'd ever know anyone famous."

"You live in LA you were bound to meet someone eventually."

She says something to agree with James and then he can hear her humming. He knows that it's the tune of their song and so he asks what part she's thinking of.

"I keep rapping with Iyaz over and over again. If the cops ever try and pulls us over, we can tell them hey Mr. Officer we own ya."

James laughs and he wishes he was there with her.

The four boys are out at a party. It's a rager. There's famous people and there's not so famous people, but it's one of those parties where the lights are too low and the drinks are too strong for anyone to actually care. The guys are wild and the girls are willing.

For once it wasn't James's idea to come out. It was Kendall's. The three other boys decided James need to get off his ass because all he'd done for the past three days was eat, sleep, work out and drink his liver closers to cirrhosis.

The party won't help with cirrhosis but at least he'll stop hitting the damn punching bag. James doesn't need to hit any harder than he actually does. People are always surprised if they're lucky enough to hit by _James Diamond_. Sure he's ripped, but he's such a pretty boy, everyone expects him to be a pansy. But James Diamond will hesitate to kick no one's ass. He will get straight into it, fist to face and they'll be on the ground, K.O.'ed before they even know what happen if they're lucky.

The wrestling matches between the boys always end in submissions and tap outs because James is a fucking beast. But all of the boys love a challenge, so till this day they still roll around on the floor like idiots and try to get a good hit in on James. They all know better than to his the face though.

James slips easily into the party atmosphere and he loses sight of his friends quickly. They've always cramped his style when it came to the party scene. Kendall is such a light weight, and Logan is way too committed to Camille to ever have any other girl draped over his shoulder, and Carlos is just so not smooth. Though James has been helping with that.

He's got a drink in his hand, raised high into the air as some girl who didn't even bother with her name, is rubbing her ass against his crotch. The hand that isn't in the air is too far down her thigh. The girls back is pressed into his chest, but then she turns and she's basically riding on his leg, she wraps one hand around his neck and pulls his head down so that his lips crash against hers. It's brutal and rough, he's pretty sure one of them is bleeding, but which doesn't matter, because the music is too loud and there's too much poison flowing through his veins. His pulse feels like it's in rhythm with the base of the song that's playing, some remix of a hit song with some dub-step added, it's pounding in his ears but all he can pay attention to his how smooth the roof of her mouth is, the feel of her hands down the front of his pants while they're in the middle of the dance floor. James doesn't know how or when she made her move, but all he knows is that now she's got her fist wrapped around his dick. Not much else matters.

They slink off somewhere where the music isn't as loud and there's no one else but them. James is lost in the moment; he's reverted back to his old self. All he cares about right now, is getting his jeans off, and then pulling her dress up. He's betting himself that she isn't wearing panties.

There's barely any light in the room, but James can see her sly grin as she steps away from him and slowly pulls his shirt up, he helps her out and takes it the rest of the way off. She doesn't waste time; the nameless girl is immediately kissing, sucking, and touching his torso, one hand palming him through his jeans.

She hooks her fingers in to the belt loops of his jeans and tugs on them, looking up at him with lust filled eyes. James keeps his hands out of the way and lets her do as she pleases because, fuck, it feels so good, and he's pretty sure he's got to be fulfilling some kind of fantasy that she's always had about him. James is like a walking orgasm, it wouldn't be normal for a straight girl to not fantasize about him. He'd kissed Camille before, and then there was that one time that all the Palm Woods kids got drunk and played Truth or Dare, Jo admitted that if she wasn't dating Kendall she'd fuck James. Sometimes James wonders why his friends are still friends with him. But he's about to get fucking laid and asking philosophical questions is not what she should be doing.

She pulls his jeans down all the way, helps him step out of them and then discards them somewhere in the dark room; he'll have to find a light later for sure. Then she pulls down his boxers painstakingly slow. It's like torture. The cool air hits his sensitive skin and all he wants is to fuck into her mouth. He spits out long streams of profanity as she finally touches him. It's soft, experimental at first, but soon she's getting into gear and his head is slick with her saliva. It occurs to him that he'll have to find his jeans for a condom later unless she's got one somewhere. His hands are tangled in her hair, pulling a lot harder than necessary as she sucks him off. But who gives a fuck? Every time he pulls she moans with his dick in her mouth and it feels heavenly. Her cheeks are hollowed and he's hitting the back of her throat now, there's no hint of a gag reflex and shit, that's kind of sort of really hot. She's got one hand gripping his bare thigh while the other is pumping in time with the bobbing of her head, James is close, and fuck close, he shoots down her throat without any warning.

He watches as she licks her lips and then wipes her mouth with the back of her hands.

"Condom." James manages to grunt out, he hears the unmistakable sound of a condom wrapper ripping, and then he feels hands on his manhood once again. She slides it on and James is ready to go again.

They end up on the floor and James doesn't even know what kind of room this is, but for the moment, he doesn't care. He'll be showering when he gets home anyways. Her breathing hitches when he slips in, and he closes his eyes for a minute, brain fluttering up and away. She wraps her legs around his waist, the heels of her feet digging into his ass, pulling him closer, pushing him in further. James grins into the sloppy kiss, there's way too much saliva being exchanged between the two, there's probably multiple strands between them when the pull apart to breathe, but he grins because he didn't have to take off any of her under garments, he knew she wasn't wearing anything.

Heels in his ass, nails digging into his shoulder, head thrown back, James's mouth on her collar bone, sucking, biting, leaving marks that she'll be able to brag about to her friends, they're this sweating heaving pile of limbs and bodily fluids. Slick with sweat, each other's saliva all over different parts of their bodies. The harder she digs her nails in, the harder James thrusts, the higher pitch of her moans James goes faster. They're both trying to get to a release and that's all that matters to James until she says his name.

"James, ah!" It's this loud scream followed by so many other unintelligible sounds and lots of "oh my gods" but James isn't drunk anymore when he hears his name. He's brought back to reality where he's having sex with a complete stranger, he doesn't even know her name and they're in a dark room, James has no idea what's in it, who's been there before him. He doesn't want to do this. He realizes. He wants to stop, find his pants and leave, because what the hell is he doing? He's so close to making things happen with Hailey, then she's gone for five days and he's fucking some drunk chick at a party, back to the same way he was before he even met Hailey? Truth be told it'd been two weeks since he had sex, and he hadn't been missing it because he'd been coming to learn that there's more to life than just sex. But here he was, on the floor, with his dick in some stranger.

He can't stop now. He's in the heat of the moment and she's expecting him to finish. So he does, he fucks her hard, trying to lose himself again, trying to forget his realization even if it's just for a moment. He wants his body to take over again. Eventually it does and he loses himself in bliss just after her body stiffens and she screams his name again, pleasure rippling through her.

James gets up and tries to find his pants as fast as he can.

"James Diamond." She says lazily. She's standing now, leaning against something, he can only see the outline of her body. "You do live up to expectation."

"Thanks." He tries to sound charismatic and suave like he enjoyed the sex he just had. While his body odes, his mind is not happy.

He finds his pants, and slips them on as fast as he can. He bids the girl adieu and is out of the dark and into the lights and sounds of the music again. He doesn't bother to search for Kendall, or Logan or Carlos; he just leaves feeling dirty and disappointed in himself.

"I have a publicity date."

"With who?"

"Jessica Bartlett."

"Ooh." Hailey says suggestively, "Sounds like a good time."

James feels so guilty. He doesn't have to tell Hailey what he did the night before, but mostly he doesn't want to. He doesn't want her to think badly of him. James is planning on making them something official before he leaves. What would she say when he brings up the topic if she knows that just days before he was fucking some chick whose name he didn't even know, he couldn't even remember her hair color.

"Probably won't be."

James doesn't even like Jessica's music. She's this pop star from Seattle and all her music sounds so generic. She can sing, but none of her songs have any meaning. Big Time Rush isn't exactly as deep as the Foo Fighters or John Mayer, but come on, this chick sings the same song with different lyrics. Not to mention she uses way too much auto tune. James detests the tool.

"Why do you sound so down?" She's so perceptive.

"I did something I shouldn't have." He says quietly.

"Did you have sex with someone?"

James takes the phone from his ear and looks at it, how the hell does she know? Is James that obvious? How does she get sex from doing something wrong? To James sex is never supposed to be wrong. But last night it was.

"Yeah."

"Why does that mean you did something wrong?" He notices how her voice changes. It doesn't sound hurt, and it doesn't sound like she's upset, it's just calm. Even. And that's how he knows he shouldn't have said anything. Her voice is always happy, calm and even might as well be the same thing as broken hearted and crying. She always talks like that right before she's about to cry during a movie or something.

"You and I aren't dating-"

James is sick of that answer, so he cuts her off. Not dating my ass, they might not be official but they sure as hell are doing something like dating. "But I want to be dating."

Hailey doesn't answer and James isn't quite sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

"We can talk about that when I get back." She says quietly.

"Okay."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Tomorrow seems like too long though. James will probably spend the day circling the airport waiting for her plane to land.

James dresses nice for his date. Armani suit, pressed white dress shirt, black tie. His hair is combed neatly back and to the side. He looks pretty fuckable, but last night he realized that there's only one person he wants to get down and dirty with, and he probably won't be able to do that for at least three months. For a moment, standing there, looking in the mirror, he wonders how he will survive without sex for three months. He went for two weeks and really didn't miss it, but that was because he spent every night feeling just as good while being around Hailey. He looks down at his right hand and at his crotch in the mirror. He figures that Mr. Righty and James Jr. will become good friends.

Jessica Bartlett is tall without heels and with them she stands at eye level with James. She's pretty, big brown eyes, tan skin, bright smile. Her hair is silky and dark. She's charming enough and very even-tempered when the paparazzi are flashing cameras in their face as they exit the limo. They're at the same restaurant that James went to the day after he met Elliot with all his friends.

She's wearing a short green dress, but while it's short, it's conservative as well, after her main fan base consists of children from 7 and up. Much like Big Time Rush when they started out, and then people discovered that they were really hot and it was no longer just screaming twelve year olds. It was screaming sixteen year olds, twenty year olds.

They walk arm and arm into the restaurant and take the elevator up to the right floor. They're seated immediately because Katie made them reservations.

They sit across from each other and James is really trying to pay attention to Jessica, because she's nice and he doesn't want to seem like a dick, though he totally is one.

"Don't you just love the California weather? It's always so cold and overcast in Seattle, I love living in L.A."

"Yeah," James says, "After being here, I don't see how anyone could ever go back to Minnesota."

Jessica starts to talk about stuff that James should really find interesting because she's smart. She's not just some idiotic or ditzy pop star. She's got a brain. But his mind just isn't in the conversation. He's wondering about what Hailey felt when he admitted to sleeping with someone. It wasn't like he had actually cheated on her, but it felt like it. She had to be hurt, she had to be disappointed in him. When she said that they could talk about them dating when she got back, did she already decide to tell him no? Had he just ruined any and all chance of them? He found himself praying that he hadn't.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear anything I said?"

He looks at her blankly, she'd been talking?

She smiles at him.

"I'm sorry Jessica, I'm just- well, distracted."

"Is it a girl?"

"Am I that obvious?"

"I'm not trying to be conceited, but I'm a pretty good looking girl, not to mention I'm smart and funny," She winks at him, "and you aren't here at all. You've got to be thinking about another girl, unless you're gay. Which, I'm guessing you aren't."

James laughs, "Nope, not gay. It is a girl."

"What's she like?"

"She's fucking amazing. We aren't even dating."

Jessica is smiling and she shakes her head slightly, "you've got it bad James." She says in a sing-song voice.

"As if I didn't know."

"Well," she says, "I was actually kind of hoping that this would go somewhere, because you're one fine man."

"I'm sorry Jessica, I know that-"

"Relax James; this was a publicity stunt anyways. We'll tell the press it was a friendly outing and then you and you're lady friend can work it out."

"You know," James says, "I'm pretty sure that I would like you a lot if I weren't so-"

"In love?"

James freezes, what? Love? No. In like, yes.

He laughs, "I wouldn't say love."

She shrugs, "Give me a call if things don't work out between you two."

"I'll be sure to do that."

At home, James is turning over the word Love in his head. Love is destructive, it's painful, it makes people turn cold and hard, it makes people regret. James doesn't want to end up like either of his parents and the only way he can avoid that is to avoid love all together. So he decides, that he can be with Hailey, but the moment love gets thrown into the picture, he'll leave.

He has to.

**A/N:** So, I think God is frowning down upon me from heaven for writing that sex scene. I bashfully admit that I have been reading some random smut to try and improve my own skills. Blush, lol.

_ANYWAYS,_ hope you liked it. Will James be able to keep his promise to himself? Gasp, you have to read on to find out. The next chapter probably won't be up till late Sunday or sometime Monday, maybe even Tuesday. Got things to do!

Lol, love you all, review!


	15. Stuck

**A/N: **Yay, so _now_, Hailey will meet the boys. Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, you guys are great, reviews are my fuel for life. Lol.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen – Stuck<strong>

_I would scream to the world, they would see you're my girl, but I just keep getting stuck, stuck, but I'm never giving up. In the middle of a perfect day, I'm tripping over words to say. 'Cause I don't want to keep you guessing, but I always end up getting stuck._

* * *

><p>James decides that he kind of, sort of, pretty much hates Katie.<p>

Well, at least for right now he does. You see, Hailey's flight from San Francisco was supposed to be arriving in Los Angeles around four in the afternoon. James had already promised her that he would be there, he would be the one to pick her up. But no. Katie says that Cuda needs him to film a commercial. And it needs to be done _today_.

Fuck Cuda. He doesn't want to do a damn commercial, he wants to be a the fucking airport to pick up Hailey and then go home to her apartment and eat apple sauce with her because the most solid food she can eat are noodles and bananas.

But he can't not do the commercial. He's the face of Cuda. It's his obligation. If they need him to do a photo shoot, he has to do it. If he has to pretend to take a shower and wash his hair and body with Cuda products (which is what he has to do in this commercial), he has to do it. They are paying him millions of dollars after all.

He mumbling curse words and he gets into the back of the limo with Katie begrudgingly. Stupid commercial. Stupid Cuda. Stupid Katie. Stupid everything!

"Stop acting like a twelve year old you asshole and go do this damn commercial. Then you can go get your little girlfriend." Katie tells him finally looking up from her PDA.

"Just because she's short you don't have to call her little." He says just to be irritating and difficult.

"Fuck you." Katie says flatly. "You still call me mini K and I'm five eight."

James laughs slightly. Katie is such a no nonsense type of person. She doesn't take anyone's bullshit. It's probably why James wouldn't ever consider another manager. They'd let him do whatever the fuck he wanted instead of what he'd needed to do. Katie keeps him in check, makes sure that he doesn't screw up his career somehow. Even though James isn't Carlos and he cares way too much about his fame to actually do anything to hinder him from getting even more famous. He'd like to be more famous that Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp combined one day. With Katie's help, he'll probably get there too.

"Sorry." James says still chuckling lightly.

"It's no big deal." Katie says with a shrug, she still isn't looking at him. She furrows her brows and then she does actually look up at him away from the small hand held device in her hands. "But what's the big deal about this girl?"

James wants to tell Katie that it's everything about her. From the way her hair falls, to the skeptical looks that she always throws in his direction. It's the way she bites her lower lip when she wants to say something important, but isn't quite sure how. It's the way she dreams of something so humble, it's the way she believes so firmly in something James just can't understand. It's the way she hums to every song on the radio, and closes her eyes like the world has just disappeared when James sings to her. It's the way she runs her finger tips over the black ink on her arm sometimes, and just looks at it like she knows, one day she will find someone to love her the way love is supposed to be. Everything about Hailey is beautiful and amazing. The light freckles across her face, the blonde tips of her eyelashes when she isn't wearing mascara, her perfectly shaped lips, and naturally soft hair.

But James can't say all of this out loud. Instead he shrugs, "She's just different."

And that's a good way to put it. Because Hailey really is different. She's different from any other girl that James has ever met. She's so down to earth but at the same time she's got her head stuck in the clouds. She doesn't care about his fame or his money, none of that interests her. She could care less about the mundane. To Hailey, happiness comes from within. And James is beginning to see that she has a point.

"How long is this going to take?" James asks.

Katie shrugs. "If you do what you need to do maybe just a few hours."

James internally groans and leans his head against the window of the limo. Last night he'd had to call Hailey and let her know that he wouldn't be able to be there. She'd been fine with it, said she understood, but James was mad, irritated. He wanted to be there for her. She said she'd make other arrangements; maybe Melissa could pick her up. But James knew that she was just saying that. Elliot would be the one that was there at the airport. He'd be the one who got to take her back to her apartment and eat the applesauce and make her noodles. Fucking Elliot.

Once he's out of the limo and at the studio, he's getting briefed by the director. The commercial is supposed to follow him as he leaves a house, gets in a cab, ends up at a party, parties, gets in another cab, and gets in the shower. Then of course, uses Cuda.

The set is ready and everything is in place, the people are where they need to be. James heads over to make-up. He doesn't expect this to take longer than a few hours. He should be at Hailey's an hour after she gets home.

* * *

><p>It's midnight before James gets off set.<p>

He knows that he should just go home, but he ends up at Hailey's doorstep. He leans his forehead against the wooden door. He just wants to see her. It's all he wants. She can turn him away, tell him to go home, but as long as he gets a glimpse of her face, he'll be okay.

"James?" She opens the door and looks up at him with squinted tired eyes.

When he sees her, he feels like he's frozen in place. There's something different as he looks at her now. He feels his heart thundering in his chest, he can hear it pulsing through his ears. There's something different than the last time he saw her. It's not bad, but James doesn't know what to make of it, or what to call it. He's just stuck where he stands.

"What are you doing here? It's almost one."

"I-" He's lost for words. Why is he there? He just wanted to see her. But what would she say if he told her that? "I-" What can he tell her but the truth? "I just wanted to see you."

He notices that her face softens. "I'm going to your house tomorrow."

"I couldn't wait."

Hailey places her hand softly against James chest and she grips the materially slightly. Then she turns and pulls him in to the darkness of her apartment. James shuts the door behind him, and slips out of his shoes. She goes back to her room and James sits on the couch. She let him in which meant she'd let him stay over. James unbuttons his shirt and folds it. Jeans and a wife beater are okay for him to sleep in. Just as he lays his head against the pillow, he hears Hailey says, "Where are you?"

"Couch."

"No." she says, "come here."

It's like slow motion when James gets up off of that couch and walks to Hailey's bedroom. She's already back in her bed. James pulls the covers back and slides in next to her, she presses her back against his chest, and he rests his chin on top of her head. She fits just perfectly there and James likes the feel of her weight against him. He likes the warmth of her body and smoothness of her skin as he wraps his arm around her while they spoon.

"Will you sing to me?" She asks in a barely audible voice. She's tired, barely awake, but James will do whatever she asks of him.

So he sings to her. He sings low and soft, his lips whispering against her silky hair. He feels her breathing get heavy and even. He knows she's still out, but he finishes his lullaby. Then he closes his own eyes and falls asleep feeling more at home that he did in his own house.

When James wakes up, he's alone in Hailey's bed, still clothed, and he's just fine with that. He stares up at the ceiling, then he turns over and presses his face into Hailey's pillow and breathes in deeply. It smells like her shampoo, and it's clean and refreshing. Now they'll be hints of Cuda and that fact satisfies James quite a bit.

He gets up and Hailey's in the kitchen. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and she yawns before she notices him. She smiles and says, "Thanks for the lullaby."

James is surprised she remembers but he returns the grin and says, "Anytime."

"What time am I supposed to be at your house?" She asks boosting herself to sit on the counter top. James enters the kitchen and leans against the opposite counter top.

James shrugs, "One-ish."

"It's eleven."

"Shit." James says, "I should go home. Get ready, I'm sure they all have stuff for me to do."

"What exactly is going on today?"

"It's a barbeque, type thing, I guess."

Hailey frowns. "I can't eat."

James laughs, "I'll make you some fruit salad."

"Can you handle that?" She teases with a grin. James glares at her.

"No apples." She tells him. "Too hard for me to eat." She exaggerates a fake chew.

James shakes his head and smiles. "Okay."

He exits the kitchen and finds his folded shirt. He shrugs it on and Hailey leans against the couch. "Why are you leaving?"

"I need to take a shower, and I want to be ready before you get there. I don't trust any of them around you."

Hailey smiles, "I am a big girl."

"That's what you think."

"What am I in for?"

"An interrogation."

Their eyes meet and James feels like someone is gripping his heart. A tight fist is clenched around it. He needs to tell Hailey that he wants to be with her. She needs to know. They need to be established and he needs to know that when he's gone for three months, he won't come back and find Elliot in his place. He needs to know she'll miss him. He needs to mean as much to her as she has come to mean to him. He doesn't like that just looking into her eyes makes him feel so vulnerable, that her smiles makes the world fall away and her voice is like an angel's song.

He doesn't like that he's so attached. What is three months without her going to be like?

James opens his mouth to say something. Because when she comes over he wants to be able to welcome her into his home, hand in hand, and introduce her as his new girl. He wants to make them real right then, but the words are stuck in his throat.

"Hailey." He manages.

"James." She says. There's this look in her eyes. Like a glimmer of hope. Like she's waiting for James to say it, she's waiting for him to speak the words that are on his mind, she wants to hear him say it. And he notices how her face falls slightly when he says, "I'll see you in a few hours."

He had to say something; he couldn't just stand there with his mouth agape and no words voluntarily forming. Once he's out the door though, he internally groaning.

You idiot.

It's what he keeps telling himself on the drive home.

He hears everyone setting things up. He can smell food being prepared, but he avoids everyone. Today, Hailey would be meeting not only, Carlos, Logan and Kendall, but also, Mama Knight, Kenneth, Jo, Camille, Katie, Gustavo and Kelly. James can't help but wonder how Hailey will hold up. He knows that she's strong, but that's a whole lot of crazy to meet all in one day. Kenneth is probably the most normal of them all.

He takes his time in the shower, but he does keep in mind that he'll catch some hell if he doesn't at least try and help. So he heads down stairs in a pair of cargo shorts and a short sleeve black button up. He's only this casual at home. He wouldn't be caught dead out in public while wearing cargo shorts. No way in hell.

"Hey! Look who decided to show up!" Carlos punches James arm lightly as he carries something outside to their big backyard. There's a pool out there, and a basketball court, not mention an incredible porch built specifically for occasions like these.

"Hey." Katie says. She's in the kitchen as well. It's the first time in a long time that James has seen Kendall's little sister in anything other than a sleek black pencil skirt and blazer. She rocks it of course, but it's refreshing to see her in a pair of cut-off shorts and a t-shirt. Her hair is loose around her face and her smile looks brighter. Like a day off of being their manager, especially James's, is exactly what she needed. Her load has been lightened today. But Katie would never complain about her job, she loves it.

"What's going on, Katie?" he asks.

She shrugs and looks back, in the kitchen her frail mother is leaning over the stove. Jo is next to her with a wooden spoon in her hand looking with furrowed brows. James can hear Camille before he sees her. He turns and she and Logan are coming in from the outside.

He's greeted by each of them and gives Mama K a hug. But it's only pleasantries for a moment. He's getting put to work soon. After all the only reason that they are doing this is because everyone wants to meet Hailey and she is James's friend.

Outside Kendall and Kenneth are by the grill, each of them are dressed comfortably. "James!" Kenneth grins.

"Hey Ken." He smiles.

"Have you been sent outside?"

"The kitchen is occupied by women." James informs them. Kendall laughs, "My mom is trying to teach Jo how to cook _something_ but she's hopeless."

"It's not like your mom can cook either." Kenneth interjects. The three of them are laughing. It's a relaxed atmosphere and James feels like today is a good idea. He feels like Hailey will enjoy meeting everyone here and today.

Logan joins them and says, "Camille is trying to help."

"Good thing the fire department is on speed dial." Carlos says coming up from behind. They're all laughing again.

Carlos will be the one barbequing. Kenneth knows how, but none of the other boys do, except Carlos. And he's the best. He makes carne asada the same way his mother did back in Minnesota. Carlos has a bottle of beer in his hand. It's a little early to start drinking, but it's not like they'll be doing anything except eating and laughing today.

When one rolls around, James runs to the answer the door when it rings. But it's only Kelly and Gustavo. He tries not to act disappointed, but he wants Hailey to show already. Gustavo never really hugged any of the guys, so they settled for this awkward little man-shake they created while on tour. But James has no shame in wrapping his arms around pregnant Kelly. She's huge. But in a good way.

"Kelly, you look ravishing." James says waggling his eyebrows.

She grins with a light blush, accepting his compliment. She links arms with Gustavo and James leads them through the mansion. They make a pit stop in the kitchen so everyone can say hello, and then James takes them outside. Carlos hasn't started grilling yet, but he's firing it up, and cleaning it off. Kenneth is helping him out since his arm still isn't all that useable. He's been going to physical therapy, but he doesn't ever really talk about how it goes. Which James finds odd, because Carlos talks about everything all the time. He makes a mental note to ask about the sessions.

"So" Kelly says looking to James, "Any progress on that song?"

James laughs. "That song is never going to get written."

Gustavo turns to him, "Dog, you need to write that song."

"Why can't someone else?"

"Because it's been a while since you contributed to an album." Kelly says.

"No." James defends, "I wrote the music for three of the songs that are on our last album."

"But you haven't actually written any lyrics since 'Oh Yeah'." The pregnant version of Gustavo's assistant/wife points out.

James changes the subject. He's good at that, always has been, and it's east to do with Kelly, especially now, "So how far along are you?"

She squeals and Gustavo looks proud. James feels like he wants to vomit. But he listens. "Oh, little Natasha-" James hadn't known they were having a girl, but he lets her continue. She's probably told him before, and he probably tuned her out.

Kelly began to go on and on about the baby. James smiled, nodded when he was supposed to but, it wasn't like he cared about having kids. If he ended up with one, cool. If not, that was just the same, better even. Because he sure as hell wasn't ever going to marry the kids mom, so to save it trouble and spare the kid feels that James felt as a child, it was better that he never brought one into existence.

It would be easier that way. One day he would donate his fortune to a distant relative, or one of his friends, or a charity, something like that. Maybe to help breast cancer, give to Mama K's cause. But James didn't plan on dying for a while, so he'd figure it out when the time came.

"Oh, I feel so bad that we didn't make the baby shower sooner." Kelly was telling them that it was scheduled for the week after they left. James didn't mind. He would have gone if he would be in the country, but he wouldn't be, so it was all good. Baby showers were for chicks anyways.

"James!" Katie was half way out the sliding glass door. She was grinning evilly. "Your friend is here."

James shot up and wasn't even quite sure of what he said to Kelly, but he was practically sprinting into the house. Katie was smirking when he reached her. "She's cute."

James pushed past her, determined to find Hailey before-

"It's so nice to meet you, Jennifer." He heard Hailey's voice.

"Well, you are just too cute! Why James hasn't made a move yet is beyond me." She said probably not realizing he was closing in on them.

"Hailey! You made it, great." James said coming from behind Mama K and slid his arm around Hailey's shoulder.

"Hi there." She said smiling up at him. "The mansion is so beautiful, Jennifer." Hailey said returning her attention to Kendall's mom.

Mama K loved compliments, and Hailey, she was full of them. Mama K grinned and held up her hands saying, "Well what can I say? The boys bought it, but it was up to me to make it home-y."

"You most certainly did." James says to her and then he's whisking Hailey off to the kitchen, hoping that it's finally empty, but he should have known better. Kendall has Jo up on the counter top her legs are wrapped around his waist, and her arms around his neck. Their noses are touching and Kendall says something along the lines of, "That apron is so damn sexy."

"James!" Jo exclaims when she notices them, James just wanted to turn in the other direction, but Jo had stated multiple times that she was _so looking forward_ to meeting Hailey. She shoves Kendall away from her and slides off the counter top. She flattens the apron and tucks her golden hair behind her ear.

"This must be Hailey." Jo closes in and James has no chance of giving Hailey a pep talk, but it doesn't seem like she needs one. She's so at ease and James watches with amazement as she gracefully accepts Jo's hug. Kendall follows suit, and his ears are red from embarrassment, like they always get, but he gives Hailey a bear hug, lifting her up off the ground and telling her, "It's a pleasure to be re-introduced."

"The pleasure is all mine." Hailey counters and flashes one of her heart-breaking-ly beautiful smiles. James feels this strange sense of pride in Hailey when he sees Jo's eyes widen, and Kendall giving her this – almost nervous smile.

She's so damn beautiful. It's affecting them both. How could it not? Hailey was enough to make James want to be in a monogamous relationship. Something that had never happened before.

"Jo, Carlos wants the steaks-" Logan breaks off with a smile and says, "Hailey, so good to see you again."

She and Logan exchange a hug and he casually asks her how's she's been. She responds so easily, her voice is like velvet, just flowing so smoothly. She isn't nervous and there's not hitch, nothing off pitch, no cracks, or croaks. Hailey is just as smooth as James.

"Everyone else is outside," Logan tells her, "they're all pretty excited."

"I can't wait to meet them." She grins, then she looks up at James, "James has been warning me about you all for a while now."

"Are you scared?" Kendall asks and raises one of his thick dark eyebrows.

"Not at all," she says coolly, "I can't wait."

"Let's go." Logan motions for him to follow her but James grabs her wrist, "Can I talk to her first?"

Logan, Kendall and Camille all exchange looks and then shrug and head outside. James and Hailey are left alone in the kitchen, and James has this, he's so got this. He can _handle_ this. He can ask Hailey to be his girl, he can ask her to go steady, to go with him and any other form of asking a girl to date him. He's done it a million times, so why does he feel like he's pulling a Carlos?

"What's up?" She asks.

"I, um, well," he's stuttering. James mentally scoffs. Who is this girl to make this happen to him? He's never been like this before. He actually feels _butterflies_. What. The. Fuck.

James tries to pull himself together, and he's got it. But he doesn't. So instead, when he opens his mouth, he says, "You ready for this?"

It's there again, that look of disappointment. It's so subtle, barely visible. It's just a quick flicker in her eyes and the fleeting look of a frown. But it's there, and James sees it. Internally, he's beating the shit out of himself, because why the fuck is being such a pussy? Why can't he just man up and fucking ask?

"Yeah," she forces a smile, "Let's go."

She slips her hand into James's and she holds it until they reach the sliding door, then she lets go. She holds on arm with her hand and it pulls her loose fitting low-cut tank top a little too far down, but James keeps himself from looking, the last thing he needs is to pop a boner in front of all of his friends and not to mention Hailey. Because one glance would lead to him imagining what lies beyond, and that was never good.

"Guys." James says as they climb the few steps of the porch, he motions to Hailey, "This is Hailey. Hailey," he goes by pointing as he tells her the name of each of the people in the surrounding area. "This is Carlos, Camille, Kenneth, Mama K's new husband, Gustavo, our producer, and Kelly is wife/ assistant. That over there is Katie, you just met Jo and Kendall, and you've met Logan before."

Everything goes okay, she gets hugs from everyone, because handshakes aren't how they do things around the Big Time Rush family. Carlos chats her up with friendly conversation by the grill by a few minutes, and then she's telling Mama K and Kenneth about her family in Davenport. She tells Kendall she's a Shark's fan and he goes ballistic, James has to save her, but she's laughing, she could have taken him. She has a mildly long conversation with Logan about college, and then she's laughing with Jo and Camille like she's know them their whole lives. Like she was part of their clique back at the palm woods.

Then Hailey gets to Gustavo and Kelly. James sees how she looks different, how her eyes are a light with love and admiration. James hears her telling Kelly how beautiful she is, and how amazing she thinks that pregnancy is, how she can't wait to be a mother one day. That the miracle of giving life is all that she's ever wanted to experience.

James is smiling at her from just far enough away to hear the conversation. He doesn't entertain the thought of him and Hailey having a child together, because it was so unrealistic, if James did have a kid, it'd probably be an accident or adopted. But he does think of Hailey all tiny and petite with a huge belly and a certain glow added to her already bright beauty.

James wonders if he and Hailey will still be friends when she's married and pregnant. If he'll have a chance to see her child, because no matter who she has it with, it'll be beautiful. But then he sees Elliot holding the kid and he scowls internally. Would he be able to stand it if Elliot did end up the one standing there, waiting for her at the altar? Would he be able to stick around and be friends with Hailey, watch her kid grow up if he knew that it was Elliot's son or daughter?

"Dude." Carlos says. It's late and he's left the grill by now, but everyone is still eating. Then James realizes that Hailey hasn't eaten anything. He forgot to make her fruit salad, and all there is to feed on is steak.

"You look like you want to murder someone. Are you not happy with the way today is going?"

"What?" James says, "of course I am. I was just thinking."

"Hailey handles us like a pro. You were right when you said fame didn't intimidate her. Though I'm not sure how I feel about all of her sports decisions, I mean, she's a Giant's fan that lives in L.A. and she's an Raiders fan instead of a Vikings fan, and then of course she told Kendall she's pro Sharks."

James laughs, "You found all that out? I didn't even know she was a Giant's fan, or a Raiders fan for that matter."

Carlos shrugs, "She's great dude."

"I know."

"So why isn't she the new Mrs. Diamond?"

James shoots Carlos a look. That will never happen. Carlos laughs and pats James on the shoulder, "you know what I mean dude. Why are you acting like me? You're James fucking Diamond."

"As if I didn't fucking know that." James growls. "I don't know why. The words get stuck when I try and talk to her about it. She makes me so, so, so un-smooth."

Carlos laughs. James decides it's time for a topic change and says, "So how's physical therapy?"

Carlos doesn't respond at first, and then he smiles and says, "It's great."

Carlos is a terrible liar, which is why James knows he isn't. But the answer was strange. He gives James another shoulder pat and then he's off to tell Gustavo about something.

James makes his way to the kitchen then. He feels bad. Hailey must be starving, it's past six and she hasn't eaten anything since she arrived, maybe before. James riffles through the pantry and finds all of the ingredients that he did actually bother to look up.

Soon he's mixing everything together, but he has no idea what he's doing. He's asked exactly that though, Hailey is leaning against the kitchen door frame and she says, "What are you doing James?"

"I feel like such a douche." He said, "I promised to make you fruit salad and I totally forgot. So I'm doing it now. You must be starved."

"Ravenous, actually." She shrugs.

"Sorry. I'm working on it."

"What time does your flight leave tomorrow?"

"Eight." James says. "Hailey, will you-" he pauses unsure of what he's even asking her, but she cuts him off, "I'll be there."

When he's done, she eats the entire thing and he once again marvels at home small she is.

It's close to eleven when Hailey leaves. James wants to take her home, but he's leaving for tour well, tomorrow and he hasn't packed. Not to mention she drove her own car there which meant that if he drove her home he'd have to stay there. Katie put on her managers face and told him no.

He was walking her out, and James feels the urge again, he has to tell her. He has to make this, them real. He has to know that that mother fucker Elliot won't be slithering his way into Hailey's bed, or heart, or whatever.

She's leaning against the driver's side door of her black Acura and James is trying his best, but nothing is coming. He keeps opening and closing his mouth like a fish and Hailey actually laughs at him. She looks away though, down the dimly lit street, twisting her keys in her hands. She's biting her lower lip, she's waiting for James to say something.

He's waiting for him to say something too. But the words aren't coming, and so when Hailey looks up at him through those azure eyes and says, "I guess I should go. But hey, I'll be there to see you off tomorrow."

All James can do is nod and say okay. He accepts her embrace, holding on to her longer than necessary and then she's gone from his arms, climbing into her car, turning it on and driving down the street.

He's such a fucking idiot.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **James, James, come on bro! lol. So, how did you like it? Let me know. Sorry this took so long!

Reviews please!


	16. Nothing Even Matters

**A/N: **This chapter is a little bit shorter than the others. Sorry! But you'll like it, I promise. I changed my penname or whatever from rawr456 to legscheas, so don't wonder who that is if you have an alert for my stories, or I'm one of your favorite authors or something like that. :]

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Sixteen – Nothing Even Matters<strong>

_It's like a sound goes off and the people all freeze, they disappear and it's just you and me… 'Cause the world stops, when I put my arms around you, whoa, they can all talk, say what they want about us, but nothing even matters._

* * *

><p>His bags are packed; everything that is essential to his survival is put away neatly into one of his three suitcases. He's ready to go. But at the same time he's not.<p>

James Diamond spent most of the night wondering why the hell he was being such a little bitch and couldn't just man up. Why the hell couldn't he just tell Hailey? It wasn't supposed to last this long. The friendship stage, that is. James had been sure that he would have won her heart and possibly made his way into her pants by now when he first started hanging out with her. And now, an entire month later, James was infatuated and he still hadn't made his move.

And he knew, he knew that Hailey wanted him to. He could tell, it was written all over her beautiful face; it was there in her bottomless blue eyes. Every time he failed to make a move, he noticed her disappointment. All she wanted was to be with him, just like he wanted, so what the fuck was he doing?

He sits on his bed and flops backwards. It's five in the morning and his flight doesn't leave for another three hours. Which means that they're leaving for the airport soon, because with L.A. traffic, who the hell knows when they'll actually get there. James takes his bags down stairs; Logan, Kendall and Carlos are already there.

"Where's Mama K?" he asks. She always wishes them well and sends them off with a hug.

"On her way down." Kendall tells him after he yawns.

When he hears footsteps, he doesn't see Jennifer Knight but Jo and Camille coming down the stairs. James hadn't known that they stayed over, but he guesses that he should have figured. Kendall's fiancé snakes her arms around his waist and Logan rests his chin on Camille's shoulder.

He fucking wants that. With Hailey. She could have stayed here last night, but James had been too chicken shit.

Mama K eventually comes down stairs, Kenneth is holding her firmly and it looks like he's doing most of the work, holding her up, keeping her steady. She doesn't look well. James feels this tug on his heart and he doesn't want to go, he doesn't want to leave Mama K like this. He's worried about her and so is everyone else, it's written on the faces of everyone in the room.

When they reach the boys, Mama K lets go of Kenneth and she hugs each of the boys, kisses them on the cheek and sends them off with all of her love. A horn honks outside, it's the limo to pick them up.

Jo and Camille are coming with them to the airport, they have to bid their lovers farewell, don't they? James wants a lover to bid him farewell. He wants Hailey to bid him farewell. And just as soon as he gets in the spacious backseat, his phone vibrates. The message is from Hailey. She's just letting him know that she's on her way to the airport.

This is it, James tells himself, it's now or never. He has to do it this morning, because if he doesn't, she could fall into the hands of Elliot and that is not something that James can stomach. He fucking hates Elliot.

There's still traffic in L.A. at five the morning. It's ridiculous. James is just glad that he has an iPod with music and movies so that he can entertain himself. Traffic sucks. James hates driving in L.A.

They arrive and James has never been more anxious, except maybe when he auditioned in front of Gustavo. And that is definitely saying something. He takes his own bags and he's looking around for Hailey, anywhere, everywhere. He doesn't want to leave without saying goodbye to her at least. He can't. And then he sees her.

She's wearing a pair of gray sweats, a pull over hoodie that says the name of her high school in Davenport and the year she graduated. Her hair is up in that messy bun she always puts it in when she's feeling lazy and she's wandering, looking for him.

James leaves the rest of his companions where they are at baggage checking. He jogs lightly over to her and she smiles up at him tiredly. "G'morning."

"Hey sleepy." He feels his heart thudding against his ribcage. She lazily wraps her arms around his waist and leans into him for a hug, James doesn't let go. He walks back to his bags with her arms around his waist, and his arm around her shoulders. She fits so perfectly there.

The rest of the group greets her like she's been a part of the Big Time Rush family for a while now. James likes that they like her and he also likes that she likes them. He's hoping that maybe she will be a part of the Big Time Rush family for a while. At least for a little while.

Because it won't be forever. It can't be.

She stands by James's side through the whole thing, and they manage to get Hailey a pass to go with them through security. All James really has to do is flash a smile, but he also gives the woman an autograph and she's over joyed.

They sit by the Starbucks in the airport, it's quiet, and though there's people, they all seem to be feeling just as tired as the group of friends. Hailey is sipping some kind of mocha and she's leaning into James the same way that Jo is leaning into Kendall. And James has his arm around her the same way Logan has his arm around Camille.

They much on some of the muffins and other breakfast type things in the surrounding area, James and Hailey go to look at magazines while everyone else wanders through the airport as well. They have an hour before the flight and sitting, though they're all tired, isn't something that anyone wants to do.

"Are you excited to be back on tour?" She asks. She's more awake now, still sipping on her venti cup of coffee.

James nods, he is more or less, he'd be more excited if Hailey were already his girlfriend and he knew that she'd be waiting for him to come home to her. Then James is thinking why don't you fix the situation right now? But he still can't.

"You have to call me, you know, when you land. After every show. I want to hear about it. All of it." She tells him seriously.

James smiles, Hailey warms his heart. "I can do that."

"You think you can handle that? You won't get…_distracted_?" He knows what she's referring to and James is pretty damn sure that as of right now and probably a while back, Hailey is the only one who could _distract_ him.

"I promise."

"Don't make one you can't keep."

"I'll keep mine if you make me one." James says meeting her beautiful blue eyes.

"What would mine be?"

"You have to be here." James says, "You have to be here, waiting for me to come back. I don't care how many screaming fan girls there are the day our flight gets back, I want you here at the airport, waiting for me."

"I can do that." Hailey gives his own words back to him.

They're grinning at each other, and James is going to do it. He's finally going to do it, because it's then right moment. He's going to lean in, he's going to kiss her. Something he's wanted to do since the day they met.

"Excuse me." A man pushes past James and the moment is gone.

"We should probably get back to the terminal." Hailey tells him. James nods. Fuck.

Everyone else is already there. Carlos is standing alone to the side, because the other two couples are saying their _goodbyes._ James and Hailey take a seat, there aren't many people waiting for the flight, but James figures that more people will show soon. It's a flight to New York, they're doing one show there before they're off to the UK and other parts of Europe for a month, then they're in Asia for another, they finish off in Australia and head back to the states, doing multiple shows across the country before the finally make it back home to Los Angeles.

He wishes that Hailey could go with them, see the world, take it the beauty that is has to offer the way that James does whenever he has a moment to breather. But of course, the sights are always breathtaking, and so actually breathing on tour becomes hard to do, but it's what he loves. It what he thrives to do, what he lives for.

When they announce that the flight is boarding, James is right, more people show up and start boarding. He watches Carlos board, he watches Logan and Camille kiss goodbye, and hug tightly. He watches Kendall bring Jo's face close to his and whisper something sweet into her ear, and then he looks at Hailey. She's watching them as well, biting her lower lip.

"I should-"

Hailey nods. Except James hadn't meant to say that. He hadn't meant to look at the line and tell her that he should get in it now, he meant to tell her that he wants her, he meant to kiss her.

But Hailey nods and James brings her into his arms, hugging her tightly, lingering longer than he has too. When he lets go, Hailey crosses her arms and looks away. But she meets his eyes once he gets in the line, and she watches him as he moves forward.

And all James can think is what are you doing? Why are you leaving her like this? He's next in line; she's still there, standing next to Jo and Camille. The other two girls look just fine, they'll see their men soon, and they know that they won't be unfaithful. But Hailey just looks plain sad. She looks, well, heart-broken. And then James realizes what she might be feeling. What if she's thinking that James hasn't made a move because he doesn't want to? What if she thinks that her feelings for him are one sided.

It's not true.

James isn't in line anymore.

He takes Hailey into his arms, leaning down, he brings their lips together, and the world stops, everything freezes. James is kissing Hailey, and it's everything he ever wanted. He's not tired, his body is electrified, he feels alive and it's the first time kissing someone has made him feel this way since he got his first one. He has his arms around her waist, and she's up on her tip-toes with her arms wrapped around his neck. She's kissing him back, pulling him down, and he's pulling her closer. He doesn't want to let go. He can't get enough. He wants Hailey to keep holding him, to keep kissing him.

But eventually they need to breathe. That definitely wasn't how James planned to kiss Hailey for the first time. He wanted it to be soft, and sweet, gentle. But that kiss was like every feeling he'd ever had for Hailey since day one, all his pent up emotions poured in to one kiss. But Hailey doesn't seem to mind.

They're panting slightly and well, it's a little early for such a voracious kiss, but it was perfect, it was better than James could have ever imagined, because it was Hailey.

"This-" James says, "means that me and you are a thing, we're together, I'm your _boyfriend_. You understand, that douchebag better stay away from you."

Hailey laughs, it's such a magical sound, she knows who he's talking about. Elliot of course. "Okay."

"I have to go." He says.

She nods, but now she looks a great deal happier. He kisses her one last time and ignores the comments of the people around them and the looks he gets from Jo and Camille. When he gets on that plane, he sits down next to Kendall and is completely satisfied. Life is suddenly really good.

He knows, as their plane takes off, that Hailey is waiting down there with Camille and Jo, watching the plane as it goes. And James knows that she'll be there with them when they return.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **What you've all been waiting for, hopefully. The next chapter may take a few days, but don't worry it won't take too long.

To all my readers but non-reviewers, I'd love to hear from you. Please?

Reviews!


	17. Angel

**A/N: **Glad you liked the last one. :] So! I've been asked what drama will be coming up, well, let me just say, that I will let James and Hailey have their happiness for a while. The next couple chapters, well more than a couple probably, will be happy/love-dovey stuff lol. And then, after the wedding, all hell will break loose. Kind of. But that's all your getting for now!

All of your reviews make me smile. Till my cheeks hurt. Just an fyi.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seventeen – Angel<strong>

_I've got an angel. She doesn't wear any wings. She wears a heart that could melt my own. She wears a smile that could make me want to sing._

* * *

><p>For the first week of their tour, James gets non-stop hell from the guys. Not about Hailey, because they all love her. They think she's great. They keep saying that she's different and that she's good for him, maybe she can change him. But James doesn't put much thought into those comments, because he knows if he does, he's going to over analyze things and ruin the complete and utter bliss he's been feeling for the past seven or so days straight. He doesn't even have to be around Hailey, just to know that now, she is his, is enough to make James want to put his feet up, hands behind his hand and stare up at the sky, smiling, because life is, well, it's good.<p>

But he's getting hell for all the reasons that James gave himself hell. Why the hell was he such a pussy? Why had it taken him so long to make a move when he had liked her and wanted more for so long? James lets these comments slide, he doesn't answer the questions because in all honesty, James doesn't have an answer. He doesn't know why it took him so long, all he knows is that now that he had made his move, he didn't give a fuck about what anyone else thought. Because now, Hailey was _his_. And no, he doesn't care how creepy or possessive that sounds. James has never been the jealous type, but he would beat someone down if they tried to make a move on _his girl_. It's a new feeling, it's strange, odd, and unfamiliar because, as stated before, James has never been jealous, but he won't lie. It's not unwelcome; he takes it to mean that now he will for the first time have a relationship with sustenance. Though he isn't too sure how smart it was to start the relationship the day he left, but hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

The tour has been good this first week. They played two shows in New York before they hopped a plane to London. It's been a different city every night since they arrived. London, Leeds, Glasgow, Liverpool and tonight they're playing in Manchester. Jet lag doesn't have a chance to take its toll on them. While they're on tour they lose track of the days, let alone the hours. All James knows at the moment is that the bus is quiet and he's pretty sure that all of his other band members are sleeping. He takes this opportunity to call Hailey. They're all in that stupid first phase of the tour where if they're talking to their ladies then they try to make noise and act like idiots. Really it's only the other boys doing it to James, they've never had a chance before because he'd never really cared about any of the other girls before Hailey, and it's no fun to try and embarrass someone when they won't get embarrassed. James remembers their first tour when all they did was try to act like idiots whenever Kendall was on the phone with Jo or Logan was talking to Camille. But it's kind of old now, and it doesn't have the same effect as it did when they were seventeen. Except for when James is talking to Hailey. Then the other boys revert back to their thirteen year old selves and are complete and utter idiots.

He dials her number, because yes, he has bothered to memorize it, and he waits as it rings. James isn't quite sure what time it is. He doesn't even know if it's light outside. He's been in his bunk for the last couple hours. They've only been gone for a week and everything is already starting to blur together.

"Hello?" Her voice gives him this feeling, he's not sure what to make of it, but it's not bad, so he doesn't really care.

"Hailey." His voice is tired, and he knows that he should be sleeping but, now might be the only chance he gets for a while to talk to her without the boys being well, the boys.

"James," he can hear the smile in her voice. "You sound tired."

He manages a soft chuckle. "Yeah, I am."

"Maybe you should sleep."

"Nah, the others are sleeping now, it's my only chance to call without them being fucking idiots." James says quietly. He has to be or else the others will wake up.

"I don't mind that."

"I know."

James doesn't really know why he called. He just wanted to hear her voice. Now that he has, everything thing feels just a little better.

* * *

><p>"Shut the fuck up."<p>

"Why don't you?"

"You're acting like a little bitch. I don't want to deal with it."

"Fuck that. You're that one that started this."

"Fuck you."

Then the first punch is thrown. Logan is actually the one who launches a right hook against Kendall's jaw. James is just watching. It looks like a tough punch, and as Kendall goes down, he's got to give him props. He didn't knock out right away like a little bitch, he's actually wobbling to his feet, Kendall's never had a strong jaw. Which is surprising seeing as he is so obsessed with hockey. I mean you have to be able to take a punch in that game. James always could. But you know, he had to protect the face so most of the time he was throwing the punches before anyone could ever reach his face.

"What are they fighting about?" Carlos asks flopping down on the couch next to James. They're still on the bus, so James has to pull his feet up to make sure that as Kendall and Logan wrestle on the ground that his feet aren't injured. Because his feet were made for dancing.

"I dunno." James says. He sticks his hand into Carlos's bag of Cheetos. He takes a handful and continues to watch the show. James doesn't know what they were fighting about, but he's never one to miss a good brawl, so he made his way to the front of the bus when he heard raised voices. It's begun. The fighting. The boys always do it. They live together, but half the time they don't have to see each other, and then, suddenly they're thrown into a bus and have to see each other almost twenty-four hours a day. Things get wild. But the fighting is always petty and after a few good punches, they end up laughing and playfully wrestling, forgetting their original intention was to maim the other man.

"Who threw the first punch?"

"Logan."

"Ooh, normally it's Kendall."

"If your arm weren't still fucked up, I'd take you down just for fun." James grins at his friend. Carlos laughs and says, "Thank you God for my injury."

"Ooh." Carlos munches on the chips.

"I know," James says, "That was nice right? Logan's gotten better."

"Yeah, he's been working on his left."

But after maybe ten minutes, Kendall and Logan are laughing. They're lying on the floor of the bus, bruised and panting throwing slurs at each other, but it's more of a playful thing.

* * *

><p>The lights are too bright, too hot, the crowd is so loud. James can feel his heart pounding in his veins; hear it ringing in his ears. The anxiety he feels is more like excitement. He can hear them chanting "Big Time Rush", he knows that tonight will be amazing.<p>

The run on stage and the crowd goes wild, he can hear his name being called, and he knows that there are thousands of people out there to see him, but the lights are so bright, he can barely see past the first few rows of screaming fans.

"How y'all doing tonight?" James grins into the microphone. The crowd screams and he knows. This is what he was born to do.

"Well, we're going to play a few songs for you, is that all right?"

More screaming. He knows. This is what he was made for.

"Well I'm James."

This is why God gave him the voice he has. To sing.

"I'm Kendall!"

"Logan!"

"Soy Carlos!"

They don't have to introduce themselves, but it's tradition, what they've been doing since their first show. So they do it at every show. Even when there are ten thousand people out there screaming their names. There's no need for an introduction.

The music for Boyfriend comes on and they all get in position for the choreography of the song. Kendall is up in front and he starts off, "…ever have the feeling you're drawn to someone? Like it isn't anything they could have said or done?"

"lookin' for a boyfriend, I see that, give me time you know I'm gonna be that. Don't be scared to call put your trust in me, can't you see all I really wanna be is your boyfriend, can't fight that, knock me down you know I'm comin' right back I don't care at all what you've done before, can't you see, all I really wanna be is your –"

They cut off and let the crowd sing with them. It's an overwhelming sound, to hear all those thousands of people singing along to the words of a song that you made famous. To James it's like a drug, he needs to hear those people call out his name, without it, he'd be lost.

"Let me take a little moment to find the right words, yeah, so when I kick it to you it ain't something that you heard. I don't know what kind of guy that you prefer but I know I got to put myself for worse, see I think I got the kind love that you deserve and I heard that!"

It's intoxicating, he knows that it is for all of them.

"Cause the world stops, when I put my arms around ya, around ya, whoa oh oh, and nothing even maters, hey, nothing even matters"

"It's like a sound goes off and the people all freeze" Carlos takes center stage and for the moment, the words to this song are his lifeline, the only thing keeping him alive. "They disappear and it's just you and me, anything you want to do anything that you please."

Then it's Logan's turn and there's this fierce passionate look in his eyes, they're dark and he's looking out at the crowd like everything he's ever wanted lies out there, all he has to do is reach for it. He extends his hand forward, and when the girls scream because the sound of his voice, it's the same for him as it is for James, Carlos and Kendall. This is who they are, this is what they need. They can't survive without it.

"If you were my girl, you'd never have to worry about another thing no, 'cause I'd rule the world and you'd be right next to me running the show. We'd throw every rule in the book out and bring down the house-"

"If you were my girl we'd dream out loud!"

"So tell me who am I supposed to be, and what do I gotta do to get you close to me, if we run away tonight will you follow me, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon"

The feeling that they get while their up there, the feeling that makes them feel alive, it makes them feel like they're worth something. It makes them _feel._ It's why they do it. It's why they put up with being uncomfortably close to each other for weeks, months at a time when they would much rather be somewhere else.

That feeling makes everything, every trial they faces, every no that they heard, every challenge, every difficulty, every heart ache, every feeling of home sickness, every feeling of loneliness, everyone who hated on them, it makes it all worth it.

* * *

><p>Kendall and Jo are video chatting about the wedding and since James is the best man, he has to stick around and listen to what's going on. He'd much rather be playing Guitar Hero with Logan and Carlos, because like everything else, he's a total boss and can whoop their asses. It once again makes him wonder why his friends are still friends with him. He figures they'd get sick of him. And maybe they do, James doesn't know. They never say it.<p>

"Camille and I are going to look at dresses tomorrow," Jo is telling Kendall. James is barely listening. He's looking through the texts from Hailey, smiling at them, reading them over and over, and imagining her voice in his head. "My mom won't be here until the day after next. I promised her that you know, she could help pick it out, so Camille and I are just going to give a quick look. See if we find anything outstanding."

"You would look outstanding in anything." Kendall says, James internally groans. "or nothing."

"Okay, so do I actually need to be here or can I go?" James glares at Kendall.

He hears Jo laugh and she says, "We only need you for a little bit James."

James nods and looks at the screen while Jo holds up a picture of a wedding venue. "This place," she says, "is called The Vineyards, and it is so beautiful Kendall."

The picture is blurry because Kendall doesn't have the resolution set right for his chat, so they can't really see, but James know that where they get married, what they were, who comes, who doesn't, it doesn't matter to Kendall as long as he and Jo get married. It's a sweet thing.

"We're going to go check it out while my mom is here. I wish you were, babe. I know you'd love it."

"We could get married anywhere," Kendall says smiling, "I don't care as long as you're walking down the aisle."

They have an intense thing, a love that will last the ages, withstand every trial and tribulation thrown their way, it's written all over their faces and James almost envies it. Almost. He kind of wants to know what it would feel like to love someone _that much_. But in the long term, James doesn't want to risk it, being as fucked up as his parents isn't worth it.

"I know," Jo smiles, "I just want you to be a part of the process."

"I'm only gone for three months. Then we have two to go the rest together." Kendall's voice is a soft coo, "Then we have the rest of our lives together."

Normally, that would make James sick. But for the first time ever in his life, he wishes that his parents hadn't ruined love for him, because it seems magical.

"James," Jo is talking to him then. "Do you think Hailey would be interested in coming with Camille and I tomorrow?"

James shrugs, "She has to work, you know. She's not making millions of dollars like us." He doesn't quite know how much Hailey makes, he's never asked. Wouldn't it be rude? But it can't be much. Her car is almost ten years old and though her apartment is nice, it's not top of the line. Even if it was, she isn't living in Beverly Hills. She's living in the suburban part of West L.A.

"Yeah, I know. I've talked to her like twice since you guys left."

This is news to James. Hailey failed to mention that Jo had gotten in contact with her. But then again, every time they talk things are a little off. They haven't gotten the timing quite right yet, so when he calls she's sleeping, working, and when she calls him, he's either sleeping or performing. Not exactly prime time for conversation. He decides that he actually need to look into finding out when they can both talk without interrupting each other's sleep or work.

"Well, then just ask. I'm sure if she's off she'll say yes." James is quite positive that Hailey will go with Jo if she isn't working. Not because she's famous but because the barbeque they were like fucking chumps. Hailey, Camille and Jo got along like three peas in a pod, long lost best friends. It was strange.

"Yeah, I think I'll call her in the morning."

It's about an hour after they finished up all that entails performing, autographs, pictures, backstage pass fans. So James doesn't know what time it is where he is, let alone back in Los Angeles.

"Cool."

"Have you found another bride's maid yet?" Kendall asks.

"Nope." Jo pops the 'P' but she smiles reassuringly at him, "But I'm sure I will."

* * *

><p>They're playing an acoustic set for a radio station. Both James and Kendall have guitars in their hands. Normally Kendall is the only who plays, but James is feeling it today, so he takes up the instrument with Kendall.<p>

They begin to play Stuck. James has the lead in this song and he knows the words by heart, he can sing them without thinking. Which he does, because what he's really thinking about as he strums the guitar in sync with Kendall, is that the last time he play guitar was for Hailey. He can almost hear the sound of her voice as she sang along with him humbly to Hey There Delilah. He realizes then, even though she has the voice of an angel, that she was brave for singing with James. He's a worldwide, internationally renowned singer. He is someone that people actually pay money to hear and pay lots of money to meet. Most people would be intimidated. But Hailey never really was by him.

He finds that he wishes she was there. He wants to see the smile that slips across her lips, the way her eyes close when she hears his voice. He wants her to pay him some sort of compliment the way she always does, whether it's with words or a gesture as simple as a smile or a hug. Seeing her face was like a reward.

They haven't even been gone half a month, and James misses her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I think that writing this story is my guilty pleasure. I try to keep away from it, give you all a few days to read and review, but I always write one chapter after another as soon as I post.

**You know what would be really cool? **To get _ten reviews_ on this chapter. If you love me, and you love this story, give me a shout out lol. I'll send some love back your way. :]

Review please?


	18. Nothing On You

**A/N: **I'm not sure how many chapter's I'll do with them on tour. Maybe two or three more. Depends on how you guys respond to them. And I have decided that not in this chapter, but maybe the next, there will be a slight plot twist, maybe something you weren't expecting. it won't be anything major though, I promise.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eighteen – Nothing on You<strong>

_Beautiful girls, all over the world, I could be chasing, but my time would be wasted, they got nothing on you, baby. Nothing on you baby. They might say hi, and I might say hey, but you shouldn't worry about what they says, 'cause they got nothing on you baby._

* * *

><p>One month into the tour, everything is still running smoothly. Or as smoothly as it can. The boys fight over petty and pathetic things, getting on each other's nerves just by being in the same room. No one really picks on Carlos for a change, because it's no fun when he can't fight back. So all the ridiculing is spread evenly through the other three boys. More than fighting though, there are pranks and laughter. Something Carlos and Kendall have always been the best at. Logan and James suffer through it, only getting in their own prank every once in a while. But James is pretty proud of himself when he hears Kendall yell from inside the bathroom on the bus. He put plastic wrap under the toilet seat. James grins, and it's well deserved because Kendall comes out of the bathroom and has to change his clothes.<p>

But that's how tour goes. It's fun, violent, the boys are living their dreams out every single day, but it's also hard. They all have people to miss. James never did before, and now that he does, he kind of feels bad for being such a douche to Kendall and Logan all those years when they moped and said they missed their girlfriends.

James has yet to voice this yet though. While Kendall and Logan are very vocal with how they feel, and Carlos, while he was dating someone, had no problem with stating that he missed them. Though James knows he misses Hailey, he's decided to keep it to himself. He hasn't said it to Hailey yet either, but then again, she hasn't said it to him. He wonders if it's because she doesn't miss him, but he shakes that thought from his mind when he thinks about the look on her face before he kissed her, then her face afterwards, and just the general tone of her voice when he calls. He knows she misses him, whether she says it or not.

The hazel eyed, brunette, tall, tan, muscular, far beyond attractive man that goes by the name of James sits, in the front of the bus, his feet propped up, and his fingers running up and down his forearm, he's thinking about Hailey, remembering how she would trace the black ink of the tattoo on her arm. He's also thinking of what the tattoo means. It's about love, pure, unadulterated, simple, love. For James it isn't' real. It isn't something that exists in his world; he just wonders how it exists in the world of others. What makes Hailey believe so strongly of ideology of love? Has she ever felt it before? Or is it just the perfect example set by other's that she follows, hoping to find for herself one day? If parents are the teachers of their children, then they taught Hailey well. It's too bad James parents sucked.

James thinks about Hailey, about how one day she's going to fall in love, and she'll find, feel the kind of love talked about in the bible verse on her arm. But the idea, gives James this small ache, he doesn't want Hailey to fall in love with anyone. James figures thats because she's currently _his_ girlfriend, it's okay for him not to like the idea of her loving someone other than him. But James also doesn't like the idea of her loving him. It wouldn't be fair to her. He'd never be able to fabricate the feeling so that he could give it back to her. That's not right, because Hailey does deserve what she dreams about.

"Are you thinking about her?"

Kendall sits down across from his best friend. James slowly lifts his head and tears his eyes away from the spot on his arm where he is envisioning Hailey's tattoo. James just nods. There's no need for words. Kendall already knows what James is feeling, and it's probably ten times worse.

"She was really nice, you know." Kendall kicks his feet up, matching James position on the bench across from him in the bus.

"So you have all told me." James says, he's back to looking at his arm. "Many times."

"She suits you."

"How do you mean?" James hasn't been told this before and he isn't quite sure as to what Kendall means.

"Well, I just mean, you know, she's kind of your opposite. You're a selfish, egotistical bastard a lot of the time. And Hailey just might be the sweetest thing I've ever met." Kendall tells James.

He laughs, Kendall has a point. Hailey has never been mean or rude to James. She's hardly ever even sarcastic. Most of the time her words come from the heart and are full of truth, warmth radiates off of her, while James has a tendency to make people feel unworthy.

"You guys kind of remind me of Rocky, when he's talking about Adrian and he says that they fill each other's gaps."

James isn't quite sure that they have reached that point yet. He's only known her for two months or so, and he's been dating her for one of them, but he hasn't really been there, every day, to get to know her even more.

"Gaps." James repeats.

"Yeah, you know, she kind of makes you a better person. You aren't as much of an asshole around her."

James laughs out loud. He can't disagree with that. He definitely isn't an asshole around Hailey; he wants her to like him too much for him to risk messing it up. James realizes, "She's the only person that I've really ever strived for approval from."

"I know."

"It's strange. My whole life, everyone just said yes, they approved, Gustavo aside, he's just a bitch, but everyone else, just well, _approved_, and I never had to fight for attention-"

"It's because everyone fucking loves to look at you. You're good looking, smart and charming, when you aren't being a total douche, of course. It's a fight to get people's attention off of you_. I know._"

"I have to fight for Hailey's attention."

"She's a challenge." Kendall offers, and he's pretty much right on. She is definitely a challenge.

"Yeah, I mean, she always liked me, but she didn't fall at my feet."

"She's different than all of the other sluts you've dated."

"Mm." James furrows his brows. "It kind of scares me."

"Isn't it the fact that Hailey's different that makes you like her so much?"

James nods.

"Then don't stress anything. Everything happens for a reason. The whole God has a plan thing; Hailey is in your life for a reason. Maybe to teach you a lesson about something."

Kendall has always kind of been loosely Christian. Not really living the lifestyle, but keeping a bible in the house, never doubting that there is a God up in heaven. James doesn't know where he stands on that ground. But James does kind of feel ordained to do what he does. It's a blessing and if God is listening, he sends a silent thank you.

* * *

><p>The boys decide to go out one night after their show. It finishes up early and they're restless. Being cramped up on that bus or in a hotel room, night after night, day after day. They need something. So they end up at a local club in downtown Berlin. Everyone is immediately all over them.<p>

The girls cling to Kendall and Logan even though everyone knows they're taken. Yet the two manage to keep things at a friendly level. Neither of them would ever cheat on their significant other. But most people don't know that James is in a relationship, and so the girls are drunk, throwing themselves into his lap. It's so uncharacteristic, but James refuses all of them. Only dancing with a few women, and never letting anything go too far. James loves dirty dancing, and he's keeping a distance between his hips and the girl's ass in front of him, even though she's really, really, trying hard to grind against James's crotch. He won't let her. The boys are giving him props.

Carlos on the other hand, is having a bit of fun, the whole I'm injured thing is still working for him. But even Carlos is distant from the women. He's doing much more than the other three, but he's giving no hints or invitations back to the hotel. They're kind of surprised, because Carlos isn't in a current relationship, at least not one that they know of.

There's this brunette and she's pushing herself into James's side. The bar in the club is crowded and James hasn't been drinking much because he's afraid that if he does things might get out of control. And while no ground rules for the relationship he's in have been set, the one thing Hailey will not tolerate is cheating. She said it way before they ever even started to date. And there's no way James would be able to keep that from her. Sleeping with someone before they were together already made him feel terrible and guilty enough to tell her.

Kendall and Logan are chatting with a few people, and it's very casual and friendly, but this girl keeps brushing 'accidently' against James. She's giving him these looks. Her eyes are exotic and green, her skin is flawless, and her hair is styled to perfection, not to mention every time she flips it, James gets a whiff of some kind of heavenly shampoo. She's wearing stilettos, a skin tight dress; her breasts might as well be pushed up to her chin. She's so fucking hot. And James knows that if Hailey weren't in the picture he'd already be out of the club and the girl beside him wouldn't be the only one on his arm. But the weird thing is, as gorgeous as this woman is, James finds that she can't compare to Hailey and the moment he realizes that, he suddenly isn't attracted to her at all anymore.

But the club is suffocating. It's hard to breathe, there's sweat and sex in the air, because this isn't a high school dance and it'd be no surprise if multiple stalls in the bathroom were well, 'occupied'. James knows very well that it's possible to have sex on the dance floor with no one noticing. Especially in a place like this, where the lights are low, the music is loud and everyone is there to get laid anyways.

He yells into Kendall's ear that he needs air and then makes his way out of the club. Oddly enough, James hadn't even missed going clubbing or partying. Going out hadn't crossed his mind once, until the guys brought it up.

With a few deep breaths, he reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out his cell phone. He doesn't even remember ringing before he hears Hailey's voice. He isn't drunk, he's only had a few drinks, not even really enough to get James buzzed, but he feels like he is when he hears her.

Sadly it's only her voicemail. Then James realizes that she must be at work.

"_Hey, it's Hailey, leave a message, I'll get back to you when I can." _

"Hey," James says into the receiver. He slides his hand across his face, breathing deep. "I-" he pauses again. He was about to say that the missed her. "I, just wanted to talk to you. I know we talked last night, but it feels like forever. Things are hectic and all. So, yeah, just uh, just call me back. Bye."

He thinks that he must have sounded pathetic, but at the moment, it doesn't really matter. He heads back to the hotel by himself and sends a text to each of the guys.

When he reaches the hotel, he showers, gets into a pair of pajamas and settles into his bed. Just as his eyes close, his phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey." James smiles into the darkness. He's tired from the day, from performing, from the club.

"I just got off work."

"How was it?"

"Slow." She says, "But I heard your message. Are you alright?"

"I'm surviving."

"You sound so tired."

James laughs, "When don't I these days? When we talk either you're about to fall asleep or I am."

"Talking to you always helps me sleep better."

James finds himself smiling, he didn't know that. "Really?"

"Mhmm. After I get off the phone with you, I always curl up in my bed, and I sleep so easily. It's your voice." She tells him, "it comforts me."

"I wish you could be here." He says quietly. He figures it's the equivalent of saying I miss you.

"Who knows, maybe one day I'll be able to."

James wakes up to a text message from Hailey that read,

**Hey, you fell asleep on me. Get some rest, call me later.**

He feels bad, but when he gets out of bed, he feels great. Maybe it went both ways, when Hailey talked to him she slept better, and when he talked to her, James slept better as well.

He pours himself a cup of coffee and sits on the couch in the suite at the five star hotel that they're staying in. The last thing he remembers from the conversation last night is Hailey saying that maybe one day she could join them on tour. What had she meant by that? Had she been implying that they would be together for a while? Or maybe she was just saying that hypothetically, it would be cool. James doesn't know, but he gives it thought. To have Hailey here, helping him endure the ups and downs of the touring life. It would be nice.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Sorry this chapter is so short. I didn't want to drag it on and I was running out of things to write about. I feel like there's been a lot less dialogue lately, but that's okay. :] you're getting inside of James's head.

Leave a review if you think I deserve one. :]


	19. Worldwide

**A/N: **Sorry this chapter took so long, but I'm going to dedicate it to **StuckAt9.99**, just because her review made me really smile. So, there's only one more tour chapter after this, because I really want to get back to writing about James and Hailey, face to face, and then after a few happy filler chapters I can get back into the plot line for real. I know you're all dying to know how things end up.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nineteen – Worldwide<strong>

_Wait, a minute, before you tell me anything how was your day? 'Cause I've been missing you by my side. Did I awake you out of your dreams? I'm sorry but I couldn't sleep. You calm me down, there's something about the sound of your voice. I'm never, never as far away as it may seem. Soon we'll be together; we'll pick up right where we left off._

* * *

><p>They're on the last stretch of the international part of their tour. They're getting ready to play in Tokyo, and then they're off to Australia where they have a week of shows to play. After that, they're headed back to the states. They'll play in Portland, Oregon, then Denver, Milwaukee, Boston, New York, and then head back west, Austin, Dallas, and Vegas. Once Vegas is done, they're home free. They have one show to play in Los Angeles. They're getting time off so that Kendall can help Jo plan their wedding, because after all, he is a part of it. After the honeymoon though, they're supposed to start up a nationwide tour. But James doesn't want to think about another tour while the one he's on still isn't over. All he's really thinking about is how he'll have two whole months to spend with Hailey once this is all over. That's all he really wants.<p>

It's starting to really hit him. The longing that is. Talking to Hailey every day, video chatting, face chatting, texting, it's not enough. He wants to see her face to face. He wants to be able to reach out and touch her. What James can't figure out is if this is normal. He knows that Kendall and Logan are feeling this way, but they've been with their girlfriends a really long time now. And James has only known Hailey for three months, and he's been dating her for two of those months, but it can't really be called dating, can it? He's only kissed her twice. Within seconds of each other does that only count as once? James finds himself running his finger across his lips when he's thinking about it.

Is this normal?

It can't be. He's way too obsessed. It way too intense.

Or maybe it is normal.

James wouldn't really know. He's the king of never letting anyone in, or letting them get close. But Hailey has broken through his barriers and just hearing her voice is like heaven on earth.

Hailey calls.

"Hello?" James doesn't know what time it is where he is, so he sure as hell doesn't know what time it is back home. He's only been awake for an hour though.

"Hi James."

"Hi Hailey." He smiles. "Whatcha doin'?"

"It's my day off. Just kind of, well you know, wishing you were here." She says and he tries to picture what she does as she talks. He tries to imagine all of her little facial expressions, or little gestures that she might make. Then he's wondering why he refers to everything she does as little.

"What are you going to do today?" James asks.

"Well, I just got done surfing. Later I'm going to help Shane with another party."

"Shorthanded again?"

"Yeah, Elliot and I are his recruited help."

James scowls when he hears the name. Hailey hasn't mentioned him much since James has been gone, but he's pretty sure that just for his benefit. He's positive that Elliot is still hanging around, still slowly, but surely making his way to what will be his permanent seat in the heart of gold Hailey possess. There's no doubt.

"If I were there, I'd help out too." James says trying to be endearing and sweet.

Hailey laughs, "If you were here, you'd probably be a guest at the party."

"No," James says softly, "I'd help you. Or you know, maybe you'd be at the party as my date. You'd have to turn Shane down."

She laughs again and then tells him, "I'd like to show up at a party as your date."

"Then we'll do it." He promises, "When I get back, the next social event I'm invited to-"

"Which ones aren't you invited to?"

James laughs but continues, "You'll come with me, as my date."

"Did you know that I'm on the cover of a tabloid?" Hailey renders.

"What?"

"It's just a blurry picture, but it's of you and me at the pier. The headline is 'Who is James Diamond's Mystery Woman?''

James is slightly worried about this. He doesn't want paparazzi to start hounding Hailey and invade her everyday life they way they did when Big Time Rush first made it, well, big time. Though James is quite sure that Hailey could handle it, he doubts that she wants to.

"Really?"

"Yeah, the article mostly talks about your past relationships and any up and coming stars that I kind of resemble as possibilities."

"I'm sorry." James says, "They don't really get permission and sometimes they use the most unflattering pictures-"

"It's okay, James. I mean, I'm dating a pop-star, it'd be weird if this didn't happen." He can hear the smile in hear voice and he wants so badly just to see it.

They talk a little bit about everything. About the weather in Los Angeles, how it's way too hot. The tour, the beauty that James has been witnessing. Hailey tells him about friendly outings, kickbacks at Shane's house. She leaves out Elliot. James is glad for this.

They're laughing, and as it dies down, Hailey declares in a breathless voice, "I miss you, James."

"I miss you too."

"I have to go get ready. But I'll call you again later, okay?"

"Sure."

They hang up, and James doesn't quite process what he's just done. He said it back; he told Hailey that he missed her. He'd never told anyone that he missed them. Mostly because he just hadn't. But he's said it back to Hailey, it's the first time either of them said it out loud. He's shocked at himself. He hadn't even been thinking, it just slipped out.

"Why do you look so shocked?" Kendall walks in, taking a bite of a muffin.

"I said it back." James tells him.

"Said what back?" He asks suspiciously.

"She told me that she misses me, and I said it back. I told her I missed her."

"Isn't it true?"

James shifts in his seat, "Well, yeah, but I just… I've never said it to anyone before."

"Relax, telling her that you miss her isn't the kiss of death, it doesn't mean you just proposed, okay? Your relationship is hardly even a relationship, so it's basically like you just told a friend that you miss them."

James is kind of offended that Kendall doesn't really acknowledge his relationship with Hailey as real yet. Even if he is kind of, well, right. His relationship with Hailey is real to him though. He's worked hard to be with Hailey, and he doesn't feel this way about all of his friends. Not even close.

James kind of just goes through the motions. Performing is amazing, meet and greets are always so much fun, but it's all becoming routine. James still loves it all, he needs it all, nothing would ever make him give it up, but this tour is different. He has someone to sit down and think about, he has someone that he wants to call, he has someone he wishes was there with him.

But all James can really think, is that this is so not normal.

He should not be missing Hailey, _this_ much. I mean, come on, it can't be normal. Even if she does have the most beautiful smile James has ever seen, including his own. So what if her lips are full and pink? Her perfectly straight, white teeth don't really matter. The freckles across her nose are adorable, but not _that_ adorable. Her eyelashes are longer naturally than some peoples are even when they're wearing fake ones. Not to mention when she isn't wearing mascara, you can see that they're blond at the tips. But so? And her eyes are so blue, so bright, and so radiant; they shine brighter than the stars. But still, they shouldn't be affecting James like this. No way.

This can't be normal. He's not quite sure he likes this.

The band leaves Japan for Australia. James has always loved it there. He'll be spending a day or two surfing for sure.

They have to do a talk show in the morning and perform. They did it on their first tour in Australia. Now they're doing it again. None of them mind, they all love being on T.V. especially James. Most questions are directed at him. His friends don't mind that either, because James has always been the best with words, had the right answers, known how to smile charmingly into the camera.

He wears a button up dress shirt, and leaves the first two buttons undone, along with some black slacks. He doesn't have to put this much effort into a simple morning talk show, but James never half asses things when it comes to making an appearance. James bets this is how he would dress everyday if he'd never made it in the music industry. He'd be working for his mother and she'd be preparing him to take over her cosmetics company. James is glad he's far away from the plans she had for him as a boy. Honestly James is just glad he's away from her in general. He loves his mom but she can be a bit over bearing.

The show is going smoothly until one of the hostesses asks him, "So James, it's big talk right now, are you single or not?"

James laughs, not nervously, but kind of. He can't just give Hailey up, her life wouldn't be normal anymore. He doesn't want to just thrust all of this upon her.

"Well," James says. He looks to Kendall but Kendall is just smiling almost smugly about something.

"Come on, James, tell us, everyone is dying to know."

"No," James says, "I'm not single. I am currently seeing someone. But that's all I can say." He manages to tell her charismatically.

Katie gets hell after that statement. Her phones are ringing off the hook and she has to give them all the same answer, "James wants to keep his relationship private, he won't be making any statements."

They go about the day.

After the show that night, James is sticky, sweaty and tired. He wants to crawl into his hotel bed and go to sleep, but he still has to go meet his adoring fans. He changes his shirt, sprays on some Cuda, and combs his hair with his lucky comb so he's nice and gorgeous again. He plasters his brilliant smile onto his face and keeps it there for an hour as he meets fans, signs autographs and takes picture after picture. But what he's really thinking about his calling Hailey, he should probably warn her about the hell he might have just caused earlier by telling the world that he's dating someone.

So he does call her, it's around one in the morning Australia time when he finally gets the chance to pick up the phone. When it picks up, James hears Hailey laughing and then she says, "Okay, okay, bye Elliot."

"Hello?" He says.

"James! Hi. I was just about to call you." He knows that she's smiling.

"You were." He says flatly. Elliot. He doesn't like him.

"Yeah," she says, "I-"

"Was Elliot there?" he cuts her off.

"Oh," she says nonchalantly, like it's no big deal, "yeah, he came over for dinner. He just left, so I was going to call once he was gone."

James is silent.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Peachy." He lies.

"Are you upset that Elliot was here?"

"No," he says, "Why would I be?"

"oh, um, well, okay. What's going on?"

"I" he pauses, he's being stupid and jealous. He takes a deep breath, he needs to let it go and just tell Hailey what he originally called to tell her. "I just wanted to give you a heads up; I kind of told a couple million people on live TV in Australia that I have a girlfriend."

Hailey laughs, "Taking me public, are you?"

"Well, I didn't say, oh yeah, I'm dating Hailey Whitley, she's a bank teller at Chase, lives in-"

"Okay, okay. I get it."

James smiles. "I just wanted you to be prepared, because, you know, when I get back, the world will want to know who my mystery woman is."

She laughs again, "Oh yay."

They talk for a while. Hailey tells him about her day at work, Shane's rising success in the A-lister catering business. She tells him that she bought a fish. A beta, it's blue, she named it Alfonso.

"Why Alfonso?"

"Well, actually Elliot picked the name. We saved a baby bird once when we were younger and named it Alfonso, he thought maybe it'd be cool to have another pet named Alfonso."

"When you were younger?" James doesn't like this.

"Yeah, I was like eight, he was probably twelve."

"Eight?"

"Uh, yeah, I, I guess I've known Elliot longer than you thought."

She'd known Elliot her whole fucking life? How could James compete with that? They saved a baby bird together! What the fuck?

"James?"

"Hailey, why… why haven't you and Elliot dated?" he asks. He needs to know. It's not just curiosity anymore, it's a need to know.

Now it's her turn to be quiet, but eventually, she does answer. "We have."

It's like a blow to the chest. A shockwave, had James really just heard right? They had dated? James had some questions.

"What- what do you mean?" James asks, "What happened?"

"James, I-" she pauses, he hears her exhale and then she says, "I was a freshman, he was a senior, it was a secret, but we dated all year long and then he went off to college, so I broke up with him. I didn't want to hold him back. We stayed friends, and we've kind of just rekindled recently. He moved from Boston out to Los Angeles because of Shane, they've been best friends all their lives, I just kind of just stole Elliot from time to time. But that was a long time ago. So Elliot and I are just friends."

"For now?"

"I'm dating you James."

It doesn't make him feel any better. He feels like he's just been punched in the gut. Everything everyone said about there being a reason he was in the friend zone was complete and utter shit. He's in the friend zone because James got to her before he could. It was like Elliot and Hailey were fucking meant for each other and James was the only thing in the way of some magical romance.

"It's late." James says lamely. "I've got to go."

"James."

"Bye Hailey."

He hangs up feeling like shit.

When he crawls into bed he just wants to sleep. He wants to forget everything. He doesn't want to know that Hailey and Elliot dated, he regrets ever asking. Why is James so stupidly jealous over this though? That's what he can't figure out. He gets that Hailey is the first girl that he's ever actually _liked _and that she's worth getting jealous over, but Hailey is dating him now, and she would never cheat on him. Besides, like she said, it was a long time ago. James also gets that its normal for boyfriends not to want their girlfriends hanging out with their exes. But James feels like it's more than that. It's deeper. He just can't figure out why or what it is.

When Hailey calls the next day, he doesn't answer. He feels like if he does he'll just be a douche and snap at her. Which is not what he wants, so he figures just not talking to her would be better.

But not talking to her leaves him in a foul mood and he's snapping at everyone else instead. But it's better than snapping at Hailey, right? He should just talk to her, but he's being childish and feeling sorry for himself. So he doesn't call her.

James and Logan are out to lunch. Carlos and Kendall stayed behind to play some hockey in their hotel room. The two other boys are pretty sure it'll be trashed by the time they get back.

When his phone rings, James takes it out, looks at the caller ID and sets it down on the table. He wants to talk to her. Every single day for the last three months he's talked to her practically. Yesterday was a first. No texts, no calls, no face chat, no video chat.

When it stops ringing, Logan asks, "Who was it?"

James is still looking at the phone, "Hailey."

"Why didn't you answer it?"

"I-" James is being ridiculous, that's why but he doesn't want to say that, so instead he just says, "it's complicated."

"You're talking to the guy who has the most complicated relationship of all time; I think you can tell me."

James meets Logan's eyes. He's right. Logan and Camille have the most complicated relationship James has ever seen. If it were made into movie, it would be so hard to follow along.

"Okay." James says exhaling. "Hailey has dated Elliot."

Logan's eyes go wide for a second and then he composes himself, "She has?"

"It was a long time ago, she was a freshman, he was a senior."

"That is a long time ago, James."

"Yeah, but they're best fucking buddies. They hang out like all the time."

"So?"

"Would you want Camille hanging out with her ex-boyfriends all the time?"

"Well, for one," Logan says, "As of late, I am Camille's only ex-boyfriends, so you know, no, I don't mind her hanging out with me."

"You know what I fucking mean."

"Okay, yeah, I do. I get that you don't want your girlfriend to hang out with her ex-boyfriend. But the key word is ex." He points out.

"But Logan! It's not like they got into a fight and broke up. They didn't break up because he cheated on her, or they just didn't like each other anymore. They broke up because he went to college. You know what that means? That means it could be like Kendall and Jo, where all the feelings that they had before Jo left for New Zealand still exist. What if Hailey's feelings for Elliot still exist? And I don't know how in hell his feelings for her couldn't still exist." James throws his arms up into the air dramatically and a few people look over at the two.

"These are all what if's though James."

"So? It's still plausible."

"You're right."

James glares at Logan. He's supposed to be helping, telling James that he's being stupid, not tell him that his fears are reasonable.

"So you can do one of two things." Logan tells him holding up two fingers, looking him dead in the eye. "Option one, you can be stupid and ridiculous and break up with the only girl you've actually ever had feelings for because she's hanging out with a guy she dated _seven_ years ago, or you can stop being stupid and ridiculous and call Hailey back."

"Yeah, yeah." James takes a bite of his food. Logan is right. He's always right.

James doesn't call Hailey that night. But he doesn't sleep much either. He keeps tossing and turning, having nightmares that Hailey ends up with Elliot or when James gets home she breaks up with him for being stupid.

James wouldn't blame her. He is pretty stupid sometimes.

He calls her in the morning though. It rings, and rings, James is afraid she won't pick up, but she does. Her voice is low and confused. She must have been sleeping.

"Did I wake you?"

"James?"

"Yeah."

"What's going on?"

"I'm sorry to wake you up." He says, "but I just… I wanted to say I'm sorry for being so, well you know."

She doesn't say anything for a minutes. James has to look at the screen on his phone to make sure that she hasn't hung up on him.

"It's okay." She says.

"Okay." James smiles, "Call me when you're more awake."

"Wait-, James, will you sing to me?"

He can only smile. James sings to her until he can hear her steady breathing. When he hangs up, he wonders exactly what time it is in Los Angeles. Sydney is seventeen hours ahead of Los Angeles. If it's eight where he is… it's close to two in the morning where she is. Oops.

But it's okay. Because in two weeks, she'll be back in his arms and they'll both be on awake and asleep at the same time.

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><p><strong>AN:** Okay, so yeah. Lol. Um, this chapter didn't come out as planned. Hopefully it isn't terrible.

Review!


	20. An Ocean Apart

**A/N: **I started writing a story for Logan, so if you're interested it's called Sun Down. :] Anyways, I had a really hard time trying to find a song for this chapter… If you feel like you know any good songs that might fit the theme of this tory, leave the name in a review, I will check them out.

But, dun, dun, duh! Now, is the chapter of reunions.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Nineteen – An Ocean Between<strong>

_I find myself so tangled up in all our ideas. We could run away, get a job in a small beach town. Well, we can dream but I can't stay. It's a small world, but I'll sail much too far away. Could it be, it was destiny, you and me, an ocean between?_

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><p>The minute James sets foot on the ground outside the airport in Portland, he feels closer to home. What he really wants to do is hop on another plane and head back to Los Angeles, but there's still two weeks left of tour before he can do that. The thing is though, that two weeks doesn't seem that long. This whole tour has seemed so much longer than any other tour before it, even though they'd been on the road for six months at one point. But now that they're home, back in America, it seems like home is so much closer. That's all James has to tell himself when he puts his luggage back onto another tour bus. It's only two weeks.<p>

James calls Hailey when all is said and done, they're on their way to a hotel but there's no rest for the wicked and they have to perform that night. Jet lag or not, the show must go on. But all is forgiven now with Hailey, James doesn't really know if there was anything for her to forgive, and if there was he's just glad that Hailey likes him enough to wait around three months while he's off broadening his horizons and having fun. Which is what he does for a living, but still, it's more play than work. Meanwhile Hailey is at home working at Chase, dealing with people she doesn't deserve to, probably being given a hard time by some customers. James thinks that he should try and find her a new job. Maybe she could work for Katie and her management business? James doesn't know if her college career prepared her for anything close to what Katie does, but it's worth a shot. It's probably better than working at Chase. Katie would probably pay more too. James doesn't know Hailey's exact salary, but he googled the average salary for a bank teller. It isn't much. James makes more than that in maybe a week. But of course, James is world famous. He wonders if Hailey would be insulted by the fact he looked up her yearly earnings. Maybe, maybe not.

"I'm back in America."

"Cool, now you won't have to call me at three in the morning anymore."

James laughs. "Hey, that was only a couple times."

"Yeah, well I guess it's flattering that you missed me that much. You couldn't wait till a godly hour to call me." She says a bit pompously.

"Well, it was a godly hour where I was." James protests. He didn't miss Hailey that much. He's lying, of course. "Anyways," he composes himself. "I should probably sleep for as long as I can before the show tonight."

"Alright-y, well, sweet dreams darling. I'll see you soon." She says sweetly. James has never been called darling by anyone but his mother and Mama Knight, but he likes the way it sounds coming from Hailey's sugary sweet voice.

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><p>In Denver, they play an encore, the fans them always seem to give them just a bit of extra love, so it's worth it.<p>

They have a day off in Milwaukee. James doesn't really know what to do with himself. He sleeps in late, calls Hailey and leaves her a message because she's at work. Then he and Kendall head to the movies. They wear hats and glasses so that they don't get recognized. It works. But they get stopped in the hotel lobby when they decide to take off their disguises. Signing autographs and taking pictures isn't all that big of a deal. After all, it's what James grew up dreaming of doing.

As they head back to their room, James asks Kendall, "Do you ever wish you'd taken the hockey scholarship instead of getting the band back together when Griffin dropped us?"

Kendall gives James as strange look before his eyes drop to the floor and he shrugs, "This wasn't what I dreamed of doing," He answers, "but now that I'm doing it, I really can't see myself doing anything else."

James is satisfied with that response. He kind of feels like he killed his friend's dreams sometimes just so his own could come true. But Carlos is still a stuntman, and Logan still got an ivy-league education. Kendall is an honorary member of the Wilds, since he pours money into that team like he's filling an empty glass with water. So in a way, his friends accomplished their own dreams too, right? I mean Logan isn't a doctor, and Kendall can practice with the team, but he can't actually play in games, but they didn't regret becoming Big Time Rush, right? It's just one of those things James can get insecure about. He spends all his time being self-centered that when he actually has a down to earth, think about other people, moment he worries about how his own actions affect other people. But hey, his dream made them all millionaires; he doesn't see how they could complain. And that's when James realizes that they don't.

Logan is heading out when they return, and Kendall just turns around and goes with him. Carlos is using his laptop, he's video chatting with someone. But James is more tired that curious, so he sleeps until Hailey calls him later in the night.

Boston seems like it's gone too fast, and New York, almost feels like home.

In Austin, Logan, Kendall and James begin to notice that Carlos is spending a lot of time video chatting with someone. When they ask him who it is, he tells them it's his physical therapist; he's supposed to keep in touch with her since he can't go into the office. They believed him at first, because they asked when the tour first started, but it's happening a lot lately. And instead of waving his arm around, trying to see if everything works right, he's looking at the screen like he's in love. So the boys are beginning to wonder.

A plan is devised. Logan and James will distract Carlos, and Kendall will steal the laptop. They didn't really think past that. It doesn't really matter anyways. Who knows if the plan will even work?

They all peek around the corner and watch as Carlos talks sweetly into the webcam. They can hear him and the conversation is innocent enough, but it's the way he's talking to her.

"Ready?" James asks.

"Ready." Both Kendall and Logan reply in unison.

"Go." Logan and James walk into the room, Carlos glances up but continues talking. Then James falls into his lap and says, "Oops, hey buddy."

"James, what the fuck?"

Oh, hey, look, I think I see a penny." Logan took another step forward and also fell onto Carlos. "Whoops, I tripped."

"What the hell?"

And then came Kendall, he snatched up the laptop and Carlos couldn't fight back. James and Logan were off of him instantly and running down the hall to barricade themselves in the room with Kendall to find out who Carlos was talking to.

"Hey!" Carlos called out after them.

He pounded on the locked door as the three other men sat down in front of the laptop. It really was his physical therapist. But now they all knew why he liked to talk to her. She was a very beautiful woman.

Dallas was fun. Vegas was more so.

Then the anticipation starts to kick in. They're heading back to Los Angeles. And waiting for them at the airport will be Jo, Camille, last but most certainly not least in James's eyes, was Hailey. She would be there, waiting for him just like she promised. James could feel his stomach begin to knot.

They bid their tour bus driver adieu. He'd been a pleasure, easy going, nice to talk to, drove well. They had survived the tour after all. But flying back to Los Angeles will be quicker and they'll have a few hours to spend with the ones they missed so much.

Their flight leaves early in the morning. The moment James steps foot on to the plane, he feels closer to her.

Then their plane lands. It's all heart, racing, blood pumping, and drumming in his ears from there. He's trying to hide, act cool and nonchalant, but on the inside he's this mess, so anxious.

Kendall and Logan don't hide it though. They run from the terminal to baggage claim. They leave Carlos and James trailing behind. But James watches as they ignore the screaming teenage girls and the flash of the paparazzi's cameras. They run straight for their ladies. There's make-shift railing and security guards keeping the fans back, because Big Time Rush wasn't the only fame on the plane. There were a few actors and such on the plane as well, flying first class. James had been to, well, just not himself, to talk to anyone. He didn't want it to get out that James was anxious or nervous because there was a girl waiting for him at home. And then, Camille and Jo were there waiting at the airport, that was enough to get a mob of fans.

James sees the girls, Kendall is hugging Jo and Logan is kissing Camille passionately, but James doesn't see Hailey. His heart drops.

But then Kendall moves his ass, and there she is.

A pale blue summer dress, long dark blonde hair free, hanging loosely over her shoulders. And in her hands a bouquet of flowers. James can't stop the smile that he feels coming on, why would he? She's there and she's beautiful.

He stands there before her, it almost seems surreal. She smiles up at him, and suddenly the crowd is silent. She holds the flowers out to him.

"For me?"

"Welcome back." Her voice is just as sweet, just as soft, just as smooth as it had been on the phone and before he left.

He takes the flowers in his hand and then puts his hand on cheek. He leans down, and touches their lips together. He doesn't care that the world is watching. That there are photographers and fans who will be posting this all over the internet and selling it to magazines. All he knows is that Hailey's lips feel like heaven. He's finally home.

It's a chaste kiss because James is sure that Hailey doesn't want to be portrayed in the magazines as a slut making out with James in the airport. When they pull apart, James realizes that the crowd is screaming louder than it was before. He hadn't even noticed. The world fell away when he kissed her.

The band has a duty to do, they sign a few autographs, take a few pictures and then they're off. James is holding Hailey's hand proudly. He's been longing to do it again ever since she got her teeth pulled. Then it hits him. He promised to take her out for a hamburger.

He leans over slightly and whispers in to her hair, "Are you hungry?"

She looks up at him with these eternally amused eyes and she says, "When am I not?"

James laughs, it's true. She hasn't changed; she's still the only girl to ever make James care. He smiles down at her, "Can I interest you in a hamburger?"

Her eyes go wide with delight and then she grins at him, "I seriously thought you'd never ask."

They can't go right away, the have to stop at the mansion to greet Mama K first of course. Hailey goes with them in the limo because Camille and Jo had insisted that she join them. Apparently they're becoming quite the trio. James is glad.

Mama K wants to cook them all a big dinner the next night since the boys still have one last show. Hailey is invited and she's given a great big hug by the fragile woman that James has come to love as his own mother.

James pulls Hailey to the side and they slip away while they can. James promised Hailey a burger and she was going to get it. They hop in his Audi and drive to the nearest burger joint they can find. He holds her hand the entire drive there.

They sit across from each other and James can't take his eyes off of her. Her bright blue eyes, her freckles, the definition of her cheekbones, the perfect mouth that James can't wait to kiss again and again and again.

She notices his stare and glances up from the menu. "What?" she asks smiling at him.

"You're so beautiful." He says truthfully, because she is. She is really so beautiful.

He missed the way her blush colors her cheeks. He missed the way she bit her lower lip.

She doesn't say anything in response; instead she moves her leg closer to James's. It's not suggestive or seductive; it's sweet and innocent, just a caring gesture. He appreciates it. He appreciates her and the way she's so different from every other woman he's ever been with.

James can't stop laughing or smiling as he watches the petite young woman in front of him scarf down her cheeseburger with more ferocity than most men do. She is wonderful.

James buys her a milkshake afterwards as well. He can only drink water. Milk isn't good when he has to sing. He watches her, and he completely satisfied with just watching her. He's satisfied with the simple contact that they have, legs touching, hands holding across the table. Having such an innocent relationship is strange for James. But he doesn't mind it. They'll have sex eventually, and even stranger, it's not even on the forefront of James's mind. He doesn't care. Because he doesn't need to have sex with Hailey to be able to even stand her like he did with other women. Hailey is genuine and real. James can enjoy himself around him so easily.

"I have a backstage pass for you." he tells her.

"Ooh. This will be so cool. You're playing the same arena we met in four months ago."

James hadn't even realized this, but now that he does, he's a bit more excited. He has to do extra good tonight; he has to impress Hailey even more.

After they've eaten and James has paid the bill, they have to head over to the stadium; everyone else is already over there. It seems like James is always the last one to show.

They all welcome Hailey easily and she sits with the other three girls and watches as the boys warm up their voices, harmonizing and going through their vocal ranges. James feels motivated to be better with her there watching. But in reality, James can't get much better, he's pretty perfect.

James sings his heart out, extra. And after the show, James goes with Hailey back to her apartment. He's tired and sweaty, so she lets him borrow her shower. He comes out in his boxers, and joins Hailey in her room. She's wearing a large t-shirt that drops down to mid-thigh, but James isn't sure she's wearing anything else.

She runs her fingers through his hair and ruffles it. He laughs when she says, "I've always wanted to do that."

He's leaning over her, hands on either side of her head, but it isn't anything sensual or seductive, James is lost in her deep blue eyes. Her face is all he's dreamt of these past three months and here she was right before him. She reaches up and pulls him down for a kiss. Their lips touch softly at first, experimentally, but then James presses himself more firmly against her. It's romantic the way they kiss. James can't help but think this is how they're first kiss should have been, would have been if he'd just gotten the balls to do it earlier.

They roll over on her bed and playfully kiss each other; their eye contact hardly ever breaks. They laugh, and whisper sweet nothings about how they missed each other. James is pretty sure he'll be in dire need of Chap Stick come morning. But he doesn't care. He doesn't mind. Nothing but Hailey is important at the moment.

They fall asleep together, Hailey held protectively in his arms, his chin resting atop her head. Her cheek is pressed to his bare chest. Hailey still has her shirt on, and James is still wearing his boxers.

What a strange relationship this is.

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><p><strong>AN: **So at the beginning I was pretty sure I wasn't going to like this chapter, but now, at the end, I have decided that it's really cute and I liked it a lot.

Reviews?


	21. Only Fooling Myself

**A/N: **So guess what guys! This chapter follows Hailey instead of James. Woot woot.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty One – Only Fooling Myself<strong>

_I stop to catch my breath, & I stop to catch your eye, no need to second-guess that you've been on my mind. Well I, I dream days away, but that's Ok… I'm only fooling myself, oh, but maybe when you smile it means you'd stay awhile._

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><p>To wake up, roll over and find a sleeping James Diamond in her bed is a privilege, that Hailey Whitley never thought that she would ever have the luxury of experiencing. And yet, there he is. Fast asleep, his arms still loosely holding her against him. It's been happening for the last week or so since he's been back home. He had spent almost every night with her since his return. She's worried that maybe she's suffocating him, even though he's the one that brought the duffel bag of clothing over without telling her. Hailey doesn't mind. She never minds anything that James does. Not anymore. She likes the way he plays with her hair, and the way he has this constant need to hold her hand. She likes how gentle he is with her, and how he always smiles when they kiss. She likes how he pulls her back into bed after she showers and tries to get ready for work.<p>

When she wakes up before him, Hailey turns over in his arms and studies his face. It's pure perfection. Really, it is. Hailey isn't quite sure he's real sometimes. How can someone be so flawless? She loves the way his skin is so naturally golden and tan. One of her favorite things about the man holding her is his eyes. He complains from time to time that he wishes he had prettier eyes. But Hailey doesn't think that a man could have prettier eyes. And don't even get her started on his eyelashes. When he blinks she knows that there's a hurricane stirring somewhere.

She feels a bit inadequate next to him. She's pretty, sure, she knows it. Maybe even bordering the beautiful line, but James Diamond is on a whole other level. She doesn't really know how this all happened. The night she met him after the concert, he'd been so wonderful and nice. But she had never expected to see him in person again. Then after the party she helped Shane cater, she thought that it was cool to meet him again, and even more so that he remembered who she was. The guy must meet thousands of people, she was so insignificant, but when he remembered her, well she was rather impressed. Then of course he showed up at her surf spot and they went on a non-date. It all snowballed from there really. Hailey began to like him more than she wanted to because she knew that he was James Diamond. Serial heartbreaker. But now, well….

James stirs, slowly blinking his eyes open. He peeks down at her from beneath the lids of his eyes, then closes them again, his hold on Hailey tightening. She laughs slightly and pushes away. "I still have to work today." She says.

James groans and covers his face with one hand. "No."

She sits up and says, "Yep." Popping the 'p'. "You sir, though, can stay here as long as you'd like."

"I think you should just stay. We can stay here, in your bed. Together." He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her back down on to the bed for a loving kiss. One thing that surprises Hailey quite a bit is that James has not pressured Hailey for sex. He hasn't brought the topic up, and he hasn't even tried to go there yet in bed.

Hailey is kind of glad though. No denying that she feels some major tension every time he touches her, but still. Hailey is kind of under the impression that making love is strictly for people in love. She knows that James Diamond is not under the same impression, but it's something she strongly believes in. She's not trying to be 'holier-than-thou' or anything like that, it's just, well, she has her reasons. So James will have to wait until Hailey falls in love with him, or he just won't get any. Hailey isn't one to lower her standards or make compromises when it comes to things that she believes in.

But the truth is, Hailey doesn't know what love feels like. She's never been in it, but she's seen enough of it to know, that this could be the makings of it. James gives her butterflies, he makes her heart pound. He makes her feel beautiful with the way he looks into her eyes. They can sit together for hours , talking, laughing or silence, she kind of feels like everything is right in the world with James.

"I need to take a shower." She pushes him from on top of her. James groans and falls onto his back.

"Make yourself useful and do something for breakfast." She tells him getting up. "Not cereal."

He laughs, "Okay."

She comes out with wet hair, wrapped in a towel; James slips an arm around her waist and kisses her the way Hailey sees people get kissed in movies. James of course, is this great kisser. He knows just what to do. He has a rather playful tongue.

"You smell good." He mumbles against her mouth.

James has told her time and time again that he loves the way she smells. He brought over his Cuda products, but every once in a while, he'll use her shampoo instead. Hailey loves the way that James smells too, of course. She loves that when she falls face down on her pillows her sheets smell like him. Because, well, it's a heavenly scent.

She blow dries her hair, and twists it up into a bun using some chopsticks that her friend Melissa got for her from China Town when she made a trip up to San Francisco. She applies her mascara and comes out of the bathroom to be greeted by the smell of burning toast.

"I'm not sure this whole cooking thing is for me." James says from the kitchen. Hailey slips on her heels before she joins him. She looks around him to the skillet he has on the stove. The scrambled eggs look, there's no other way to put it, they look scrambled.

She smiles and pats his cheek softly. "that's okay. I'm sure this…. Tastes delicious." She forces out looking down at it again.

"Ha, ha." James says sarcastically. "You better eat it. It's full of my blood, sweat and tears."

"Yum."

He puts it on a plate for her, he's got everything in her apartment memorized Hailey notices. After she had her teeth pulled, James took care of her properly.

After she eats the breakfast James made her, which isn't all that bad actually, they get into his car and he drives her to work. This whole thing is a little weird for Hailey, she feels like they're newlyweds or something. But the thought of marrying James is completely out of the question, right? It's just that when she's with James, everything is so perfect, she can't foresee them ending. She doesn't know how they ever could. Even though James was gone for three months, they had gotten to know each other just as they would have if he'd been present physically in her life. They fit well together, they suit each other.

But nothing stays golden, Robert Frost said so.

Things have changed for her at work. Her coworkers are much nicer to her, not that they were ever mean, but now they have an in with someone who knows someone famous. It's irritating. Hailey doesn't know how famous people do it. She hates when people are fake, their smiles, offers to get her coffee. It's all so annoying. There's this one woman though who works there. She hates Hailey, it doesn't bother her, in fact, she even respects the woman because she didn't go all gaga when she found out that Hailey was dating James Diamond. She hated her more, saying things like, "I don't know why he's dating someone so _average_." Like it was absolutely disgusting to just be average.

Shane picks her up for lunch. He's a big man driving a tiny black car. It's insanely old, Hailey is almost positive it won't pass smog either. But Shane chose to buy a nice house over a nice car. Hailey can't blame him. If his car stops running, he can always use the catering van.

They go to Shane's favorite restaurant. He's a chef, so he only likes to eat good food. According to him, a Hamburger isn't gourmet. Hailey thinks he's ridiculous. Of course a Hamburger is gourmet. It's delicious, how can it not be?

"So, how's the rock star?" Shane is referring to James of course. He doesn't like to call him by name.

"He's just fine." Hailey replies with a smile.

Shane still disapproves of James. Whether it's for a specific reason, or just because it's his duty as her brother, Hailey doesn't know. But she does know that when Jo asks him to cater her wedding that Shane will like James a lot better. James pitched it to Jo, and Jo went for it, taking James's word for it, because being James Diamond he would never recommend something that wasn't worth being recommended.

"Do you plan on telling mom and dad you have a famous boyfriend?" Shane asks.

Hailey shakes her head. "No."

"Do you plan on telling them that you have a boyfriend at all?"

Hailey looks down at the food on her plate. "Probably not for a while."

"Why?"

"Because mom will make it into something it's not."

"I don't understand."

"Mom has been telling me to get married since I was sixteen. Like literally telling me, 'you have my go ahead to get knocked up and produce grandchildren as soon as you possibly can', Shane." She pauses and shrugs, "and I like James, I like him a lot. I see us being together for a while, but I highly doubt the wedding bells are ringing."

There are a lot of obstacles standing in the way of that future. It's a future that will never exist, but Hailey likes to entertain the idea. Almost like she's one of his teenage fan girls. But every time she gets as far as walking down the aisle in a white dress. Everything keeping that from being a reality plays like a montage in her head. For one, he's a super star, she's not. Secondly James doesn't believe in love. That just puts a halt on everything. Once she remembers that, there's no point anymore. It's not even fun to pretend that he does. Every other reason is less significant than that one.

Why Hailey has agreed to pointless relationship is kind of hard for her to explain. After all, her main objective in life is to settle down, have a family and make a home. She could say that it was just for fun. But it'd feel like a lie. She likes James. More than likes. Maybe on the verge of loves. But it's kind of depressing when you realize all the serious feelings are one sided. James might like her, enjoy her company, find her beautiful, but in the end, would he ever love her?

"What are you doing this weekend?" Hailey changes the topic.

"Elliot and I are going to the Giants/Dodgers game. Who knows maybe we'll get beat up like that one guy and get to meet the team. A signed ball from Lincecum or Posey would be sick."

Hailey shakes her head. Her brother is so ridiculous. He's always been that way. "So." Shane says. "You and Elliot seem to be getting pretty close again."

She knows what he's implying. "There's nothing between us."

"Fuck that." Shane said, "The last time I listened to that line from the both of you, I found out you'd been dating behind my back for a year. Part of me still hates that bastard for it-"

"I'm with James now, Shane."

"Quite honestly, I'd rather you dated my best friend. I wouldn't get as long of a life sentence if I killed him. I'd be on death row instantaneously if I killed _James Diamond_."

Hailey laughs. Her brother talks big, but he doesn't mean anything by it. That's not to say he's harmless, because honestly, he's not. Shane can kick some ass, but he'd never kill anyone. Injure them, sure.

"Seriously though, Hails." Shane looks her dead in the eyes. "What's going on there? You can tell me."

"Ha!" She shakes her head. "I'm sure."

"No, I want to know."

Hailey glances around the room before she meets her older brother's eyes again. "Elliot and I are done. At least for now. I lo-like James. If we don't last and Elliot wants to try a relationship for real, then I'll deal with that when the time comes."

"Do you still have feelings for him?"

"Sure." She says without hesitation. She'll always harbor some type of feelings for Elliot. He was her first. Her first everything. That doesn't just go away. "But like I said, now it's me and James. My feelings for Elliot aren't strong enough for me to give this up. I like James more than I've liked anyone since Elliot."

"Okay."

He leaves it at that.

James picks Hailey up after work. She can't wait to kiss him when she gets in the car. Kissing James is a good thing.

"I packed you clothes." James says pulling out of the parking lot. "We're staying at my place tonight. I miss my bed. And air conditioning. It's hotter than hell; I don't know how you do without it."

Hailey is a welcome guest at the Big Time Rush residence. Everyone in the family has taken a liking to her. Not to mention she's become great friends with Jo and Camille. Hailey has been going out on the weekends helping them out with wedding things.

Both girls are lounging on the couch when James and Hailey arrive. It almost feels like coming home. As if she's always been a part of the Big Time Rush family, as if she'd been there from the very beginning. They race to greet her and steal her from James. Who simply smiles and goes to find the boys. But he's got her bag of clothes hanging on his shoulder. It's pretty cute. The bag is pink and he's wearing these dark wash denim jeans, a black V-neck and his favorite black leather jacket.

Jo is filling Hailey in on wedding information that she missed. Then Jo pauses. "Hailey." She says, "Would you want to be a bride's maid? I need one more because Kendall has three groomsmen."

Hailey is shocked. "What, wait Jo, really?"

"Yeah, I mean, we've been becoming really good friends lately, I really like you. So I think it would be great."

Hailey launches herself at Jo for a hug. They girls are a mess of giggles when the boys join them. Jo immediately tells Kendall the news and they all get excited talking about the wedding. Carlos tells them he has a date to the wedding. He won't tell them who it is. They all try to get it out of him. But there's no luck.

Hailey showers later in the evening and joins the festivities that take place in the kitchen. Hailey gets to teach Jo and Camille something about cooking. Hailey's actually pretty good at it. She gets her recipes from Shane. Jo tells her that if her brother can make food even better than what she did, he'll get the catering job for sure. Hailey assures her that he can.

"How was your lunch with him?" James asks leaning on the counter next to her.

She shrugs, "Fine. We went somewhere nice."

"You never let me take you anywhere nice." James points out.

"You've been gone for three months, there was no time. Besides, Shane said hamburgers aren't gourmet food, he and all those dumb restaurants are so wrong. They're like the best thing ever created, how can they not be gourmet?"

James laughs long and heartily. Hailey likes the sound of it. She likes knowing that she makes him laugh so easily.

They all sit down in the dark of the living room with a big bowl of popcorn and a gallon of Neapolitan ice cream. They each have spoons and as unsanitary as it is, no one seems to care. They're all basically family, right? Not, but still, no one minds. Hailey thinks that she would never do this with anyone else. She's amazed that she's doing it with them.

It's a romantic comedy. Surprisingly none of the guys complain about it. Hailey is impressed by their maturity.

As she watches the movie cuddled up next to James, she looks at the couple beside them. Kendall and Jo are so in love. She is envious. It's what she wants. One day she wants to have a ring on her finger, knowing that the man holding her so dearly is the one who will hold her that way for the rest of her life.

She has her hand on James's chest; she can hear the steady beat of his heart, feel his chest rise and fall. James will never love her like that. But when she realizes that, her chest hurts. It gets tight and she even begins to feel her eyes water.

She watches the couple on the movie look into each other's eyes and confess their love. If she ever told James that she loved him, he wouldn't say it back.

His voice is ringing in her head with the same words that have been ringing since she heard him saying them.

_I never saw any love growing up. I saw what it looks like after it's died, I saw the devastation it left in it's wake. You can't have love without pain, and to me it just isn't worth it._

The words break her heart and she pities him. But most of all she looks down upon herself. Why is she here? Why did she even let it start after he ever told her that?

But then James kisses the top of her head and everything else just kind of slipps away. Maybe things can change for James. Maybe Hailey can be the one to make a difference. If she isn't she prays that he would find the one. But his sweet little gestures make her think that maybe, just maybe he would stay.

She's only fooling herself. James is James, to him, there is no such thing as love. He can never say those three words Hailey would eventually long to hear.

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><p><strong>AN: **So, what did you think? You got to see inside of Hailey's head. I'll probably do a few more of these eventually.

Reviews?


	22. Teasing To Please

**A/N: **So, back to James. Hope you all liked the last chapter, I didn't get many responses to it.

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty One – Teasing To Please<strong>

_I'm as selfish as selfish comes, but you give me a run for my money, honey._

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><p>Everyone has been getting into wedding mode. The date is in November, and it's only August, which means there's still plenty of time. James doesn't get why everyone is so frantic. Well, it's late August but that still gives everyone about two months.<p>

"James," Hailey says running her fingers through his hair. He's never let anyone touch his hair before. The couple is just relaxing on the couch; he has his head in her lap. "Weddings are a big deal. They take a lot of time and preparation. Some people plan their weddings for _years_. Just so everything is perfect."

"I still don't get it." He picks up a magazine off the coffee table and holds it up so he can read the headlines. They aren't about him or anyone he knows, so he tosses back onto the table.

"For a lot of people, weddings are the most important days of their lives, only to be followed by the birth of their children. It's the day that two people who love each other more than anyone or anything else in the world make the promise that no matter what happens, they'll always love each other. They'll always be together. They'll never leave each other."

"Well, more than fifty percent of those people break that promise."

"Why are you so pessimistic?"

"It's how I was raised."

She looks down at him with these big sad eyes, but James can't stand it, so he looks away from her. Hailey has a tendency to give him that look when he makes comments that refer to how awful his childhood was until they arrived in Hollywood. But the looks that she gives him almost make him feel guilty.

"I guess it doesn't matter to me." James says. "I will never get married."

Hailey doesn't respond. She just threads her fingers through her hair, and looks straight ahead instead of down at James. He feels like he's said something wrong. He wants to see her face, but she won't look back at him. He reaches up to touch her cheek, but again, there's no response. He frowns. Hailey knows that he doesn't believe in love. What point would there be in getting married if he didn't love the person he was marrying?

"Hai-"

"Hailey!" Jo exclaims running into the living room. "You, come on, we're going shopping for brides maids dresses."

James sits up and Hailey gets off the couch, but she still hasn't met his eyes. "Yay!" James girlfriend smiles at Jo.

Camille comes running in and throws her arms around Hailey, "today will be great. It'll be like our pre-bachelorette party."

"I don't want one." Jo tells Camille.

Camille looks to Hailey, "that's what she says now."

James knows what goes on at bachelor and bachelorette parties. He's not sure he's comfortable with Hailey attending one. But then again, when did he become so possessive? It's kind of, sort of not cool. He's never been this way before, it makes him wonder if there's something wrong with him.

"Hey, if you're taking my lady, what am I supposed to do all day?" James stands.

"You're coming with us." Kendall comes striding in with Logan and Carlos following close behind. "They are going bride's maids dress shopping, so we are all going to get our tuxes."

Kendall takes Jo into his arms and gives her a farewell kiss. Logan does something similar with Camille, but James just tilts Hailey's chin up to face him.

"What's wrong?" He whispers. She takes his hand from her face and puts it back down by his side. "Nothing." She smiles. But she's bothered, he can tell.

"I'll see you later." She said pulling his face down and pecking him on the lips. Then her back was turned and she was heading out with the other girls. James frowns. Has he said something? He watches her go feeling slightly confused.

Following the girls, the four boys get into Logan's Escalade.

Most of the day is spent trying to get Carlos to spill details on his date to the wedding and why he goes to physical therapy sessions so much when his arm is just fine now. But Carlos is strong and silent when it comes to things he doesn't want other people to know. He laughs at their futile attempts.

Since the wedding color is red, the boys get black suits with red ties and waist coats. Sometimes it's still hard for James to believe that Kendall is getting married. It makes sense, but it's just one of those things. The inevitable finally happening. Kendall and Jo are meant for each other, born to be together, soul mates if you will. James gets that, he understands that most people fall in love. He sincerely hopes that his best friend's marriage works out and that the two stay in love. James just feels as though he was born without a missing piece. He was a whole. He doesn't need someone to complete him. Someone else would just tear him apart not piece him together. But even if he does have missing pieces, he's not willing to go find them.

It makes him wonder what it is that makes people like Hailey so brave. She isn't afraid of the heartbreak that might be heading her way as she searches for that one person that makes it all worthwhile. What made her believe that it was out there, so adamantly, that she would get a constant reminder permanently written on her skin?

Sometimes he's just a little bit envious of her. Maybe James is just afraid that if he goes out and searches for the one that will make it all worthwhile, he's never going to find her. He'll have endured all the pain that comes along with it for nothing.

He misses her all of the sudden. He's got his tux on, looking as fine as any human possibly can, but as he looks at his reflection, he feels as if there should be a short, dirty blonde, blue eyed, hopeless romantic, bank-teller standing beside him. Smiling up at him. He's only been shopping with Hailey once, but it was fun. He wants to know what she'd say if she saw him dressed up all snazzy. But he'll just have to wait until the wedding, when he can see her in her bride's maids dress. He's absolutely positive she will look ravishing.

James wonders if she's alright, because the way they left things that afternoon is still kind of bothering him. He doesn't know why what he said would have upset her. She knows that it's his parent's fault that he's so jaded. She knows that he doesn't believe in love. But he doesn't like the way she walked away.

He wonders if she's having fun with her new found friends. He wonders if they're talking about their relationships. Katie is the only one who isn't in one, much like Carlos, but then again, Carlos might be in one, they don't know yet. But James wants to know what Hailey tells the other girls about him, she no doubts tells them her real feelings, though James hasn't really known her to hold back what she's thinking or feeling.

"James, what's up, you look like you're constipated." Kendall pats him on the back.

James narrows his eyes and lets out a short humorless laugh, "Ha. Ha." He says, "so funny Kendall."

"I should have been a comedian." He grins.

"No." James says, "you'd get booed off stage."

Kendall rolls his eyes, "so what's got your brain frying?"

James shrugs, "Do you ever wonder what the girls are talking about?"

"All the time." Kendall replies.

"They talk about us." Logan joins them. They're all dressed identically. Carlos is modeling in the mirror next to Kendall.

"How do you know?" Kendall's quirks one thick brow.

"I asked." Logan says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"But Hailey's with them now-"

"I asked like two days ago." Logan tells him tugging on his jacket, admiring himself in James's mirror.

"Soon," Carlos says, dusting off his shoulders. "There will be a fourth girlfriend joining the group."

It changes the topic back to getting Carlos to telling them who his mystery lady is. He still doesn't of course.

When the boys are done getting their wedding tuxes, they go out to lunch. One of their usual spots, it's a nice five star restaurant. James wonders why they always eat at such fancy places, instead of regular place likes a normal group of guys would. It's probably his fault. But still, it's weird.

The waiter brings them menus and James finds himself looking for hamburgers on the gourmet menu. He's been eating them so much; he's starting to agree with her, they should be gourmet. He pulls out his phone and sends her a text.

_At a gourmet restaurant, looking for hamburgers on the menu.:)_

He orders some type of grilled salmon instead of a hamburger though, they aren't on the menu. Halfway through the meal, James realizes that Hailey hasn't replied to his message. He frowns slightly, something's wrong.

Or, he's just being stupid and clingy like the girls he hated. Hailey is with friends, and as long as the friends don't include Elliot, James is fine with that. She's probably trying on dress after dress, phone in her bag; she's not checking it every second.

When they leave though, James feels his pocket vibrate. He takes it out and smiles; _you can't eat any without me!_

Maybe nothing is wrong. He's just over analyzing. But that makes his frown once more, he's never been like this. He knows that this relationship is full of firsts for him. The first he actually pursued someone. The first time he ever really liked the girl. The first time he had someone to miss while on tour. The first time a girl made him nervous, and the first time a girl wouldn't get out of his head. The first time he's dated a girl for longer than two weeks without sex. It's the first time he's ever been possessive or jealous. But James is kind of worried as to where all these firsts might be heading. Because he likes being around Hailey way too much. He likes everything about her.

The boys head home, and try to occupy themselves until their female companions come home. But girls being girls will spend much more time shopping than the guys will. They might be home alone for a while. Mama K and Kenneth went to stay at a beach resort for a week so she could relax, so they boys were actually home alone. It's strange.

James hits the in-home gym. Carlos joins him; he's been trying to get more definition lately. James assumes it's because he has a new lady friend. Whether James is made aware of her identity or not doesn't really matter, he's just glad Carlos finally has a new love interest. It's been a long time since Carlos has actually had a relationship. He and the brunette Jennifer from the Palm Woods were dating for close to a year, but complications arose and they broke up. It kind of messed him up for a while. Carlos had thought she was the one, after all he'd wanted her for so long.

But really, Carlos's experience just proves James right. It hurts to fall in love, to give someone your whole heart, and if you aren't the one getting hurt, you're hurting someone else. To James Diamond, it's not worth it. He doesn't know why it is to everyone else.

The girls come home after three or four hours. James has just showered and he's still towel drying his hair as he comes down the stairs shirtless so that he can meet Hailey at the door. But in walks Jo, Camille and Katie. Hailey isn't with them.

They're all greeted by the other three boys who are already downstairs.

"Hey! Katie, it's been a while, you avoid us like the plague when we aren't on tour." Kendall wraps an arm around his little sister.

"Yeah, I wonder why." She says quietly, but Kendall just smiles and ruffles her hair.

"Hey." Camille says to James, arms around Logan.

"Hey." He replies, "Where's Hailey?"

"Oh." Jo says looking kind of confused, "I thought you knew, we took her home, she said she was running out of clothes, and she's got work tomorrow, so yeah."

"Oh." James plays it off like he's just forgotten. But that wasn't the plan. And it wasn't even true. Hailey still had one of her Chase shirts hanging in his closets and one of her favorite skirts with it.

They all go to the kitchen to fix something for dinner, but James goes back to his room. His phone is quickly pressed against his ear, and he paces as he waits impatiently for her phone to ring.

"Hello?"

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm making soup." She replies nonchalantly.

"I mean, why are you there, when you should be here?"

Hailey pauses, "I-"

He waits.

"I feel like I'm smothering you, James. Or something close to it, I don't know."

"What do you mean?" He asks, "I want you here, don't you think that if I didn't, I would make that clear?"

"I just… you continually make all these comments about how hopeless love is and how pointless relationships are, and I just, I wonder why I'm even in one with you when that's how you really feel."

He's silent. He's never really noticed how often he speaks his mind on things like that since no one else points it out to him. But she has a point.

"None of those were directed at you." He says.

"It doesn't matter whether they were or not. If this means nothing to you, then why are we doing it?"

"It doesn't mean nothing." He replies immediately, without hesitance. Because it's true. Their relationship means something; James just doesn't quite know what.

They're quiet for a long time. He can hear her moving about the kitchen on the other end, but he wishes that she was there with him or vice versa.

"I want to be with you." He tells her.

"I want to be with you too." She answers, "but-"

"No," James won't even let her start. "But nothing. We want to be together, who cares if we don't get married or even last for six months, why does it matter? Why can't we just be together for as long as it works between us?"

"Okay." She says.

"Can I come over?"

"No." But she continues quickly, "I'm tired, it was a long day. But I'll come back over tomorrow."

They hang up, and things seem like they'll be fine. But James isn't quite sure. He wants it to be okay though.

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><p><strong>AN: **So, how was it?

Leave me a review!


	23. Shiver

**A/N: **What will go down in this chapter? Not sure, beware, I'm writing this with no idea planned out.

Chapter Rating: T.

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Three – Shiver<strong>

_I catch myself staring at your face when you aren't awake. I just can't help it… it's the little things that create a storm inside of me, and every time we're close, I shiver._

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><p>James doesn't remember time ever moving as quickly as it has been lately. It's not August anymore, it's the last week of September and the wedding is slowly closing in on everyone. James has been getting a slightly queasy feeling whenever he thinks about it. The last wedding he went to was for Mama Knight and Kenneth, but he'd gotten the same feeling then too. It was the whole idea of weddings; it goes against everything he believes in. Or doesn't believe in really.<p>

But he never says anything. Not to anyone, and especially not to Hailey. The last time he made a remark about it he almost lost her. Well, no, not really, but still, she'd questioned why they were even together. That wasn't good. So he just sits back and watches only doing what is required of him as best man. Even though he doesn't really enjoy weddings, he's been having a lot of fun just watching Hailey. She's ecstatic, always talking about it. James even wonders if Hailey is on her way as replacing Camille as Jo's best friend and replacing Jo as Camille's best friend. Even Katie gets all girly when they four of them are together planning the wedding. It's weird. But James likes seeing Hailey happy.

She's folding her laundry, telling James about Shane's ideas for the wedding and how the food will be set up. Shane has been a lot fonder of James lately. They're at the mansion because Hailey's apartment doesn't have a washer and dryer, she normally goes to the Laundromat, but James has a perfectly good washer and dryer in the mansion. James is sitting on the dryer watching her as she smiles folding shirts and pants, and trying his best not to laugh when she blushes as she folds her unmentionables quickly and hides them away from him. It's so cute how innocent she is. Hailey seems really innocent to James, which to James, as adorable as it is, might not be a good thing. Because fuck, they still haven't had sex and his hand can only do so much. James has been trying his best to contain himself and hold himself back, but he is seriously getting to a point where waiting might be causing him to losing his mind. James has never asked, but he is kind of worrying about whether or not Hailey is a virgin. He wouldn't really know what to do if she was. But at the same time, he doesn't really like the thought of Hailey having sex with anyone else, even if it was in the past. He's so torn over pushing things to that point. When he has his hands on her body, when she looks up into his eyes dark, heavy breathing, lips ravished, sometimes it's really hard not to take things further. But the thing about it is, that he hasn't even really tried. He doesn't know why, but maybe he's just scared that she'll push him away. James doesn't have very much experience with rejection so he doesn't know how to handle it well. If Hailey were to push him away, he'd probably act childish, pout and walk away.

But Hailey's tank-top has slipped off her shoulder and so has the strap of her bra, and as her arms move about folding the clothes, he can't help but watch her breasts bounce slightly. Her words have begun to fade out and James is just staring.

"James?"

He swallows hard and coughs, "yes?"

She just looks up at him, smiling coyly. For the first time, James feels like he's blushing. He's been caught in the act of admiring.

"Nothing." She replies looking rather smug returning back to her laundry.

* * *

><p>James Diamond is not happy. He's stuck at the recording studio, along with the other men in Big Time Rush, all day long. And when I say all day, I mean all day. It's three in the afternoon, on a Saturday, and he's been there since seven in the morning. He won't be leaving until eight tonight. Normally he wouldn't mind so much, but tonight, he is beyond pissed off. Why? Its Hailey's only day off this week. He doesn't get to spend it with her. <em>Elliot<em> gets to spend it with her. James has been gripping the mic stand so tightly that his knuckles turn white and it might break in half at any moment. No one tells him anything either, because now, having seen Elliot, the boys totally agree that he has every right to be stupidly possessive and jealous when it comes to Hailey hanging out with him. Of course, James told Hailey it was fine.

"Yeah, sure." James had said, "I don't mind."

She'd smiled a little bit too wide after he said that, in James's opinion.

He regrets telling her that he doesn't mind. But he doesn't want to seem like a petty jealous boyfriend, after all, she didn't complain when he had to do that romantic scene on Camille's show when he got back from the tour. Hailey never complains about him or anything he does, she never seems jealous or upset or petty the way James feels often when it comes to her. Hailey trusts him, believes in him, has faith in him, probably a bit too much of all three.

"Can I get you something Mr. Diamond?"

James looks up from his cell phone. The boys are on a twenty minute break, it's not long enough to get off and go see Hailey, and it wouldn't be fair for him to ask her to cancel plans just to see him for a few minutes.

Standing there is a young man, probably only a few years younger than him, most likely working his way through college with the hopes and dreams of becoming a record produced himself one day. He's interning for Gustavo, but James can't remember his name. The young man is Kelly's replacement while she's on maternity leave. She had the baby while the boys were on tour; they went to see the beautiful little girl Natasha Amy Roque. Her middle name was after Gustavo's favorite aunt who recently passed. James was astonished at how anything related to Gustavo could be beautiful, but he had held the little girl. She'd been so fragile and light in his arms, and he'd been slightly overwhelmed holding her. He'd never felt such a feeling as he had when he held her. Like the world had calmed, as if someone so beautiful and innocent, so sweet and brand new was brought in to the world, then maybe the world couldn't be such a bad place. It was better just by her being in it. He'd never held a baby before that. He understands why people love them now.

"Could you get me a bottle of water?" he says charming and polite. Really he wants to growl, but he's a good actor and he can manage that much.

"Of course, sir."

The sir part makes him feel old. But he's not, he's only twenty-five. He's still in his prime. He'll probably be in his prime into his late fifties.

When the young man returns, he says, "There you are, Mr. Diamond."

He winces, "just James, all right?"

"Yes sir, I mean sure thing… James." It comes out awkwardly and James knows the kid was just trying to be professional, but still. Mr. Diamond was his father, or well, it was the man who donated his sperm to James's mother. As for fathering, he didn't really do much else than that.

James can't help but wonder what Hailey is doing with that fucking prince charming bastard, Elliot. Every time he pictures the douche, he sees him on a horse with combed hair wearing a big puffy pirate shirt, the strings untied, his chest exposed, wearing leather boots and riding chaps. It disgusts him. Especially because he thinks that Hailey would look absolutely perfect in a corset and silky floor length skirt with a crown on top of her head and braided hair. They look fucking magical together. James whole-heartedly disapproves of this image.

He should be picturing Hailey in a glamorous dress on the red carpet next to him in some thousand dollar suit, the two of them looking fucking amazing. He does often picture them that way, but it's all lost in comparison to the way he envisions she and Elliot together. Especially since now he knows that they used to date. A long time ago or not, there's no way Elliot just wants to be friends with her. James is the only thing standing in the way of changing that. He will stand there as long as he can.

"James." Gustavo says, "I told you to write a song for me over four months ago, why isn't it done yet?"

"It's a work in progress." James replies nonchalantly. The truth is he hasn't even sat down at the piano to see if anything came to mind.

"I want that song James Diamond."

"You'll get it. Eventually."

"Not good enough, I need it soon." Gustavo crosses his arms.

"I don't do love, it doesn't compute, have one of the other guys write it. From what I hear Carlos is pretty much in it." James throws out there.

"Hey!" Carlos says, but he doesn't say anything else because James is right as always. Carlos maybe hasn't said it out loud or admitted it, but he's been talking and privately dating this mystery woman for a while now.

"James, I assigned this to you." Gustavo says sternly.

"Don't practice your parenting on me." James spits.

Gustavo throws his arms up into the air and shakes his head. "James, just fucking write the song."

Practice and recording only seems to take longer after that especially since he's dying to text his girlfriend. But as said before, he doesn't want to seem stupid and petty. So he dances half-heartedly. He sings with less vigor. He's just plain moping and the guys are getting a kick out of making fun of him for it.

When he finally does get out of the studio, he hops into his Audi and drives over to Hailey's apartment, but there is a car parked in his usual spot. A silver Honda. It's Elliot's car. James scowls. Why is he still here? It's close to nine. James is so not pleased. But he plasters on his best smile. He won't let Elliot win, he'll show him that he and Hailey have a good thing, they trust each other. Their relationship, It's working.

James is just about to knock when the door swings open.

"James!" Elliot exclaims. "Hey man, what's up?"

James shrugs, "not much, just here to see Hailey."

Hailey pops out from around him and smiles brightly at him. And it's that smile that makes James realize he's such an asshole for being jealous.

Hailey wraps her arms around James and tip toes up to kiss his cheek. He finds himself smiling, what did he have to worry about?

"Well," Elliot says, "I was just on my way out."

Hailey gives Elliot a hug and a peck on the cheek as well, but it's different from the way she attaches herself to James. James is so stupid.

Elliot and James handshake like men. Then James and Hailey put their arms around each other and upon Hailey's command; they stand outside in the cool air watching Elliot as he leaves. Getting into his car, pulling out and driving down the street.

Then they go in. Once the door is closed, Hailey grins and pulls him to the couch, where she immediately kisses him. James is a bit surprised, but he's not complaining, not at all. Hailey is a good kisser, even if it was Elliot who taught her.

She breaks off for air and she says, "Can I interest you in dinner?"

James is starved, but he's more starved for something other than food. So instead of an answer he just pulls her back into his lap and reattaches himself to her mouth. She bites his lower lip and James can't fight the groan that erupts from his throat. His hand moves up her thigh playing with the fringe of her short shorts. He wants them off.

But suddenly she was out of his lap, he didn't even know how it happened, she was just gone.

"Elliot and I made spaghetti." She says from the kitchen.

"I ate at the studio not too long ago." He tells her from the couch.

She frowns and then returns to the living room. "How was the studio?" She sits a good distance away from him. It's James turn to frown, he's kind of hoping that they could just pick up where they left off, talk after it's over. He's dying of sexual frustration these days.

"It was fine," he replies, "I would have rather spent the day with you, but you know, I'm glad you and Elliot had a good time."

She smiles and he doesn't like that but he goes on to say, "What did you guys do?"

She reclines on the couch and stretches out her slender legs to that her knees are in his lap. "Not much. We went grocery shopping for him of course, although I should probably do that, but seeing as I never know which house I'll be at it would be pointless to buy milk and let it go bad."

James internally grins. Hailey has been spending many nights at the Rush residence. Of course he's been wishing lately that those nights included more, much more than cuddling. He's a man, he can only hold out for so long.

"He made me lunch, one of his mom's old recipes, I always loved her cooking."

James internally frowns.

"We reminisced a lot, today was kind of a historic day for us."

James tries not to let it show, but that statement right there bothers him. What the fuck does that even mean it was a historic day for us?

"How so?"

She shakes her head and looks up to the ceiling and replies with, "I'd rather not talk about it."

He scowls freely because it's not like she's looking at him. What the hell was today? The day that Elliot asked her out all those years ago? Their first kiss? The first time they-, well James doesn't know whether Hailey is a virgin or not and it'd be kind of odd to just ask out of the blue. He'll be left wondering.

"Can I take a shower?" James asks, he doesn't want to despise Elliot in front of Hailey.

Hailey pulls her legs out of his lap and sits up, "sure."

He follows her about the apartment even though he already knows where everything is. She gets him a towel and tip toes up to peck him on the lips before she shuts the door and leaves him in the bathroom. He decides to take a cold shower. Maybe he'll be able to hold out a little while longer.

He's not sure how long he's in there, probably longer than he should be, but eventually he does get out. He uses her baby lotion, like always, his hair smells like Herbal Essence, and his body like some kind of pomegranate scrub, but it smells good so he doesn't mind. He likes the way Hailey smells, but he likes it more when Hailey smells like him. It's one of those things that puts James on edge. Seeing her wear his shirts, her wet hair after the shower, when she smells like his Cuda products, James has trouble keeping his hands to himself.

He just puts his boxers back on, he doesn't like to sleep with anything else. His clothes are folded and the towel is hung neatly on the rack. He's never reused a towel before, but Hailey makes him. She had said it was because she was the one that had to pay for laundry, but that's not even true anymore because she does it at his house. But he's used to it now.

He leaves his folded clothes on the edge of the couch. The kitchen light has been turned off and the one in the living room is dimmed to the lowest setting. He turns it off and goes into Hailey's bedroom. She's wearing one of his old t-shirts, and not much else, a pair of knee-high socks and her usual pair of boy shorts underwear. They sleep together like they're well sleeping together, but they aren't. Well literally they are, but you get the idea.

James climbs on to her bed. She's at the dresser looking at something, but she's only there a moment more before she joins James. They lie together without talking. Her head is resting on his shoulder, her arm draped across his chest. She runs her fingers across it, sending shivers down his spine. Cold shower didn't work.

James maneuvers so that he can kiss her. It starts out slow and sweet, innocent like most of their kisses but then it's not. Then it's this different kind of kiss. They can't get enough of each other. She sucks on his lower lip, she does it often, and it's one of James's favorite things when they kiss. But when she put her hands in his hair, things get hazy. Touching his hair in heated moments, pulling on in the way she does makes James this ravenous creature. Hailey's hands have the pleasure of roaming down his back, feeling the definition of his muscles, being awed. Hailey has this definitive taste to her, her skin is sweet. James kisses, nibbling, suckling, his way down her jawline, down her neck, teeth grazing her collarbone. In return she bites his ear, his response is to suck harder on her skin until he gets this tiny gasp from her, followed by a muffled moan. It's a sound that James has never heard before, and most definitely one that he wants to hear again. He makes his way back to her lips, his own hands doing some exploring of their own. He's propped up on his elbows mostly. Her shirt has been lifted slightly, the exposed skin of their abdomens are touching, making contact, setting fire to both of the owners. One of his hands has made its way entirely up her shirt. Hailey is braless, and he's got one of her breasts pressed into the palm of his hand. He's been here before, made it his far with her, but the feel of her in his hands is always a sensation that brings him great excitement, her breasts fit so perfectly in the palm of his hands, like they were specially made for him to hold. His other hand has traveled south, he's gripping her thigh, as he's between her legs, her knee is brushing against his ribs, and there are really only two articles of clothing keeping them from taking the plunge, two extremely easily removable articles of clothing. So his hand goes to make work of them. His fingers trace along the lining of her panties. He wants them off so bad, and so far, she hasn't been complaining, maybe this will be it. He hooks one finger into the fabric, and then Hailey pushes him off of her.

She scrambles out of the bed. "Holy fucking shit." She says.

James's jaw drops, more from the fact that he's only heard her curse several times, rather than the fact that she pushed him off.

"Oh jeez, shit, I mean, shoot, fuck. Oh damn it!" She curses repeatedly, she's so flustered it's so cute; James can't really bring himself to get upset while he's watching her freak out.

"I'm sorry, James." She says, "I'm so sorry."

He leans back on her bed, and then realizes that he probably should lean forward instead because his boxers have pitched a tent.

She crawls back onto the bed but keeps a safe distance, no contact between them.

"I'm sorry." She says again.

James leans forward just a bit more and pushes a strand of almost golden hair behind her ear. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I just can't James, I'm sorry." She doesn't meet his eyes, "but hell, I fucking want to."

James laughs for a second, "Why can't you?" He tilts up her chin so that she has to look him in the eyes. "You aren't a-"

She cuts him off, "No, I'm not a virgin."

He's relieved for a second until he comes to the realization that a certain someone that he loathes probably has her v-card. He doesn't say anything about that though, if he's right he doesn't want to know. He doesn't want to know. He doesn't want to picture it happening. Because he hasn't had the chance to do it yet.

"Then what?" he asks.

She sits cross-legged and takes a deep breath. "I-" She pauses and takes another breath. "You know the Kaleidoscope I have on my coffee table?"

James nods, he's been wondering about that Kaleidoscope since the first time he saw it, he's just never found the right moment to ask about it.

"Well, in high school, my best friend was Jessica Hamilton. She was beautiful, blonde hair, blue-eyes, born to be a model, tall, skinny, she just had this confidence that drew everyone to her, you know? Kind of like your confidence. It was her Kaleidoscope" She says looking down.

James thinks that Hailey's best friend sounds just like her, except for the tall part of course.

"Well, we, we lost our virginities around the same time, right?"

James's worst nightmare has been confirmed. If Hailey lost it in high school, it was to Elliot. Aside from him, she didn't date anyone again until college. But James just nods and lets her continue.

"I was with Elliot." When she says it out loud it's so much worse. James would much rather Hailey be a virgin right now and be the one to teach her the ways and the pleasures that sex brings. "She was a boy named Richard."

James wonders where this story is going because he sure as hell doesn't just want to listen about Hailey and Elliot, especially not if they had a foursome.

"Elliot and I stayed together for a long time after we you know, did it. But Richard and Jessica broke up soon after. He broke up with her of course. And Jessica got depressed. You know she gave it up to a boy who left her. She was a cliché. She hated it. Everyone told her that it was okay, he was just a jerk, and she would find someone else one day."

Hailey's voice has gotten serious and suddenly James has a really bad feeling about this whole story.

"But Jessica never found someone else, because she… she committed suicide only a few months after Richard left her. And so we kind of made a pact, the girls that were really close to her, that we wouldn't just have sex with anyone, it would have to be someone really special, someone that we loved, we had to be positive that this person wasn't going to hurt us or leave us the way Richard left Jessica. But it was just a really tragic affair, because Richard died soon after as well."

"Did he-"

"Drunk driving."

Hailey hasn't looked up at him in a while now.

James puts his arms around Hailey and pulls her into him. Her cheek rests on his chest, and James rubs up and down her arm slowly, soothingly. He doesn't think she's crying, but what it must be like to lose your best friend. James doesn't know how he would function without the boys.

"I'm sorry, Hailey." He whispers into her hair.

"It was a long time ago." She replies quietly.

"That doesn't matter."

"Earlier, when I said I didn't want to talk about why it was a historic day, it's because today was the day."

James feels so terrible suddenly. Poor Hailey, all resentment felt for Elliot is dropped and he just holds Hailey tightly to him. He wants to comfort her, he wants to keep her safe, make her comfortable. He wants to tell her that he would never leave her the way that Richard left Jessica. But he stops himself, he can't make a promise that he can't keep. The inevitable will happen and James and Hailey will break up, most likely because of him. So instead he just keeps her close.

Hailey gets up and walks to her dressed, she returns to the bed with a picture. "This was her."

It's a picture of young Hailey with a beautiful girl beside her, their arms wrapped around each other, smiles wide on both faces. Jessica had platinum blonde hair that reached just below her waist, and she was very skinny, but she was pretty. James imagines that if she were still living that he would have known her.

James sings her to sleep; he knows that she loves his voice, so she doesn't have to ask. He sings her Hey There Delilah and World Wide, and a few others, but soon she's dozed off in his arms. He closes his own eyes and nestles his chin atop her head.

It was so sad, this story. James feels so bad for Hailey. But at the same time, while he doesn't want to be jerk and have only gained one thing out of the story, he can't help but realize that if Hailey will only have sex with someone that she 'loves', that Elliot would have been the last person that she did it with. Years have gone by. That is beyond belief to James. But he just hates Elliot more now, what if she still loves him? They kind of talked about this on tour, but her only answer had been, "I'm with you now."

At the same time though, isn't this kind of a good thing? Well, maybe not because James won't get laid, but if Hailey doesn't fall in love with him, it'll be easier all around right? And if she won't have sex with him for a continued period of time, maybe they can just take things back to friends? But James doesn't like the idea of them just being friends again. Not only because that would mean Elliot could make his move, but because while he doesn't love Hailey, he does feel something for her.

"James?"

He doesn't respond, he doesn't know why, but he chooses to keep silent.

"I don't think you have to wait much longer." She whispers and places a gentle kiss on his chest.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So like I said, I dindt really have a plan for this chapter. It was all so unexpected. i had realized I totally forgot about the kaleidoscope and I didn't just want to bring it up and never explain it, so there it is, the explanation. And man, I don't know if I'll be able to write a sex scene between them, if it ever gets to that point of course, because just writing this, it was so weird, James and Hailey in the story have become like my children I'm raising them, haha. But I hope you liked it, I'm not very good at smut, so you know, don't hate, give me tips hahahaha, love you all.

Review!


	24. Hurricane

**A/N: **This chapter took forever! Sorry. So I have to warn you that this is pretty much going to be the last filler type chapter. The wedding is the next one and then after maybe one or two chapters at most, it's jumping right back into the plot line and the drama will begin. Gasp!

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Four – Hurricane<strong>

_Standing there with your smile blinding your eyes from seeing my face as I'm dying to figure out a girl, but she drifts so far away, I'm on her coast so maybe I should stay and map around your world._

* * *

><p>James has always been a pretty happy person, excluding his parent's divorce of course, that part of his life sucked. But aside from that, James has had a relatively satisfying, happy life. How could he not be happy? His dreams have come true, he's still best friends with the same guys since Pre-K, and the band has stayed together. Not to mention he's the guy all the girls want to bang, because well, he's gorgeous. James always thought he was happy. He always has been happy.<p>

But he's experiencing this weird new kind of happy. It's like he's ecstatic all the time. Have you ever seen 500 Days Of Summer? You know that part where Joseph Gordon Levitt starts dancing around with the birds and the people like it's some musical? Yeah, that's how James feels all the fucking time now and it's weird. Fucking weird. He isn't used to it. As stated before, he's always been happy, always humming a tune, always admiring himself in the mirror, always smiling manically. But now he's got like, this skip in his step, and he's singing old eighties' love songs. In the shower, he's dancing the Robot and the Sprinkler, he makes corny jokes and laughs at Carlos when he really isn't all that funny.

What the fuck is happening to him?

"You sound happy." His mother says over the phone. She's three thousand miles away and hasn't seen James in two years. But she calls, and it's the effort that counts.

"I am." He replies.

"I'm glad for you, darling."

"Thank you mom."

"Do you mind if I ask you why?"

James hasn't told his mom anything about his personal life in a long time, at least nothing she couldn't find out from reading a tabloid. He doesn't mean to keep things from her; it's just that he kind of feels like she might not care. He's probably totally wrong, but it seems like she's too busy for him. Which is the reality of things, and it goes both ways. She's running her multi-million dollar business and James is being James, famous and wonderful.

"I don't really know." James replies. But that kind of tastes a lie because he does know exactly why he's so happy all the fucking time now.

"Does it have anything to do with that girl?" His mother tries to ask coolly, but he can hear the interest in her voice.

"Yeah, actually," he decides not to hold back. There isn't a point. She'll be flying out for Kendall's wedding in two weeks and – holy shit Kendall's wedding is in two weeks. He's trying not to give that too much thought. The closer it gets the less he can believe it's actually happening. Everything is set in stone, Jo has her dress, Kendall has his tux, the bride's maids have their dresses and the groom's men look pretty fancy all dressed up.

"Do I get to meet her?"

"Of course, she's in Kendall's wedding. One of Jo's bride's maids." James tries to make it sound like Brooke Diamond meeting Hailey won't be a big deal, but it kind of will be. She hasn't met one of James's girlfriends since he was fifteen. Like ten years ago. Wow, it doesn't feel like ten years. It doesn't feel like James has aged at all, not really. He's still young. He's still immature, and fun. But it has been ten years. And Kendall and Jo have been dating for the past seven pretty much. The wedding was inevitable, and in a way long overdue

"She seems lovely." Brooke tells her son.

"She is." James assures, because Hailey is lovely. She's nothing but lovely. With her face, and her eyes, and her lips, and her nose, and her hair, and her tiny little body, and just everything about her. She's great, amazing, she makes him happy.

The topic changes after that, from James's happiness and Hailey to the wedding.

* * *

><p>"Two more weeks." Carlos is singing when he enters the kitchen. "Only two more weeks."<p>

"Kendall's getting married." Logan shakes his head, "holy shit."

"Did we see this coming seven years ago?" James wonders aloud.

"I sure as hell didn't." Carlos answers. "But anyways, aside from the wedding, in two weeks, you get to meet my girlfriend."

"Can't we just meet her now?" Logan asks.

Carlos loves games and secrets and everything childish, so he shakes his head, "you've got to wait two more weeks."

"Who do you suppose is next?" James asks.

"For?"

"To get married, out of the three of us left, who's next?" He says three, but he isn't really including himself.

The three young men look around at each other. Logan and Camille have been together the longest, and Carlos seems to like his new girl quite a bit.

"It's kind of a scary thought." Logan replies looking down at the counter. James knows Logan and he knows that Logan will forever love only one woman, and that is Camille. James wonders if he will ever love a woman at all.

"I hope it's me." Carlos says seriously. "I think this girl could be the one."

Four eyes look at James. "What about you?" Logan nods in his direction, "You and Hailey are kind of serious."

"I'm not getting married." James states. "Ever."

Carlos and Logan just give him this look. It's kind of a sad look, like he's just said something deserving of pity. James doesn't understand why, but it doesn't bother him. His friends can get married if they want. He doesn't want to.

He's been through this, time and time again. He's explained it to Hailey, explained it to himself, to Kendall, but neither Logan nor Carlos. Logan would try and reason with him, and Carlos would just give him big, sad, puppy-dog eyes. He only told Kendall because Kendall wouldn't leave him alone until he did. But he told Hailey before they first started dating, and she in returned had told him her views on the theory of "love". She believes in it, she's waiting for it. James kind of feels guilty for keeping her with him, for holding her back because if she falls in love with him, he'll never be able to return the feelings. She doesn't deserve that. James likes her, he likes her as much as one can without it becoming love, but in the end that won't be enough, and while James has never been very religious, he's praying to God that when he and Hailey break up she won't end up with Elliot. He isn't quite sure why, but that would kill him.

"Why?" Carlos asks him.

He shrugs, "you know what my parents went through."

"So you never want to get married because of that?" Logan says like it's something totally unreasonable. James rolls his eyes.

He shrugs again, "It's just not worth it to me."

"What about Hailey?" James looks away from Logan and doesn't meet Carlos's eyes. "Doesn't she want to get married one day?"

"You have no idea." James shakes his head.

"Then why are you still with her?" Logan keeps the questions coming. James wishes that Logan's brain didn't work as quickly as it does.

"Because I like her." He answers simply, that's the truth, the real answer. He likes her.

"But James-"

"Look, I like Hailey, Hailey likes me, what more do we need?" he says defensively. This is a touchy topic in James's mind, let alone out loud.

"You're going to break her heart James." Carlos says quietly. "Don't string her along, make her think this is all going to end up somewhere, amount to something if it's not. She doesn't deserve that."

He doesn't know how to respond to that.

* * *

><p>Hailey comes strolling out of the bank with her pencil skirt on, her hair done up with chopsticks, and her light blue Chase company shirt tucked in, her heels are in her hand and she's got a fantastic smile on her face. The smile is directed at none other than James. Which is completely okay, because he kind of adores that smile.<p>

She slides into the passengers' side of his car; it's casual and routine now. Once the door is shut, she leans over and kisses him, one of those kisses that make James think that he can do this for a while. He can be with Hailey for a while, just happy to get a kiss from her every now and again. Their hands are holding on to each other as they drive from Hailey's job to her apartment. He doesn't bring a duffel bag over to her place anymore; he's got his own drawer of things. It's the same for her as well, in his bedroom sized closet; she has a pair of work clothes, and a pair or two of jeans. James doesn't like to be away from Hailey longer than he has to be. He still kind of feels like he's making up for lost time. The thought of them moving into together has crossed his mind, but it's a thought that he will never voice because it scares him. Moving in together entails things, like love and a future together, maybe even marriage. All things he doesn't believe in. But what he won't even admit to himself is that he can picture himself doing all those things as long as they are with Hailey.

After Hailey changes out of her work clothes and James slips on a beanie to try and be incognito, they head to the grocery store. They've gotten into the habit of cooking together. It started because James is like a baby, in constant need of attention and if Hailey was cooking; her attention was on something other than him. He didn't approve, so he began to help her out in the kitchen instead of just sit on the counter and get in her way. She never admitted that it irritated her, but James caught the signs, she'd roll her eyes and blow a strand of two of hair away with a heavy exhalation. He knows all these things about her now, he's familiar with all her subtleties, he catches signs, and knows what almost each and every expression on her face means.

James pushes the cart alongside Hailey, trying to keep his head down. He is after all an international superstar. She smiles and flits from one side of the aisle to the other with a bounce in her step. She's happy, just like him. James can't think of anything else he wants other than to see Hailey happy. When she's happy, he's happy. They're in sync.

With a cart full of supplies for the night's dinner, and probably a few nights after as well, they pull up to the cashier, Hailey begins to rummage through her purse, but James rolls his eyes. Hailey still hasn't learned that James wants to pay for simple, trivial things like this. Hailey doesn't have much money. In fact James doesn't even know how she manages her rent, electricity, water, cable, and cell phone bill. She isn't exactly making all that much money.

"You don't have to." She says looking up at him with those undeniable blue eyes. She is so beautiful, James doesn't know how he ever thought anyone else could compare to her.

He shrugs, "I know, I want to."

By the time James is done with his career he will have generational money. On the off chance that he does have children, they will have money to support them their whole lives, and so will his grandchildren, probably even his great grandchildren.

James puts on one of her CDs, some reggae style stuff. It always helps him feel warm and makes him think of summer time. The weather has taken a temperature drop recently, and while it isn't as cold as some of the weather James has been exposed to, he keeps a jacket handy.

Hailey changes once again from jeans to a pair of sweats from USC, and this tight fitting white tank top. Her hair is piled up on her head in a messy bun and she still looks great. She stands at the edge of the kitchen where James is located putting away the groceries that they won't be using in tonight's dinner. With her hands on her hips, she inhales deeply and puffs out her chest then exhales and lets her shoulders drop. Her expression goes from tired to determined.

"Let's do this."

They make lasagna. It takes a while to make, and things get messy because Hailey, though definitely proficient at cooking, is not a pro like her brother, and James is still an amateur. But they laugh and sing along with Jamaican accents to the reggae James put on. While it's in the oven, they sit together on the couch, Hailey in James's lap and watch the latest episode of New Girl. Hailey loves Zooey Deschanel, and James has met her a few times, she's charming. Not to mention the show is great.

Soon enough, the smell of the food is floating to the living room making their mouths water, and Hailey ever anxious for food, hops off of James's lap and checks it every minute or so. James can only smile at her impatience.

James pops open a bottle of wine and they sit down at her tiny dining room table and eat dinner like a sophisticated couple, talking about things that really matter in life. Like predicting who Jess is going to end up with, Schmidt or Nick.

"I can't decide." Hailey says chewing. Their lasagna, though the preparing process was a bit hazardous, is actually extremely delicious. "in the first episode, Schmidt seemed like the obvious choice, but now, especially after the chicken dancing at the wedding, I think it might be Nick."

"Maybe she'll be with both eventually."

"She can't be!" Hailey protests, "That would tear the friends apart and I don't think that's the direction they want the show to head in."

"Well, I don't really like Schmidt."

"Why?"

"He's seems a little, well, douchebaggy."

Hailey laughs, and then just laughs some more to a point where James is just puzzled and looking at her strangely, wondering if she drank too much wine.

"What?" he asks.

"That's really what you think of him?"

James nods. "Why?"

"Well," she pauses and shrugs, "it's just that's how you were when we met, except you were worse because Schmidt is like a failure and you didn't even have to try. You were like Schmidt times a thousand."

James stops and thinks about that for a moment, as much of a burn as it is, even though Hailey probably didn't intend it to be, it's really true. He frowns. He really was that bad. But he isn't anymore, he can't be. He'd lose Hailey if he was. Losing Hailey isn't something he wants to do and when he thinks about it, it's not something he ever really wants to do. It's inevitable though. One day he'll lose her, she'll let him go.

James actually does the dishes while Hailey puts away the left overs in Tupperware containers. He's going to bring them over to the house tomorrow while Hailey is at work so he can show off what a wonderful chef he is to the boys, because they have been mighty skeptical of his cooking talents. Of course, he's pretty sure he'd be lost without Hailey's direction, but still, he was a big part of making that lasagna.

All the lights are off in the apartment except the one in the living room, but it'd dim, just giving them enough light to see where the popcorn bowl is as they watch the last Harry Potter on HBO.

That's when Hailey's phone rings. It isn't her normal ringtone either; it's You Are Always On My Mind by Elvis. James didn't even know that she listened to Elvis.

She picks it up with a grin and James lowers the volume of the television.

"Hi mama."

There's silence and Hailey smiles, "nothing, I'm just watching a movie with my boyfriend."

"You want to talk to him?"

James gulps hard. He's never talked to Hailey's mother; she's never even brought up the topic of her parents, unless it's thinking about planning a trip back to see them.

"What if I put you on speaker phone? Okay, hold on."

Hailey takes the phone away from her ear, and suddenly James is pretty nervous.

"Hello?"

"Hailey, you're there?"

"Yep, say hi to James, mom."

"James? Hi, I'm Hailey's mom, Mary Whitley."

"Hi Mrs. Whitley." He manages to say sweetly. If he can sing to fifteen thousand people he can handle talking to his girlfriend's mother.

"How are you, dear?" Mary asks.

"I'm doing just fine, how about you?" he replies trying to sound charming. From the giggle on the other end of the line it's working.

"Oh, I'm good, good."

Hailey and James exchange a glance and she smiles at him approvingly.

"Hailey won't tell me much about you. I had to beat it out of Shane, practically."

James laughs, "I don't know why."

"So James, I hear the two of you are in a wedding?" The topic changes quickly.

"Yes," He says, "my best friend is getting married next week actually. I'm the best man."

"How lovely."

"Yes ma'am."

"So James, can I ask you a question?" James looks to Hailey but she rolls her eyes, "Mom, please don't."

"Do you love my daughter?" she asks anyways.

James looks to Hailey and he's stuck he doesn't know what to say. He can't just admit to Hailey and her mother that he doesn't love her, and he can't lie and say that maybe one day he will.

"Mom," Hailey intervenes, "James and I haven't been dating all that long."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be intrusive-"

"Mom," Hailey says, "I'll call you back later okay?"

"Oh okay, have a good night dear, it was nice to talk to you James!"

She hangs up the phone and they kind of sit in an awkward silence for a second. Hailey is the first to move. She puts her phone back on the table and snuggles back in to James's side where she was before the phone rang and they continue to watch the movie. James kind of has this sick feeling in his stomach though. Somehow, saying that he doesn't love Hailey doesn't feel right. But James doesn't believe in love, so what is this, what's going on?

Hailey drifts off to sleep before the movie is over, and James finds himself stroking her hair. Why can't he love her? Why is he so jaded? Can he be fixed? If anyone is going to fix him it's going to be Hailey. But James is scared and maybe that's the only reason he can't love. How does he overcome that fear though? Is it even possible?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Feeling like this isn't my best chapter but I didn't really know where to go from the last one, and I didn't want you guys to have to wait forever. Sorry if it sucked.

Leave me a review?


	25. The Way You Look Tonight

**A/N: **The wedding is here! This chapter is going to be short…. But! The next one will be long!

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

**Chapter Twenty Five – The Way You Look Tonight**

_You're lovely, with your smile so warm and your cheeks so soft. There is nothing for me, but to love you and the way you look tonight. _

Kendall refused to have a bachelor party, so instead of spending hundreds of dollars at a high end strip club, the boys, meaning, Kendall, James, Logan and Carlos, sit around the living room couch in the mansion. They are alone for the night. Mama Knight and Kenneth decided to take up a hotel room so the boys could have their fun if plans changed. The girls were all at Jo's house, who instead of having a bachelorette party were having a sleep over, but really, was it that much different? James is just relieved they decided not to go to that male strip club down town. James doesn't quite know how he would feel if Hailey were in one of those places. He's just glad she's not.

He's trying not to wonder too much about what she and the girls are doing, he's sure that they're just fine. But he misses her, even just for a single night, being away from her has become hard to deal with. He wonders if it's this hard for everyone, if Kendall feels it ten times worse, since he actually loves Jo. Or maybe tonight he doesn't miss her, because he knows that no matter what, tomorrow, she will be walking down the aisle, towards him, in a white dress, promising herself to him for the rest of their lives. It's a really beautiful thing, James wishes them both the best and he will say so in his best man speech tomorrow. They are a beautiful couple, they are beautiful people, inside and out, and they love each other and will for the rest of their lives, it's in the look in their eyes. James can see it; he can feel it when he's around them. He's jealous actually. He really wishes that he could feel it too. Seeing all of their happiness has been making him think, think more about things that he hasn't thought about in a long time. Like, maybe he could fall in love, maybe it could be worth it. Maybe he won't make his parents mistakes. Maybe he can make things work. Maybe he can… maybe with Hailey… Just maybe. But he stops himself there.

"You know, when we were eighteen, twenty-one, I always thought we'd be spending bachelor parties at strip clubs." Carlos says swiveling the beer in his bottle. He half smiles and looks towards Kendall.

Somehow, this feels like an ending. James isn't quite sure of what, but it just feels like things are about to change. Maybe they are. For better or for worse.

Kendall smiles, "Tomorrow is the biggest day of my life."

"Not getting cold feet are you?" It sounds like a comment James would make, but it came from Logan. James is concentrating on the label on his bottle. He's got this weird feeling going on, he can't quite explain it, or name it, but he just keeps seeing Hailey. He pictures her sleeping, smiling, laughing, crying, and looking him in the eyes as they lay together in bed after just waking up. He can hear her voice, speaking softly, the sound as she sings in the car, or in the shower, he can picture her swaying as she walks, her hair hiding her face, the eyes that see straight into his soul. He thinks that maybe he-

"Never. I honestly feel like I've been waiting for this day since I met Jo." Kendall smiles once more.

It's a big night. The boys don't really know what to do with themselves other than reminisce. When silence takes over them, it's comfortable, because they are all smiling thinking of the past and what amazing lives they have been given to lead. It has really been an incredible journey for the boys. It will continue on. But tomorrow, Kendall will be starting an entirely new journey. James will still be with him every step of the way. So will Logan and Carlos, it's what's best friends do.

Jo is incredibly beautiful, Hailey has always known this, she has always seen it, admired it even back when she was on New Town High, yeah, Hailey watched it in high school. She never imagined that she would be sitting and laughing with Jo Taylor on a floor completely filled with pillows and blankets, listening to the different tales of her relationship with Kendall. Hailey never imagined that Camille Roberts would be her go to partner for girl's days. She never thought that the infamous Katie Knight would be trying to convince her to get into some kind of show business, as she had been doing lately. She never thought she would be a bride's maid in Kendall Knight's wedding to Jo Taylor. And she definitely never imagined that her date to that wedding would be the best man, Kendall's best friend, James Diamond. But life is odd that way. You find yourself surrounded by people, and lost in certain places, dealing with situations that you could have never fathomed years before. Hailey has been blessed. It's the only way that she can explain her life.

"It was so funny how they all tried to win me over." Jo laughs. Camille and Katie join her, but Hailey just smiles. She is aware of the story but was not there to witness it.

"When James had his allergic reaction to Cuda!" Camille and Jo and in a fit, rolling around on the ground laughing.

"He was so ridiculous back then." Katie shakes her head.

"He isn't so bad anymore." Jo says smiling slightly.

"Hailey has tamed the beast that once was James Diamond." Camille grins towards her.

Hailey had been well aware of the James Diamond reputation when she met him on the night of the concert. She knew that he was a ladies man, that he was famous for his one night stands. Most people didn't think he was a good person. Not with all the womanizing he did. But when she spoke with him, and when he had volunteered to let Hailey's friend and her sister come to meet the band on the bus, Hailey saw it in him. There is a kindness in the eyes of James Diamond and it's so clearly visible to Hailey. She knows that he denies love, she knows that he doesn't believe that he will ever experience it, but Hailey disagrees. James Diamond has such a kind heart, and she knows that one day, James will fall in love. She doesn't know if it will be with her or with someone else years down the line, but Hailey seriously hopes that it's with her. Because as the days wear on and she spends as many moments as she can with him, she feels like she's falling in love with him. No, she isn't falling in love with him she realizes as she thinks about the man the holds her hand and touches her gently, the man who sings to her sweetly, and looks deep into her eyes; she is in love with him.

She doesn't know exactly how to tell him. She doesn't know what he'll say. Will he run? Would she blame him if he did? Hailey went into this relationship well aware that he had no intention of a long term future with her. To be completely honest, she didn't expect to be with him for very long either. But things changed. She has fallen in love with James Diamond and Hailey has never been so vulnerable in her life. When she and Elliot were together, he first told her that he loved her. But now, James can destroy her in an instant. Hailey wants him to know, but if she tells him, he might just tear her apart.

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><p><strong>AN: **Okay! So, I warned you, this would be short. The next one will be longer, I swear. Don't be afraid to bug me about updating! Once again, I'm really sorry this took so long.


	26. Make You Feel My Love

**A/N: **Sorry this has taken me so long. If you're still here, reading this, you are faithful and loyal and I'm so sorry!

Chapter Rating: T

Enjoy.

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><p><strong>On My Way Down<strong>

_On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you._

**Chapter Twenty Six **– Make You Feel My Love

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet; but I will never do you wrong. I've known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong._

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><p>In the morning, things are calm. Kendall is awake on time, and even Carlos is getting ready a head of time. James has been up for an hour longer than anyone else. He slept well, but once six o'clock rolled around James's internal clock woke him up, and there was no going back to bed. So he showered, and put on clean clothes. But time was moving slowly, and so James took it upon himself to make breakfast for the rest of the guys. After all, now cooking was added to his long list of skills. Just barely of course, he couldn't do much, but thanks to Hailey a simple eggs and bacon for breakfast, and some hash browns depending on how he was feeling, was completely plausible. Before Hailey, James had never been in the kitchen unless it was to bother someone else who was cooking or hanging out with the guys sitting on counter tops with a few beers.<p>

Logan is the first one to join James in the kitchen.

"What's all this? You're making us breakfast?" Logan sits at the island counter and yawned.

James shrugs. "It's a big day. I figured it'd save us time."

"Liar, you're just getting all sentimental." Logan grins and closes his eyes.

James rolls his eyes and just keeps cooking. By the time he is done, Kendall and Carlos are in the kitchen as well. Kendall can't stop grinning and Carlos won't stop fidgeting. Logan is fine; it isn't the first wedding he's been in. James doesn't know how he feels this morning. He's excited for Kendall of course. But there's this feeling in his chest he can't name. He just wants to see Hailey. He wants to hold her and see her smile. It's kind of sickening that it's only been twenty-four hours and he misses her so incredibly already. James still isn't use to whatever this is.

They eat the meal that James prepared. It's actually really good. The boys don't heckle him about it either. They're too busy shoveling the food down their esophagus. When it's finished, they all kind of sit there and look at the counter top. No one really knows what to say. Kendall's life is about to change forever. Something Kendall could not be happier about.

Soon after breakfast, they pile into the Escalade. It's time to get ready for a wedding.

James is sitting next to Logan in the front seat while Kendall and Carlos recline in the back. Music is playing softly, just as background noise, and James's mind is running wild. He wonders if everything will go according to plan. Big Time Rush has a reputation of making things well, complicated. But he's sure that today will be fine. Today is too important to complicate. Today is the day that Kendall has always been waiting for. Today is the day James is sure he will never see.

Everything is already in motion when they arrive. Chairs and tables are being set up, the building already decorated and the limo that drove the ladies is already parked across from them. It is the same limo that will bring Kendall and Jo to the airport so that they can catch a flight to Greece for their honey moon. James wants to tell the guys he'll be right back and go find Hailey. This yearning for her is loathsome. He just wants to shrink her down so that he can carry her around in his pocket and have her with him all the time. The hell with work, she can just live at the mansion with the boys. She can share James's private quarters and he will never have to be without her. Then he realizes that what he is wishing for is what Kendall is making a reality, minus the shrinking part, and James shakes himself.

The wedding starts at three. The boys don't really have much to do. It is too soon for them to change in to their suits and the wedding planner has everything in order. It's not like James can ever help order people around because the tiny brunette woman in a pantsuit scares him and he has no idea what is going on. So the boys just kind of relax and explore the venue. It's nice. Really nice actually. It is on a cliff overlooking the ocean.

As James stands at the altar in his jeans and plain white tee just admiring the view someone says his name. When he turns he is sort of frozen.

It has been a really long time since he saw his own mother. He actually forgot that she would be here today. She looks beautiful like she always does. In a navy blue dress that cuts across her chest and straps across her left shoulder, it is cut just above her knee. It is a fitting dress for her. There are no ruffles and no designs it is plain, and form fitting, but it makes his mother look well. She has always been the business type, and has never tried to dress like someone born in his generation. She is too formal and far too classy. Her heels are high but not enough to bring her to his height. He still towers over her. Her hair is done differently, short bangs pinned back instead of frayed and pushed across just above her eyes. Her makeup is perfect, and her skin is glowing, but for the first time, she looks older to him. Not in the way she carries herself, or even her skin, but in her eyes. She looks sad almost.

"Mom." He smiles and pulls her into his arms for a hug, and she holds on to him tightly, and when he goes to let go, she tightens her grip on him. So he lingers and wonders what is going on. Is there something wrong? Has something changed? She still looks exactly as his mother does, but something is off. She has never been the affectionate type, so clinging to him when he tries to let go is something different.

"How are you?" She asks when they finally pull apart.

James half smiles and looks from the ground, back out the window. He doesn't know what is going on, but his mother has got him all choked up just by hugging him and asking him how he is. Maybe it was in the way she said it, she finally sounded like she actually cared. But he composes himself and shrugs.

"I'm a best man."

"I'm so excited for Kendall."

"Same."

"How are things going for the band?"

"Really well. Yeah, we're working on a new album after Kendall comes back from the honeymoon."

"James, I want you to know that I am proud of you."

He pauses momentarily. He doesn't know what to say. His mother has never been like this. She has never been sentimental. She has never been loving or kind, or proud even, that she has shown at least. He always turned to Kendall's mom for those things. His mother was always hard and business like, there was no time for play or love in her eyes. Maybe she regretted it now.

"Thanks mom."

She opens her mouth to say something else, but Katie comes running in saying that she needs his help reaching something. It sounds ridiculous, but Katie is short, and he imagines that everyone else is preoccupied. So he looks at his mom, waiting for her to say something or tell him to stay. But she smiles and waves him off, telling him she'll see him later.

And then the wedding is starting and James can't really recall how everything happened, but it just did and there he is, standing next to Kendall, with Logan and Carlos on his left. They are at the altar and the Pastor is standing to Kendall's right. Everyone is in their seats. Kames can see his mom a few rows back. She looks happy, but at the same time she looks sad, and he doesn't know why. But his heart hurts when he looks at her. So he turns his attention to something else, because today is a special day. A happy day. It needs to be this way for Kendall, for Jo.

Then the music began. It wasn't the traditional here comes the bride piano music, but it was an acoustic guitar and one of Jo's friends that James had never heard of, but she began to sing and the only thing that James could register was that she had a pretty voice, because then the girls began to walk down the aisle.

Katie first, in her red dress and heels with a red hair band, holding her hair from her face, and a bouquet of red roses in her hands. She looks beautiful. It isn't hard for Katie to do so, and it isn't hard for James to admit because she is like his little sister, and he hopes to watch her walk down the aisle again one day, but the next time in her own white dress.

James smiles brightly at her when she looks to him. She smiles back, but in a different way, like she knows something he doesn't. Then he looks back towards the aisle and he understands the look on Katie's face, because behind her, is Hailey.

There is no word that can describe what James sees. There is no word that can describe what he feels. Hailey has never looked so stunning, and James has never felt like this. Her dress hugs her slender frame like it is part of her own skin, and then flows like water just above her knees. There is red Ribbon in her long hair, tied with a bow atop her head. Her makeup has been done by a professional, and she looks more perfect than any human he has seen before. She is heaven incarnate. She is the most wondrous thing that James has ever seen. He feels drawn to her. He wants to go to her, to take her in his arms. To touch her and to be reassured that she is real.

She meets his eyes, her blue, blue eyes have never seemed so bright, and she has never looked so happy. And it is in that moment that a thought crosses James mind.

_I love her. _

Then, Camille is coming down the aisle. She looks amazing, like always. She looks only at Logan.

But then, it is Jo. Her dress is so white that it seems to glow, and the veil is thick enough to obscure her face from everyone. James glances towards Kendall. And the expression on his face is something that James has never seen before. Not just on Kendall, but on any other human. Kendall smiles and takes Jo's hand when she reaches them.

It is silent when the Pastor begins.

James pays attention. He really does. He listens to every single word that the man says. But he can't repeat any of it, because he is thinking about today. How strange it is. How wonderful it is. How he never thought that he would be where he is right now. But somehow, he is there.

A lot of things have changed for James. He is still handsome. He is still famous. He is still wanted and lusted after by all women. But James does not want or lust after all women anymore. He still loves his reflection and he loves being famous, but not as much as he used to. He seems to realize now that there is a bigger picture. He thinks about Mama K and how her cancer is slowly killing her. The doctors haven't told her she is improving, which can only mean that she isn't. He thinks about Kenneth and how he stuck around even when he found out his brand new wife was ill. He thinks about how that is true love. He thinks about his mother, and how she seems so sad on the most joyous of days. He thinks about his father whom he has not thought about in years. He thinks about Carlos and how he might have found the woman of his dreams. He thinks about Logan and how much he and Camille have endured together. He thinks about his best friend Kendall and how today is the best day of his life.

Then he thinks about Hailey and how she has changed him, so completely. He thinks of her beauty and her smile, and her wondrous eyes, and the softness of her skin, and the shin of her hair, the tone of her voice, and how she closes her eyes when she laughs.

Then James hears the words, "In sickness and in health", and he starts to pay attention again, because while he has never been to a wedding, he knows that those words mean it is coming to a close. He glances out over the audience and finds half of them to be crying.

Then he looks at Hailey and sees the longing in her eyes as she stares at Jo.

Kendall kisses his bride, like he and Jo have never locked lips before. He removed her veil slowly, and put his hands to his mouth and paused to keep himself from crying. Even James feels a bit emotional watching this. When Kendall leaned in to kiss Jo, he put his hand on her cheek, looked for a long time into her eyes and closed his own and kissed her.

It was beautiful.

At the reception, people are still crying. But James can't concentrate on them, or anyone because he is searching desperately for Hailey.

Someone taps him on the back. When he turns around, she is there and she is beautiful. And he can't help but think it again. _I love her._

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><p><strong>AN: **Not nearly as long as I was hoping for but I figured if I didn't post something it was going to be a long time before I got around to writing it again. So once more, I apologize for being absent. You can hate me if you choose. It is okay. Sorry for typos and such, I didn't edit it.

I just hope you enjoyed it. :]


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